Joe'ettes in the City
by Scarlett Hauser
Summary: What if the female Joes replaced the sexy foursome of Sex and the City? Look out Manhattan! Starring Scarlett, Baroness, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl. (and Beach Head too ch. 7+!)
1. Default Chapter

Joe-ettes in the City  
  
By Scarlett Hauser  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the G.I. Joe or Cobra characters, blah blah blah. Also since this is a parody of some of my favorite Sex and the City stories they get a disclaimer shout out too. The only things I own are the figments of my demented imagination. This is my first fanfiction piece so please be kind. Comments and constructive criticism can be sent to astrologer@astrologypath.com. Thank you and I hope you like!  
  
Rated R for adult language and adult situations.  
  
What if the female Joes replaced the sexy foursome of Sex and the City? Look out Manhattan!  
  
(.and if anyone is suited portray SATC's Samantha character, it's the Baroness!)  
  
*******************  
  
Five years after the G.I. Joe team disbanded many of the former teammates have settled in Manhattan with their new lives. Lady Jaye was now an accomplished actress doing theater on Broadway. Scarlett was a notable Broadway producer who always took an interest in including Lady Jaye in her up-and-coming hit plays (after all, Lady Jaye had introduced her to the business). Cover Girl was the editor-in-chief of a leading fashion magazine. Duke and Flint were highly sought after military consultants to the highest levels and were often begged to speak at seminars. Baroness had a prestigious PR firm that handled only the crème de la crème. Destro and Baroness were the only ex-Cobra to walk free because Destro threw enough money at all the right people to buy them immunity in exchange for their information and testimonies against Cobra Commander and all his affiliates and high-ranking officers. Destro and Baroness were savvy enough to foresee that Cobra was a sinking ship and decided to cash in their chips while they could still save themselves.  
  
*******************  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
The four gal-pals gathered for their ritual female bonding lunch at their usual ultra chic café hangout, 'Roadblock's', which always consisted of sharing trials and tribulations of dating, and usually too much information as well. Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl were already seated when the Baroness arrived fashionably late.  
  
"Hello darlings," greeted the Baroness as she seated herself at their usual table, setting her purse down.  
  
"Ooooh, excee-use me!" exclaimed Scarlett touching the Baroness' fancy new purse, "You bought the Hermes Birkin bag?"  
  
"No," corrected the Baroness, "It was a gift from Destro." Destro was the Baroness' significant other, and Lady Jaye's distant cousin though neither of them liked to admit it. Nobody knew it but Destro funded many of Lady Jaye's plays under a dummy corporation. He had a secret small soft spot for his distant cousin and more importantly knew she could make him money.  
  
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Cover Girl, "That's a $5,000 bag! He must love you!" Cover Girl was the eternal romantic optimist. For any regular guy this price tag would be absurd but for a man of Destro's resources, this was just a drop in the bucket.  
  
"No he doesn't," the Baroness corrected Cover Girl.  
  
"You don't know that," Cover Girl tried to reassure.  
  
"Yes I do," the Baroness said matter-of-factly, "Take a look at the card." She whipped out the gift card that had accompanied the bag for the others to inspect. "A small token for my dream lady. Best, Destro."  
  
"Ohhh, 'best' is the worst," grumbled Lady Jaye sympathetically.  
  
"Yeah, even the Law Office of Rudatt will give you a 'Sincerely'," sighed Scarlett.  
  
Roadblock himself came up to greet the ladies personally as usual. He was an old friend of Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl who always enjoyed trying out new entrees on them. "Good afternoon ladies - and Baroness. The cuisine I have in store is guaranteed to impress!" Roadblock rhymed to them while tipping his chef's hat to them. Roadblock was the only man Baroness would ever tolerate this sort of mocking from, after all his cuisine was to die for and she respected the man for his fine culinary skills, though she'd never admit it. Roadblock nor any of the other ex- Joes couldn't figure out what the ex-Joe ladies saw in the Baroness, but figured she must have some hidden redeeming quality if they had anything to do with her. Baroness didn't care if she was found despicable by society; her connections and money ensured that they had to tolerate her. She would just say to her naysayers, "Darling, if you want to see the girl next door, then go next fucken' door!"  
  
"Oh Roadblock, you spoil us!" giggled Cover Girl as the others expressed their anticipation and appreciation to Roadblock.  
  
"I have to get back to your entrees now," Roadblock excused himself and rhymed to Lady Jaye and Scarlett, "Now you be sure to bring Duke and Flint over here soon. Unless being out in public with you beauties make them act a fool!"  
  
"Will do," said Scarlett, "and thanks again Roadblock!" as he headed back for the kitchen.  
  
"So what wrongdoing did Destro do to warrant spoiling you with such a lavish gift? We know he's not exactly the flowers type," questioned Lady Jaye suspiciously. Although she had a tendency to be quite cynical sometimes, she was usually right on the money.  
  
"I caught that fucken' Destro out on a date with some chippie," growled the Baroness, "so I threw his drink in his fucken' face."  
  
"Really? So did his face rust?" asked Scarlett, who couldn't contain her snickering at the idea.  
  
"Bah!" grunted the Baroness swatting her overpriced purse at Scarlett, and then relented "But I hope it does, darling! Can we please change the subject now?"  
  
"Yes! So Scarlett, what's the latest with Duke?" asked Cover Girl, hoping for some good news to keep inspiring her own quest to find true love.  
  
"I think he's going to propose," Scarlett worried to her friends, "This morning when he was in the shower I picked up his littered clothes and was stuffing them in his duffle bag and that's when I saw the ring in there."  
  
"What are you going to say?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"I don't know. I really hadn't thought about it as a possibility until now," Scarlett pondered.  
  
"Just say 'Yes'! Tell me, what did the ring look like?" Cover Girl dreamily asked, living vicariously through Scarlett's possible engagement, longing for her own.  
  
"Well, that's the other thing. The ring was NOT good," explained Scarlett, now leaning in as if the walls had ears.  
  
"What do you mean?" Lady Jaye asked nervously.  
  
"Well, it had a gold band," Scarlett started to describe.  
  
"Ugh!" exclaimed the Baroness in disgust, holding one hand up in dismay.  
  
"with a pear-shaped diamond," Scarlett finished, sitting back in her chair.  
  
"Eeeewwww!" exclaimed Cover Girl, horrified at her shattered momentary fantasy.  
  
"I thought you liked gold? You wear it all the time," Lady Jaye questioned.  
  
"I do, for fun. But this is my engagement ring, how could someone who seemingly knows me so well pick something so not me?" Scarlett lamented.  
  
"Darling, don't be a fool! Wrong ring, wrong guy," cautioned the Baroness.  
  
"No." Scarlett trailed off with concern that Baroness might be right.  
  
"I picked out the ring," confessed Lady Jaye. Three pairs of evil eyes were on her now.  
  
"Oh Jaye, how could you?" scolded the Baroness.  
  
"I'm sorry! Duke asked for my help and I thought it was what you like. Look, it wasn't exactly my ideal situation, shopping for someone else's engagement ring when Flint wants to skip all that and go right for having a baby. I guess I didn't have my head on straight," apologized Lady Jaye.  
  
"Oh honey, is he still on that baby kick?" asked Scarlett, her evil eye now turned to empathy.  
  
"Yeah, he thinks it will be 'fun to have a baby around' as if my career didn't already consume all my time, now I'm supposed to give up sleep and having a life so he can have someone to play with?" Lady Jaye updated.  
  
"But it could be fun. And you'll have a special bond with him," said an optimistic Cover Girl.  
  
"Darling, there's nothing 'fun' about spit up and dirty diapers and losing beauty sleep," cautioned the Baroness, "You better set him straight immediately before he starts poking holes in his condoms."  
  
"Tell me about it! And to add insult to injury he can't even be bothered to put a ring on my finger," added Lady Jaye, starting to get angry thinking about it, "Speaking of which, can we get back to Scarlett's?"  
  
"Uh huh, sure now that you've stuck me with the bad ring!" teased Scarlett. "So ladies, how about this: 'I'm not ready to get married yet but I love you and I want to live with you.' How does that sound?"  
  
"Like a 'No'," answered the Baroness. "Darling, you're not the marrying kind. You're strong and independent and successful in your own right. You don't need a man's last name to validate your existence. It's such a cliché, and THAT you are NOT. And besides, there's no room behind the 'White Picket Fence' for your shoe collection."  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot about that," Lady Jaye chuckled, "You're going to have to haul those shoes to a secondary location to make room in your closet for Duke's things." Duke kept a much smaller apartment in the city because he spent so little time there between his work constantly calling him out of town and spending what little down time he did have with Scarlett. Scarlett's larger Park Avenue apartment would be the obvious choice for their living situation. The other three often wondered why Duke even bothered keeping his apartment at all and just move in with Scarlett since he spent all his time there anyway. But that was how Scarlett wanted it and Duke never pushed her.  
  
"Stop it! You're going to scare her even more!" exclaimed Cover Girl. Too late. Scarlett was already sitting there paralyzed in fear of the idea of not just giving up her identity, but displacing her beloved shoe collection of about 100 pairs of Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo shoes and the like. Not that she had to pay for most of them, which usually run $300-$700 per pair. The ex-Joe ladies often received freebies from top designers. Not in gratitude for fighting for their freedom mind you, but in the hopes that the pieces would get photographed as the ladies received their share of media attention. Cover Girl had coached the others how to pose for the camera so they wouldn't get caught in an unflattering photo.  
  
"Just be nice," Cover Girl coaxed, "because later on down the road you might decide you want to marry him! Don't take too long though. After all, once you start getting around 40 men see you as desperate."  
  
"Who's desperate?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"Who's 40!" cried out the Baroness defensively, slamming her fist on the table. The Baroness' age was as big a mystery as the face under Cobra's mask. Everyone lost count of how many times she had celebrated her 35th birthday. The closest she ever came to revealing her age was admitting to the others that she was 'a couple years older' than them. She figured as long as she was fabulous and could keep up with the best of them, nobody needed to know, not even Destro.  
  
"Now I just have to figure out when he's going to ask so I can get it over with," said Scarlett, trying to change the subject direction before it got ugly. She looked at Lady Jaye and asked accusingly, "Do you know when he's going to ask?"  
  
"No, I'm completely out of that loop now," answered Lady Jaye shaking her head while holding both her palms up.  
  
"Shit," grumbled Scarlett, realizing she was on her own with this problem now.  
  
"Darlings I have to go now. My Destro has some more making up to do on 5th Avenue," as the Baroness excused herself.  
  
"Well, send him our 'Best'," Lady Jaye couldn't resist teasing.  
  
"Yeah, nothing but the 'Best'!" Cover Girl chimed in.  
  
"I shall be sure to do my very 'Best'," growled the Baroness, rolling her eyes as she picked up her new trophy Birkin bag and stormed out on her new mission to raid all the best shops at Destro's expense. Making light of the situation secretly made the Baroness feel a little better, though she'd never admit it. Besides, the Baroness knew exactly how to hit a man where it hurts: in his wallet! The other three couldn't help but laugh knowing this.  
  
***************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT - 2 WEEKS LATER  
  
Scarlett paced her terrace wondering why Duke hadn't proposed yet, not that she had an answer ready anyway. The anxiety was getting overwhelming. They had been out together many times since the ring discovery and certainly had many opportunities but no proposal yet. Had he changed his mind? Although at first she was reluctant to the idea of marriage, the more she thought about him changing his mind the more it started to worry her. What was she so afraid of in the first place? It certainly wasn't that she thought she could do better nor had any desire to; in fact Duke was quite a catch and was one of the few people that actually GOT her; understood her. They shared so much history and had a lot in common. She had already proven that she could not only make it on her own in a man's world but far exceed anybody's expectations including her own, so what was there left to prove? This was a quality that would scare most men off if they even bothered to take notice but Duke wasn't most men; rather than be intimidated he actually appreciated this in her. And not only did he make her happy, he made it seem effortless; like it just came natural to him. And she loved him. Through the years her father would occasionally remind her, "Anything worth having demands a bit of courage, Lass." Scarlett reflected on the wise old Irish man's words. His advice got her through some rough times. Perhaps this fear was a sign that Duke would be worth the gamble; maybe happiness wasn't to be handed on a silver platter but rewarded for being brave enough to take the chance. When she tried to imagine her life without Duke, and what a grim thought it was, she became more worried than ever that he didn't think the same. Scarlett was snapped out of her depressing trance by a knock on the door. It was Duke, dressed in a black Armani suit to take Scarlett to the grand opening of an art gallery featuring the works of the hottest up-and-coming artists. As usual the Baroness' PR firm was handling the event, which is how the group usually got into A-list parties as if their own status wasn't enough.  
  
"My you clean up well," greeted Scarlett with a kiss. Not to be outdone by her lover, Scarlett was decked out in a barely-there-but-still-tasteful blue Dolce and Gabbana strappy dress, which complimented her piercing blue eyes and long red hair worn swept up with a few loose tendrils, and black Gucci stiletto heels. Duke was a tall well-built man, which afforded Scarlett the five-inch heel lift. She also knew how much he liked it when she wore shoes like that.  
  
"All I have to say is 'Wow'," Duke admired as Scarlett did a 360 for him then asked her seductively, "So if I'm good will you model just the shoes for me?"  
  
"Ha! We'll just see about that!" Scarlett taunted.  
  
"Allrighty," said Duke, secretly hoping to have his wish granted later. "Shall we?" Duke opened the door for Scarlett and they left for the gala.  
  
*********************  
  
GALLERY OPENING GALA  
  
Scarlett was getting irritable. They had already been there for a few hours of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and mingling so she was getting tired and her feet were starting to hurt. Lady Jaye was a no-show because she stayed home with a cold and Cover Girl was busy scouting the room for her next potential Mr. Right. Meanwhile, Baroness was in the next room keeping tabs on Mr. Wrong, aka Destro, making sure he didn't stray. Scarlett sighed; she hadn't realized how much this anxiety was wearing her down and her friends weren't around to help keep her distracted. She was ready to call it an evening and go home. She was then startled by a cold splash on her foot and let out a shriek "Fuck!" Someone had accidentally spilled her drink and unfortunately her shoe had gotten in the way of the cocktail hitting the floor.  
  
"Oh this day just gets better and better," Scarlett grumbled to herself, lamenting over possibly adding ruined $400 designer shoes to her latest disasters.  
  
"Here, let me get that for you," Duke offered as he tried to clean up the spill on Scarlett's shoe and around her so she wouldn't slip. "Babe, would you hand me some more napkins please?"  
  
'Of course he's so damn eager to tend to my shoes, because he wants me to model them solo for him later!' Scarlett thought in frustration of his hidden agenda, "Here!" she snapped at him shoving the napkins at him while still staring off into space with her thoughts, "Can we finally leave now?" She stood there for a moment still holding the napkins then finally looked down to see why Duke hadn't taken them from her yet. Scarlett gasped to find a Tiffany two-carat princess cut diamond on a platinum band gleaming at her, offered by her dearest love of her life down on one knee.  
  
"Oh my God, you," "It's not," "Oh, it's so beautiful!" Scarlett stammered. That stinker, he had switched the rings on her!  
  
"Scarlett, we've been through a lot together, good and bad. We've come close to losing each other too many times and I would die if that ever happened because you are my life. You are my heart and soul and the reason I breathe every day. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love you more than anything in this world and I'd be honored if you would join your life with mine forever and marry me," Duke was trying to maintain his composure but everyone within earshot could feel by his tone how nervous and choked up he was. Cover Girl was standing by, hand cupped over her mouth and holding her breath as she hoped her friend had come to her senses by now.  
  
"Ye-ye-yeah!" Scarlett stuttered out enthusiastically with tears of joy and relief streaming down her cheeks. She had never been so sure of her answer in her life. She had also never been so caught off guard in her life. Quite an accomplishment on Duke's part considering her level in the martial arts! Duke gently slid the good ring on Scarlett's finger. They hugged and sealed the deal with a passionate kiss. The room clapped and cheered for the newly engaged couple. Photographers that were covering the gala snapped their photos for the society pages.  
  
"YES!!!" Cover Girl squealed, practically jumping out of herself in excitement as she hugged Scarlett and Duke. She could breathe now, and keep believing.  
  
"Yes dear, now we can leave," teased Duke.  
  
"Wait a minute, I'll be right there," said Scarlett. First, she had to tell a special someone that surprisingly she actually was the marrying kind after all. She found the Versace clad Baroness enjoying a martini at the bar in the next room.  
  
"Taking a break from Destro guard duty?" Scarlett joked as she snuck up on the Baroness.  
  
"No, darling. I can see his chrome-dome from here," answered the Baroness, "Are you leaving already?"  
  
"I have news," Scarlett said coyly.  
  
"Oh? You and Duke broke up?" questioned the Baroness with enthusiasm. Baroness and Duke weren't exactly the best of friends.  
  
"No, we're engaged!" Scarlett knew the Baroness was half-kidding.  
  
"Fuck you," replied the Baroness to the good news as she took another sip of her martini while Scarlett stared at her waiting for her to relent, "Darling are you sure about this?"  
  
"More than ever, and look!" said Scarlett, holding her hand up to proudly display her new decoration, "It's a really good ring!"  
  
Baroness briefly glanced over at the ring and replied passively, "Hmmm, I've seen it."  
  
"Huh?" Scarlett was confused.  
  
"Well darling, SOMEBODY had to clue the poor fool in! If we ever had to battle against each other again I at least want to look at a nice piece of jewelry!" Baroness explained matter-of-factly. Leave it to the Baroness to try to cloak her good deed with a self-serving agenda. But Scarlett wasn't fooled.  
  
"Thank you," said a smiling Scarlett, then as she got up to leave whispered to her, "and don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Baroness gave her a wink and Scarlett returned to her new fiancé so they could leave. Valet already had Duke's Hummer waiting for them out front. As she was helped into the vehicle she imagined poor Duke being subjected to the Baroness' haughty attitude and ordering him around in the jewelry shops, certainly a far worse hazing than all three of her brothers could inflict combined. 'Oh, to have been a fly on the wall! If that isn't love than I don't know what is,' Scarlett thought. 'I'll bet I can get a copy of the surveillance video of the shopping trip, maybe even get Flint to play it at the bachelor party!' Scarlett mused. But first things first, as Scarlett looked down at her stilettos to see that they weren't ruined after all, she had a wish to grant in honor of privately celebrating her new engagement.  
  
********************** 


	2. Scarlie Dearest

Scarlie Dearest  
  
Diclaimer: To be on the safe side I'm throwing a disclaimer shout out to any familiarities and similarities this piece may have to any celebrities and talk shows. If they do it's all merely a coincidence and unintentional.  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
Baroness, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl were seated at their usual table waiting for Scarlett to arrive. It wasn't like her to be so late. Scarlett walked up to their table from the rear of the restaurant and seated herself. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with her hair pulled up in a baseball cap topped off with dark sunglasses.  
  
"Sorry I'm late," Scarlett apologized, "Roadblock had to sneak me in through the back entrance and through the kitchen."  
  
"Jesus, what the hell happened to YOU?" asked the Baroness, referring to her unusually careless attire.  
  
"THIS!" snapped Scarlett while slamming a stack of tabloids down on the table. Scarlett recently had a run-in with Trey Stone, a famous Hollywood actor with an attitude in one of her productions, and lost her temper. Because Scarlett was relatively new in the business Trey thought that he could treat her disrespectfully in front of the whole crew. He had called her "Just some bitch in a Gucci suit" while holding his hand up to her face. Scarlett grabbed his wrist with one hand and wrapped her other hand around his neck and shoved him against the wall and said, "Correction, I'm the 'Bitch in a Gucci suit' that's going to rip out your trachea and feed it to you! Now I'm going to count to three, when I get to 'one' your face better be a memory! Oh, and by the way, you're fired." The incident spread like wildfire through all the gossip columns and tabloids, blowing more and more out of proportion. Even TV talk show hosts were making jokes in their monologues.  
  
"Scarlie Dearest!? Are you fucking kidding me?" asked Lady Jaye with shock as she looked over some of the tabloids. Scarlett, better known now as 'Scarlie Dearest', was now infamous for allegedly being brutal and abusive to her crew and running her productions with an iron fist. The paparazzi loved it and Scarlett was doing her best to avoid them.  
  
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Cover Girl looking at one of the tabloid stories, "Lovers Spat!? Where do they get this stuff?"  
  
"Ohhh, this couldn't get any worse!" moaned Scarlett while holding her head in her hands, "My career is OVER!"  
  
"What are you talking about, this is the best thing that could have happened to your career! Haven't you ever heard that bad press is better than no press at all? It's about time those assholes started taking you seriously; now they'll think twice before crossing you!" the Baroness said proudly.  
  
"Well hopefully this will all blow over before the wedding. I'd hate to see your special day ruined by those paparazzi vultures!" said Cover Girl. Scarlett's wedding was only a few short months away.  
  
"Oh god," moaned Scarlett, "I could give a damn about myself but I would just die if our families had to be subjected to the humiliation! Maybe I should postpone the wedding for awhile."  
  
"NO!" exclaimed the other three in sync.  
  
"Darling, as much as I hate to see you throw your life away and get married, if word gets out about your postponement now, and we know it will, the media will just feed off of that and drag your Duke into it as well," cautioned the Baroness, "It will make your relationship and life look unstable and add fuel to the fire. The best thing you can do is continue your life as usual, and that includes not wearing this garbage! What if god forbid you were photographed in this train wreck? Ugh!"  
  
"Baroness is right," Cover Girl affirmed, "Besides, everyone who knows you knows this baloney isn't true anyway. This should all blow over by the time your wedding rolls around and they will have moved on to their next feeding frenzy."  
  
"Uh, that might not happen as soon as you might think," said Lady Jaye. "Obviously you didn't catch the Howie Strong Show today. He is really blowing this up." Howie Strong was only the biggest and most notorious radio personality and even had a TV show of his radio program. He was infamous for his crudeness.  
  
"Eeewww, how can you listen to his show? He's such a pervert!" said Cover Girl.  
  
"I don't," replied Lady Jaye, "but Flint does and he told me all about it. Howie wants Scarlett on his show in the worst way and is making every lewd comment in the book to try to provoke her into coming on the show and kicking his ass too like Trey's. It's his latest publicity stunt."  
  
The foursome went into the restaurant kitchen to listen to the Howie Strong Show on Roadblock's radio. "Ohhh Scarlie baby, you can throw me around anytime! I've always wanted a southern belle spitfire; I get hot thinking about you manhandling me like you did Trey. Man, that guy's a wimp; I don't know what he's complaining about. He probably had to run out because he was embarrassed that a woman turned him on for the first time. I wouldn't do that to you Scarlie baby, I like it rough! Oh, I think I just made a mess; I'm going to have to go clean my pants" Howie goaded on, which was now and then interrupted by the sound byte "NO WIRE HANGERRRRS!!!!" from the movie 'Mommie Dearest'. Scarlett had been wrong; it COULD and DID get worse.  
  
"What a pig!" Cover Girl was horrified at what she just heard.  
  
"I'll kill him!" yelled Scarlett.  
  
"When Duke hears this he'll do far worse," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"You have to go on the show," said Baroness.  
  
"Wha-whaaat? Excuse me? Are you CRAZY? Didn't you hear him?" said Scarlett, now baffled and disturbed by the Baroness' suggestion.  
  
"Darling, he's infatuated with you. It's just like sex; if you give it to them right away they immediately lose interest because you've taken away the thrill of the hunt. The sooner you give him what he thinks he wants the sooner you'll spoil the fun for him and he'll have to move on to his next prey. You must go on the show and reclaim your dignity. Howie and all those other bastards will see that you are a force to be reckoned with and know not to fuck with you anymore!" Baroness explained. "I'll have the firm make the arrangements."  
  
"I don't know," said Scarlett.  
  
"Darling, do you mean to tell me that as many asses as you've whipped in combat you're afraid to stand up to a clown like this fucken' Howie? Maybe you've gotten soft in your engagement," the Baroness reminded her. "Trust me, when your lawyers get through suing those fucken' tabloids you'll be moving out of your Park Avenue apartment and into a Park Avenue penthouse!"  
  
"I hope you know what you're doing, Baroness," Lady Jaye was apprehensive.  
  
"Ditto," Scarlett added, still disturbed by the idea. "But one thing's for sure; Duke can't come with me. He'll be waiting for any reason to tear Howie's head off and Howie will be all too happy to provoke him."  
  
*********************  
  
RADIO STATION - HOWIE STRONG SHOW  
  
"Mmmm, mmm, mmm, there's my little southern belle spitfire now, the infamous 'Scarlie Dearest'. Ohhhh MAN! Scarlie baby you are HOT!" Howie greeted Scarlett on the air as she entered the sound booth. "Mmm, mmm! Oh, that's what I'M talkin' about! Let me just say again that you are one hot broad!"  
  
"Wha' Howie, I DO declare! You DO have a way with the ladies don't you?" said Scarlett in her southern drawl.  
  
"Scarlie baby, take off your top. Let me see those big breasts of yours. What are you, a 'D' cup? Jesus Christ they're gorgeous!" Howie suggested.  
  
"Whattsa matta Howie, too cheap to buy a lady dinner first?" Scarlett taunted.  
  
Howie's sidekick Rhonda bellowed her famous laugh from inside her booth; "She's got you there, Howie!"  
  
"Aw come on Scarlie baby. How about just one then? You've seen one; you've seen them both. I'm dying to see that rack," coaxed Howie, "Are they real? Let me feel them."  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't mention 'dying' if I were you Howie," said Scarlett in her sweetest tone.  
  
"NO WIRE HANGERRRRS!!!!" played the sound byte.  
  
"Yeah! Now maybe we'll start to see some action here! So what's the deal with that wimp Trey? Is he gay or what? I mean, what man WOULDN'T want you to put your hands on him?" asked Howie. "We're all pigs; we'll take it any way we can get it!"  
  
"Now Howie, you be nice to Trey. Just because little 'ol ME is too much woman for him doesn't necessarily make him gay," said Scarlett facetiously.  
  
"She's too much woman for you too, Howie!" laughed Rhonda.  
  
"How about a woman? Would you put your hands on a chick? If we bring in a hot chick will you throw her around while I watch? How about one of your hot friends I saw waiting in the green room? Aw man I'm getting horny just thinking about it!" said Howie.  
  
"I'll make you a deal Howie. I'll oblige if I get to watch you make out with Trey!" Scarlett answered.  
  
"That's it? Oh, bring him here right now; I'll swap spit with him," offered Howie, "That's well worth the price of admission! Come on Scarlie, you know you want me."  
  
"She doesn't even know you!" laughed Rhonda.  
  
"Hold on, I'm flirting. Where's your boyfriend? Is he here?" asked Howie.  
  
"No Howie. It's just you and me!" teased Scarlett.  
  
"Out of sight, out of mind," Howie commented. "What a lucky bastard. You should dump that loser and take me for a spin. I'm hung like a tic-tac and I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life."  
  
"Have you seen her man? I wouldn't mess with him; he's a military icon. He can mop the floor with you!" said Rhonda.  
  
"I'd rather Scarlie mop the floor with me," said Howie.  
  
"Ooh, finally an offer I can't refuse!" said Scarlett.  
  
"Come on, you know you want me, that's love in your eye. All I need is 30 seconds; you won't feel a thing," coaxed Howie.  
  
"I'll tell 'ya what Howie. Howz about I just leave a little somethin' for you to remember me by?" said Scarlett in her southern drawl as she brought over her gift for Howie.  
  
"Oh my god, it's a wire hanger!" laughed Howie hysterically as he continued to read the card attached, "Howie, you naughty boy, don't make me use this. Scarlie Dearest." Rhonda was now laughing hysterically too. "I'm going to hang this right here. See honey, I had a feeling you were into S&M. We're made for each other."  
  
"NO WIRE HANGERRRRS!!!!" played the sound byte.  
  
"Oh but Howie, I'm already promised to another!" teased Scarlett.  
  
"All right, I can give you a full minute but that's my final offer," said Howie.  
  
"Maybe some other time," said Scarlett.  
  
"Scarlie baby, you are my kind of broad! You are one hot babe with a magnificent set of cans and you don't take any crap! And you're a good sport; you're all right," said Howie.  
  
"Why, thank you Howie. You're not so bad yourself," said Scarlett.  
  
"Okay, stop coming on to me," said Howie.  
  
The Baroness' idea worked. From then on Howie would only keep his tormenting directed towards Trey Stone while defending her actions and occasionally pretended to pine away on the air for Scarlett. The tabloids quickly moved on and in the end the rest of the entertainment industry gave Scarlett the respect she deserved. 


	3. Two's a Crowd - part 1

Two's a Crowd - part 1  
  
Disclaimer add-on: If you think this story's about you then you need to get over yourself!  
  
I STILL HAVE MORE TO ADD TO THIS PIECE BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO POST THIS PART OF THE STORY! ENJOY!  
  
Sometimes when there is a fear of too much intimacy, even two can be a crowd!  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"So Duke is all unpacked and settling in now," Scarlett updated her gal pals. Since they were already engaged and busy making wedding plans Scarlett figured they might as well start living together now and get that adjustment out of the way.  
  
"How is that working out so far?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"It's weird," answered Scarlett, "It was kind of nice to be able to send him home when I needed personal space; so where do I send him now? And where do I go now for personal space?"  
  
"You come to brunch and shopping with us!" said Cover Girl.  
  
"So in other words, the same thing you're already doing," chuckled Lady Jaye.  
  
"Well, that's the other thing. I'm worried we're going to turn into the proverbial boring couple with a humdrum life having boring sex if any at all; same same same," worried Scarlett.  
  
"Well I'll tell you what you do, darling. You keep it interesting!" said the Baroness then proudly added, "Why just last night I took Destro to 'Deja Flesh' and we watched the stage shows and bought a couple's dance in the VIP room. We went home and fucked ALL night." 'Deja Flesh' was an upscale strip club in the city.  
  
Lady Jay almost spit out her coffee, "Couple's dance?"  
  
"I thought those places were for men?" asked Scarlett.  
  
"How can you go to one of those places? They degrade and exploit women!" scolded Cover Girl.  
  
"Degrade? Exploit? Oh honey I don't think so! You've been listening to those dyke women's libbers too much. Those girls choose to be there and they are well compensated for it. Those girls are smart; they are utilizing their assets. Sex is power and so is money. It's simply an exchange of power: money for sex, or in this case the illusion of sex. If you ask me it's the men being exploited; they hand over all their money for the illusion of a beautiful girl that they would never have a chance with in the real world. They go home broke with blue balls and the only thing that got fucked was their wallet! It's fabulous." Baroness educated the others. Leave it to Baroness to find the beauty in this.  
  
"Hmm, so one woman's degradation is another woman's advantage," commented Scarlett.  
  
"Okay, and WHY would you take Destro there?" asked Lady Jaye skeptically.  
  
"Because darling, if he's going to look at other women I would like to make sure they're at least ones that he can't have and aren't interested in him. He's going to look with or without me so I might as well be there to oversee," said the Baroness with a little possessiveness in her undertone.  
  
"-and run interference," added Scarlett with a snicker.  
  
"I'm fulfilling his fantasies," the Baroness tried to justify.  
  
"Well just be careful with that fantasy stuff. Because if it doesn't work out and you break up then you're just the idiot who did it with him on a tank!" warned Cover Girl.  
  
"Was it Dusty?" asked Scarlett, her curiosity now piqued.  
  
"No! I'm just saying for instance," said a now paranoid and defensive Cover Girl then quickly changed the subject. "But I won't have that problem, because I just met the perfect guy. His name is Steve and he's 33, great-looking, divorced, drives a fancy sports car and is a successful entrepreneur. He has a 6-year-old daughter from his marriage but he's a very doting father so that kind of lightens up the baggage. I'm meeting up with him in Las Vegas this weekend."  
  
"To what, elope?" teased Lady Jaye.  
  
"No silly! He's already there for a convention so he invited me to join him there to spend the weekend with him." said Cover Girl.  
  
"Vegas is loaded with strip clubs. You should take Steve to one, you'll have fun!" Baroness suggested.  
  
"Okay, you know WAY too much about this. WHY do I get the feeling that your penthouse has a stage pole in there?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"It's in the bedroom, darling. It was a gift from Destro," the Baroness proudly answered.  
  
"You HAD to ask," Scarlett blamed to Lady Jaye, "Now I need a strong cocktail to get that visual out of my head."  
  
"Don't knock it till you try it," Baroness replied.  
  
"Make that two strong cocktails," Lady Jaye added.  
  
******************************  
  
LAS VEGAS - MANDALAY BAY HOTEL  
  
Cover Girl lay on her bed gazing dreamily into space. She was supposed to be getting ready for her night out with Steve. Her prior evening with him had been absolutely perfect. They had met at the Voodoo Lounge for cocktails and an elegant dinner with a view of the entire town. They had a great laugh over the specialty drink that was brought to them that looked like a volcano with lava, served in a bowl no less with two straws. Dinner was followed by a drive around the town, gambling, then back to the lounge at her hotel where they had more cocktails and Steve took off her shoes and gave her a foot massage. It was there they shared their first passionate kiss, which lasted till they got up to her room to be followed by perfect lovemaking, except she made them stop just before it got to that point. She didn't want to give in too quick and lose her mystery. As a gentleman he certainly understood, probably even respected her more for it, she thought. She looked at her souvenir photo that was taken of them by the restaurant photographer. They looked so perfect together. They were a very attractive couple. Steve with his short-but-stylish dark hair and good looks and Cover Girl with her long blond hair and striking beauty; they really complimented each other. 'Hmm, picture perfect,' Cover Girl mused. She couldn't believe her luck how they even met. She had a blind meeting with him for the magazine potentially using his services. She had arrived first at the restaurant for their business lunch. As she watched the customers walk in she saw a man she rated as "GQ" quality and wished it was him that she was there to meet; and it was! They hit it off immediately and here she was, walking on air.  
  
MGM GRAND HOTEL  
  
Cover Girl and Steve had shared a pleasant dinner, followed by a little gambling. Steve kept commenting on how other guys made no secret of staring at her when she was obviously with him and how rude they were being. She really hadn't noticed since her mind was elsewhere: on Steve to be precise. She had agreed that it was indeed rude but what can you do? Guys look at pretty girls and don't care about manners or courtesy to her date; it's just a fact of life. This was nothing new to her; she was accustomed to men taking notice of her. It didn't mean she had to reciprocate. It wasn't even like she tried to provoke it by dressing suggestively; on the contrary tonight she was covered up for the most part. They were now taking a break at the hotel's Irish themed sing-along piano bar for cocktails and music. That would surely take the edge off.  
  
It was a little crowded in the bar but they managed to find a small opening in the middle of the room to at least set their drinks down, though they had to stand up but still had a full view of the piano playing. Steve stood behind Cover Girl as they watched the entertainment. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw somebody walking up beside her from behind but disappeared. Steve grumbled something; something about "God, I leave a couple inches of space between us!" then disappeared in a huff to get another drink. Cover Girl realized the person she saw in the corner of her eye was now standing behind her, which was where he had disappeared to when she saw him walking up.  
  
It felt like Steve had been gone for an eternity so Cover Girl looked back to see if Steve was at least close to getting his drink yet. Steve did, and was talking to two blondes to boot. Cover Girl did a double take to make sure her eyes didn't deceive her. Unfortunately, they didn't. She turned back around to sip her strawberry daiquiri, figuring Steve would be back soon since he had seen her look at him and his new company. 'How can he even talk to those bimbos with their trampy hairstyles and obviously cheap black dresses? And if this conversation is so innocent how come I'm not included?' Cover Girl wondered to herself, 'I mean at least do me the courtesy of introducing me instead of ignoring me while we're out together. Even if he thinks I'm suddenly not good enough for him, he should flirt on his own time! How rude!' Cover Girl started to feel sick; she watched her perfect dream shatter before her very eyes and wasn't sure how to handle it. She wanted to cry but couldn't; she wanted to run out but worried that would be too hasty and ruin her dream. As she stood by herself she felt smaller and smaller. Oh God, how could she stay for this humiliation? Just then, after what seemed like another eternity, Steve finally called her over and introduced her to his new friends.  
  
"They don't believe you're my client," Steve explained to Cover Girl, "Go ahead and tell them." Cover Girl was horrified at what she just heard and wondered, 'Was he SERIOUS? Like I'M supposed to help him pick up chicks now? And now suddenly I'm his client? He certainly wasn't calling me his client when he was sucking face with me last night!' The figurative slap in the face stung worse than the physical kind.  
  
"Really? You want me to tell them the truth, right?" Cover Girl asked Steve.  
  
"Yes!" Steve coaxed her.  
  
"The TRUTH? You're SURE?" Cover Girl asked.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"All right," said Cover Girl as she took a deep breath and looked directly at the bimbos and explained, "Well you see, last night he came into the strip club I dance at and he bought some lap dances from me then said he'd give me $500 to go out with him tonight; but he didn't say anything about a ménage-a-FOUR! That's EXTRA!"  
  
The bimbos' mouths fell open with the suitably horrified and disgusted expression on their faces as Steve put his head down on the table with his hands covering his face and moaned, "I deserved that," over and over again.  
  
"I'm not feeling so well, why don't you stay and have fun now?" said Cover Girl in her sweetest voice to Steve. She took the pieces her dignity and self-respect and walked out. That stripper comeback line was so out of character for her but she was grateful it had flown out of her mouth before she even had time to think. She would have to thank the Baroness for planting that seed in her head.  
  
****************************  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! 


	4. Two's a Crowd - part 2

Two's a Crowd - Part 2  
  
Warning: Not for the uptight or prudish! I'd also like to give a shout out to my girl "Chocolate" (you know who you are, wink) for letting me borrow her magnificent persona.  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"What a dick! Un-fucking-believable!" exclaimed Lady Jaye. Cover Girl had just updated the others about her Vegas trip.  
  
"I can't believe he couldn't even wait until the date was over before picking up other chicks," said Scarlett.  
  
"Yeah, couldn't even give you the courtesy of ending the date and mysteriously never calling you again," said Lady Jaye, "And thank goodness you hadn't slept with him, imagine how foolish you would have felt for that? You really dodged a bullet there."  
  
"I just don't know what went wrong. Everything had been going so perfect. How does your date just turn on you like that?" Cover Girl lamented.  
  
"Yeah, call me old-fashioned but doesn't he at least owe her monogamy till the date is over?" Scarlett wondered aloud.  
  
"Darling, I'll tell you what happened. Your 'Pretty Boy' couldn't handle that his date was getting more attention than him," Baroness informed, "So he had to show you that he gets attention too. Instead of appreciating that he was a lucky son-of-a-bitch to have you on his arm his insecurity got the better of him and he had to compete with you, even if it meant making a complete ass out of himself."  
  
"But those girls, you should have seen them, they were so - cheap! I don't think they spent more than $10 between them for their bad bleach jobs! How could he pass me over for them!" said Cover Girl.  
  
"Like I just said, darling, it's all about his insecurity. Those chippies weren't a threat because nobody's going to give them a second look if they're lucky to even get ONE in the first place. So your pretty Steve would be the one to stand out." Baroness explained.  
  
"You know, what scares me is that this guy is somebody's daddy. Some role model, how would he like it if some asshole did this to his precious daughter?" commented Lady Jaye.  
  
"Well I think you handled it very well. I couldn't have done better myself," Scarlett commended.  
  
"Yes, except I would have thrown a drink in his fucken' face," the Baroness added. She always did have a flair for the over dramatic. "You were 100% fabulous. You're a very beautiful sexy girl and can do much better."  
  
"I don't feel beautiful or sexy. Steve was my ideal, everything I was looking for; and he didn't want me. I'm undesirable," lamented a broken- hearted Cover Girl.  
  
"Oh MAN, this guy REALLY did a number on you!" Lady Jaye sat back in amazement at her friend. "Look, I'm really sorry this had to happen to you and you didn't deserve it but you can't let it rent space in your head! Honey, you think he was your ideal but all that glitters is not gold."  
  
"Right, just think of Steve as fool's gold," Scarlett suggested, "Don't worry, the real thing is still out there."  
  
"I just don't think so anymore," Cover Girl said sadly.  
  
The others looked at each other to solicit support but all were speechless. What do you do when the last remaining romantic optimist loses hope?  
  
**********************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
Duke walked in and set his luggage down then flopped on the couch. He had just come home from a weeklong business trip and was exhausted.  
  
"Hello love," Scarlett jumped on the couch to give Duke a welcome home kiss, "You should have told me you were coming in early. I would have picked you up. Did you miss me?"  
  
"No," Duke teased, "I just came home a day early to catch you in a compromising position but no such luck."  
  
"Oh, you're too late. Falcon left hours ago," Scarlett replied.  
  
"Hey!" Duke didn't want to hear that she was with his brother or anyone else for that matter, even in jest.  
  
"Hey yourself. You started it, tough guy," Scarlett stuck her tongue out.  
  
"Ooh, careful, I might make you use that later," Duke teased.  
  
"Oh really? Is that so?" Scarlett asked seductively as she crawled on top of him and softly kissed his neck while suggestively adding, "I missed you so much. Maybe I'll just use it right now."  
  
"Mmm, I'd love nothing more but I can barely keep my eyes open. After a nap?" said Duke.  
  
"Uh, okay," Scarlett pretended to agree though it gave her an uneasy feeling. She rolled off of Duke and got off the couch.  
  
"You okay?" Duke asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah. You go take a nap and I'll just see what the girls are doing tonight," Scarlett tried to play off her fretfulness. She went into the bedroom to call Lady Jaye.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing?" Scarlett asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"Not a goddamn thing. Flint's too pooped to play," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"Well I just got passed over for a nap. You want to go out?" asked Scarlett.  
  
"Immediately!" Lady Jaye insisted, "We should round up the others too. It would do Cover Girl some good to get out and Baroness can be the entertainment."  
  
*************************  
  
BARONESS' LIMO  
  
"Ladies, I have lost my mojo and I am officially over, O-V-E-R," Scarlett updated the others in the Baroness' limo. They often used Baroness' car and driver so they could drink without driving. "We are already boring and we're not even married yet."  
  
"At least you got to your engagement first," said Lady Jaye, "Flint's already a party pooper. We're officially old."  
  
"Don't you dare!" the Baroness scolded, "You're just a couple years younger than me and I am not old! Now bite your tongue and take these." Baroness handed everyone champagne glasses.  
  
"Where are we going anyway?" asked Cover Girl.  
  
"On a little field trip to adjust your attitude, darling. You could ALL use it!" answered the Baroness.  
  
"I want to pop a xanax and go to bed," Cover Girl grumbled.  
  
"You can do that later, darling," said Baroness as the car pulled up to their destination.  
  
"DEJA FLESH!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?" exclaimed Lady Jaye in disbelief.  
  
"You're not actually serious?" Scarlett was in disbelief as well.  
  
"I can't go in there!" whined Cover Girl.  
  
"Consider it a hand-on workshop on sex appeal and desire, taught to you by highly paid specialists. Trust me, you'll be anything but dull or boring by the time you leave here. It'll be fabulous," said the proud Baroness.  
  
"Baroness, we're already sexy. We don't need any help," Lady Jaye was a little insulted.  
  
"Of course we're sexy, darling! It's all about enhancing and fine-tuning what we already have. Expand your horizons!" Baroness explained, "Look, men come here and dump their wallets for a reason. Don't you want to find out why? When the enemy has information you need, what do you do?"  
  
"Infiltrate enemy camp," Scarlett answered, now knowing where Baroness was going with this.  
  
"Exactly," said Baroness.  
  
With that kind of reasoning after her latest dating disaster, Cover Girl took a deep breath then said with determination, "What the hell. What have I got to lose?" Scarlett and Lady Jaye were too stunned by Cover Girl's answer not to follow suit.  
  
****************************  
  
DEJA FLESH - MAIN ROOM  
  
"I can't even see where I'm going. It's too damn dark in here," said Lady Jaye. The room was lit only by neon light trim along the ceiling and the light show on stage.  
  
"Yeah, I get the scam now. After you pay a $25 cover charge they keep it too dark to see the naked ladies," Scarlett chuckled then mocked, "Ooh, you're right Baroness; this is 'fabulous'."  
  
"Yeah, I'm in the wrong business. I should open one of these, I won't have to worry about a light bill," Lady Jaye chimed in.  
  
"Give your eyes a minute to adjust!" Baroness ordered the others. She was right. Once their eyes adjusted to the darkness they could see the other customers and the dancers walking the main floor in long gowns. Dancers only undressed on stage. The place was also decorated in brass trim. "Now sit your asses down and watch the stage show and for god's sake take copious notes!"  
  
"Well I could have just watched a Britney Spears video and saved myself the trouble of coming here," joked Lady Jaye after a couple of stage shows.  
  
"That's quite enough," said Baroness.  
  
"Yeah, except these girls have more clothes on," Scarlett added.  
  
"Isn't that Selena?" Baroness asked out loud.  
  
"Wh-what!? Where!" Scarlett's face was practically as red as her hair. After all these years that name was still guaranteed to get a rise out of her.  
  
"NOW that I finally have your attention, stop being so fucking juvenile!" the Baroness ordered then added, "Fine. You two fucking comedians can go back home to your boring relationships with your dwindling sex lives and go watch your Britney fucking Spears video."  
  
"Shut up you guys! I'm trying to watch the show! We're here to learn something!" said Cover Girl. She had been attentively studying the stage performances the entire time. Baroness smirked at them triumphantly and Scarlett and Lady Jaye relented.  
  
"Oooo-kayyyy," Lady Jaye said quietly.  
  
"Fucken' buzzkill," Scarlett sulked under her breath.  
  
"I heard that," warned Baroness.  
  
After an hour of watching stage performances Baroness announced, "Okay ladies. Now we go to the VIP room."  
  
"For what?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"I'm buying us all dances. They're much more private in the VIP room. Unless of course you prefer to have the ladies dance for you in front of all these guys," Baroness warned.  
  
"I'm going," Scarlett quickly replied.  
  
"Me too," said Lady Jaye as she hurried off with the others.  
  
**************  
  
DEJA FLESH - VIP ROOM  
  
Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl waited for the Baroness to return. Meanwhile they had a bottle of champagne chilled in an ice bucket to keep them occupied. The VIP room was definitely more comfortable than the main floor. The seating and atmosphere were plusher and the music wasn't as loud in there. And the other patrons couldn't pester them in there. Baroness walked in flanked by a pair of attractive dancers in long curve- hugging dresses. They kind of had that Pam Anderson and Tracy Bingham look going respectively.  
  
"Hey, all she's missing is the pimp-coat and feather-brimmed hat," Scarlett whispered to Lady Jaye.  
  
"Maybe she can borrow Destro's," Lady Jaye whispered back.  
  
"Darlings, this is Candi and Chocolate," Baroness announced, "They will be dancing for you tonight. They are going to show you how to dance seductive and sensual, not to be confused with sexual dance; that's nasty."  
  
"Candi and Chocolate?" asked Scarlett. They were all trying their best not to laugh or offend. After all, it wasn't the dancers' fault that the Baroness dragged them here.  
  
"Uh huh, I'm Candi, with an 'i'," said Candi, "and she's Chocolate."  
  
"Are they supposed to be dancers or the dessert tray?" Lady Jaye whispered to Scarlett.  
  
"Hey now," greeted Chocolate, "we're so sweet we'll give you cavities!" The others gave in to their giggling.  
  
"It's okay, we won't bite," said Candi, "We like dancing for women."  
  
"Are you -," Cover Girl couldn't bring herself to finish the question.  
  
"-Lesbians? Honey, no." answered Chocolate.  
  
"It's just that women are so much easier to dance for because they're like so much nicer to us than these jerk guys, and they smell better too. Those assholes think just because they're in this place they can like try to touch you or take you home. And these guys are like doctors and lawyers and teachers and stuff! Women behave way better and are so much more appreciative and not all like 'so do you have a boyfriend?' or 'so do you have a phone number?'," Candi filled them in.  
  
"So they can't touch you?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"Hell no!" said Chocolate, "But you get some that try to act like they didn't know the rules. I tell those nasty bastards to go somewhere else with that. I don't need that shit. Like the song says: 'No sex in the champagne room'." The speech made the others feel a little more comfortable about being there.  
  
"Darlings, this is costing $40 per song. So if you're done with '20 Questions' can we get on with this?" The Baroness was starting to get impatient.  
  
"So are you ready for Barbie and Christy?" asked Candi.  
  
"Yeah, are you ready for some brown sugar? Sweet as honey!" teased Chocolate. The others giggled.  
  
"Okay," giggled Cover Girl.  
  
"Hey Cover Girl, no touching the ladies!" joked Lady Jaye.  
  
"Hey Jaye, kiss my ass!" Cover Girl replied in jest.  
  
Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl all received seductive dance instruction and got tips on how to move sensually without actually getting physical. The foursome headed back home with their new insights. Cover Girl was the first to get dropped off.  
  
"So do we get diplomas for 'How to be a First-Class Tease'?" Cover Girl kidded as she stepped out of the limo and said her goodbyes. She walked into her 4th floor apartment and went right to bed, minus the xanax she wished for earlier. Though she still didn't feel any better about the male species, armed with her new knowledge she did feel better about herself and her desirability. She even got a couple of puff-piece articles for her magazine out of the experience.  
  
************************  
  
LADY JAYE'S APARTMENT  
  
Lady Jaye entered her bedroom to find Flint sound asleep in their bed. She flicked the lights on and started playing her favorite Al Green CD. Flint stirred out of his sleep to find Lady Jaye standing in the doorway, leaning against the door jam and looking passionately at him.  
  
"Hey, you're home now. You okay?" Flint wasn't sure what to make of this picture.  
  
"I'm fabulous," answered Lady Jaye with a sly smile as she slowly walked towards the bed while peeling off her leather blazer, leaving now just the matching leather skirt and lace bustier. Flint started to get up but Lady Jaye stopped him. "No no, you stay right there for your show," she said sweetly.  
  
"My SHOW?" Flint was taken aback, "What exactly went on tonight?"  
  
"Oh let's just say that we had a little private tutorial - at Deja Flesh," Lady Jay said demurely as she slowly unzipped her skirt to let it drop on the floor as she stepped out of it.  
  
"Say WHAT?" Flint was flabbergasted and intrigued at the same time then half-joked, "And you didn't bring me along to watch you get this 'tutorial'?"  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Lady Jaye said sweetly as she had already slinked her way to the canopy bedpost, "But you said you were tired." She rested her back against the bedpost and slowly lifted her arms above her head to hold the post while slowly rotating her hips side to side along with the music. She never lost eye contact since Flint's awakening.  
  
"Uh - ah - well I wasn't THAT tired," Flint pleaded.  
  
"Oh, well that's a shame. I guess I'll just have to show you what you missed," said Lady Jaye as she kept one hand anchored to the bedpost and gracefully swung herself on to the bed.  
  
************************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
Scarlett walked into her apartment to find Duke sitting in the living room watching TV. She took off her coat and asked, "I thought you were going to sleep?"  
  
"I tried but it didn't really happen. Jet lag." Duke replied.  
  
"Oh, my poor baby," Scarlett sweetly consoled, "and here I was partying at Deja Flesh while you were home alone."  
  
"Did not," Duke wasn't sure if she was just pulling his leg or not.  
  
"Oh yes," Scarlett softly replied as she turned off the TV and turned on the radio on then slowly walked around while toying with the straps of her Calvin Klein slip dress, "and we had lots of champagne in the VIP room, where I received dances from the very best in the business. And they showed me a thing or two." She was now standing directly in front of Duke and leaning over him, slowly swaying her hips to the music. Her dress straps had fallen off her shoulders, revealing even deeper cleavage.  
  
"You did?" Duke was now starting to believe her story, though he could hardly believe his ears.  
  
"That's right," said Scarlett as she arched her back and shifted her head to flip her long flowing red mane. Most of her hair landed on Duke's shoulder, tickling his neck as it slid off. Scarlett let her hair slide down to his lap then flipped it back. Duke put his hands on her hips to bring her closer.  
  
"No-no," Scarlett kindly regulated as she gently put his hands back down beside him, "You see Mr. Hauser, there's no touching the dancers. It's against the rules."  
  
"Oh come on, that's not fair. This is torture!" Duke pleaded as Scarlett slowly maneuvered herself over Duke while maintaining an inch of space between them the entire time. Then with her back to him she picked up her hair and slowly let it fall down her back. She leaned back and let her head rest on Duke's shoulder with her arm wrapped around the other side of his neck.  
  
"Sorry Hauser, but this is a class joint," Scarlett whispered in his ear, "Rules are rules."  
  
"I seem to remember us breaking a few rules back in the day," Duke tried to appeal, now overwhelmed with anticipation.  
  
"Oh, you mean you wanted the 'Duke Delight'? Well that just happens to be the house special," said Scarlett seductively as she closed the air space between them, now maintaining full body contact as she slid down his body.  
  
"Oh my God," sighed Duke, relishing his namesake seduction dance, "You should go out with the girls more often."  
  
******************** 


	5. Opening Night

Opening Night  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"Can you believe us?" giggled Cover Girl. The four gal pals were reminiscing about their trip to 'Deja Flesh' the week prior.  
  
"Well I would I hate to say 'I told you so' darlings, but then I would be depriving myself of the pleasure of rubbing your noses in it," said Baroness.  
  
"I couldn't help overhearing you lovely ladies. I ain't tryin' to get in your mess, but did you say you went to 'Deja Flesh'?" Roadblock was sure he heard wrong.  
  
"We did. Jealous?" answered Lady Jaye.  
  
"Hell yeah I'm jealous! Was my girl Chocolate there?" Roadblock asked with anticipation. Everyone's face lit up.  
  
"Is there something you'd like to tell us?" asked Scarlett with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Roadblock! You naughty boy you!" Cover Girl taunted in faux astonishment.  
  
"Make all the jokes you want, but that sweet thing is my little Jamaican truffle. Mmm, mmm," said Roadblock wistfully then added, "She calls me 'Sexual Chocolate'."  
  
Baroness almost sprayed her afternoon cocktail all over the table but grabbed her napkin to her face in time then informed, "Darling, that's just too much information."  
  
"So if the Joe team ever reassembles will this be your new code name?" Scarlett asked playfully, unable to contain her laughter by now.  
  
"Maybe it will, just hope we never have to find out," Roadblock proudly replied as he headed back for the kitchen while the laughter broke out.  
  
"Ooh, I think a certain chef has a little crush on a certain exotic dancer!" said Cover Girl.  
  
"Why does that name sound so familiar?" asked Scarlett.  
  
"What, 'Sexual Chocolate'?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"No, the other one," Scarlett replied as she grabbed the dessert menu and looked it over, "Aha! Here it is: 'Jamaican Truffle; an exotic chocolate fantasy'. Ooh, make that a BIG crush!" The group 'Oooh'd' like schoolgirls.  
  
"Okay, we should leave poor Roadblock alone now," Cover Girl suggested as she wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes, "We want to still be welcome here."  
  
"Indeed darling," replied Baroness then turned to Lady Jaye and asked, "So, are you ready for your big night?" Tomorrow night was opening night to Lady Jaye's one-woman show, produced by Scarlett of course and the most important achievement in their entertainment careers to date.  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be I suppose. I just wish Flint could be here for this," said Lady Jaye somberly, "he's still going to be stuck in Washington for a few more days."  
  
"Oh honey, you know he wishes he could be here too. He knows how important this is to you," Scarlett tried to reassure, "You know Duke would have taken his place in a heartbeat but they absolutely insisted on Flint this time."  
  
Lady Jaye tried to crack a smile, "I know. That's just the way it is."  
  
"Your mother's still coming right?" Scarlett asked.  
  
"I'd really rather she didn't. I'm under enough stress as it is without having her to contend with," said Lady Jaye. Her mother made no secret of her disapproval of Lady Jaye's military career. Lady Jaye was raised to be a sophisticated society girl, not a soldier and had even been cut off from the family finances as a discouragement tactic, not that it worked.  
  
"Oh honey, no! This is a big big fucking deal! I know she's a bit hard to take but-" Scarlett started to plead her case.  
  
"- a BIT hard to take?" Lady Jaye interrupted, "You try growing up with that stoic iceberg. Come on, you've met the woman!"  
  
"Mothers can be such a bitch," said Baroness with an exasperated sigh. Scarlett shot them both an icy glare. They knew what was coming next and immediately regretted saying too much. Scarlett's mother died when she was just a small child and had very little memory of her.  
  
"Look, you only get one mother. She may not be perfect or June fucking Cleaver, but you don't know how much time you have with her. Do you really want to spend it all on petty bickering?" Scarlett chided in a tone that would send chills down Cobra's back. She paused then softened her tone, "Look Jaye, as I was saying, you've already proven yourself; that nobody will make your life choices for you. You defied them and joined the army and became the best of the best. You didn't return to acting until you were damn good and ready. You made your point; you won! So come on, throw the old iceberg a bone. And you won't be alone; we'll all be there to help run interference for you."  
  
"She's right," Cover Girl said softly.  
  
"Damn," Lady Jaye grumbled. She knew she was backed into a guilt-trip corner and there was no way she could tell Scarlett 'no' now. This was a subject Scarlett rarely ever brought up and Lady Jaye knew she meant business. "Fine. But I'm telling you to be careful what you wish for."  
  
Scarlett's face lit up, "Oh this is great! I'm telling you everything will be just fabulous."  
  
"Well at least Flint won't have to deal with her and all that 'he's just a soldier-boy and not good enough' business," Lady Jaye tried to console herself. She was convinced that no good could come from this.  
  
"I shall put Lady Hart's name on the guest list," Baroness sighed as she shook her head.  
  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
  
JFK AIRPORT - SAME DAY  
  
Duke and Scarlett entered the airport terminal and checked the flight schedule. "Dammit! Flint's flight has been delayed 40 minutes!" Duke cursed.  
  
"Well that sucks. But it happens all the time; what can you do?" Scarlett shrugged, "Look, it's not a terrible amount of time. So why don't we just grab a bite to eat or something?"  
  
"Allrighty," Duke replied as they started walking through the crowds. Duke then softly ran his hand up Scarlett's back to her neck then carefully but firmly grabbed a fistful of hair right at the base of the scalp and whispered in her ear, "I have a better idea."  
  
Scarlett had goose bumps, and was intrigued. "Oh really? And exactly where do you think this is supposed to happen?"  
  
"Come on, there's got to be a supply closet or something around here," Duke replied.  
  
"Oh no. No way am I doing it in some airport closet. And all these people!" Scarlett protested.  
  
"And its so noisy nobody will hear you scream. Don't forget Flint is staying with us tonight so this is last call to get loud," Duke was still whispering in her ear with his handful of her hair.  
  
With a mischievous grin, Scarlett glared at Duke and growled, "Okay Mr. 'Man of Action'. You're on." They found a janitor supply closet to hide in. Duke had picked the lock while Scarlett stood guard and they were in there in no time at all. Duke untied the belt to Scarlett's wrap-around dress while she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. He pinned her back against the wall as her dress wrap parted open in front and they had their way with each other standing up. When they were done they carefully exited the closet quietly giggling and trying to recompose themselves only to be startled by a voice behind them.  
  
"Duke? Scarlett?" Scarlett gasped and spun around as her eyes widened at the voice behind her. It was Flint carrying his garment bag. "I was looking all over for you guys. What are you doing?"  
  
"Uh-ah-hmmm--well--," Duke stuttered as he scratched his head trying in vain to come up with a quick answer.  
  
"Uh Scarlett, ahem-," Flint motioned at her dress. Most of the left half of her bra was on display.  
  
"Oh shit!" Scarlett exclaimed as she quickly tightened the wrap on her dress while turning eight shades of red.  
  
"God, couldn't you crazy kids have gotten a room?" Flint laughed as he rolled his eyes.  
  
**********************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT EVENING  
  
"I hope this works, Red," said Flint.  
  
"Don't worry! You'll be great!" Scarlett tried to reassure. Scarlett, Duke and Flint were in the living room watching a movie when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Duke looked out the peephole and mouthed to Scarlett "It's Jaye." Scarlett ran to the door and motioned for the other two to hide in the bedroom. She cracked the door open.  
  
"Uh, hi Jaye! What's up?" Scarlett asked her nervously.  
  
"I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. Aren't you going to let me in?" said Lady Jaye, a bit perplexed by Scarlett's strange behavior.  
  
"Oh! Well, um, you can't come in right now," Scarlett quickly slid outside the door and closed it, holding the doorknob behind her.  
  
"I thought you might want to go get a quick drink with me before I -what the hell is going on here?" Lady Jaye demanded to know.  
  
"Ahhh, well, ummm - Duke's naked!" Scarlett finally picked an answer.  
  
"Uh, okay. So how come you're still fully dressed?" Lady Jaye asked skeptically.  
  
"We're-we're playing a game! Uh huh!" Scarlett smiled nervously.  
  
"What kind of - okay never mind. You know what, please DON'T tell me!" Lady Jaye shook her head and laughed as she started to head back towards the elevator and shouted, "I'll see you tomorrow!" Scarlett slipped back into her apartment to find Duke standing in the foyer with his arms folded.  
  
"I'm NAKED?" asked Duke in amusement. Instead of hiding he had been listening at the door.  
  
"Yeah, well I had to think of something that would scare her off!" taunted Scarlett.  
  
"Oh ha-ha, very funny. You'll pay for that, O'Hara," warned Duke as he gave her a playful swat on the butt.  
  
***********************  
  
LADY JAYE'S ONE-WOMAN SHOW - OPENING NIGHT  
  
After a flawless performance, Lady Jaye came back out to the stage to do her obligatory encore appearance and bow to the audience who was now giving her a standing ovation. She was already a nervous wreck just knowing that her mother was in the audience criticizing and she didn't have Flint around for moral support. But she could breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the worst was over and she could hopefully relax and enjoy the opening night party. Hopefully she would be able to dodge her mother for most of the night; there would certainly be enough people at the party to keep her unavailable. She then heard the crowd going wild. Flint had walked out on stage carrying an enormous bouquet of red roses for the actress, and looked ever so dashing in his tuxedo. Lady Jaye was at a loss for words as he handed her the roses.  
  
"Flint!" Lady Jaye started to cry. He was a sight for sore eyes.  
  
"Come on, honey. You didn't think I'd miss this for the world did you?" Flint smoothly replied as he bowed down to her on one knee. The audience started screaming so loud she almost couldn't hear what was next. She thought she was going to faint, her heart was racing and everything felt so surreal.  
  
"Lady Hart-Burnett, I love you and I'm asking you in front of all of Manhattan to marry me. Just like that," Flint proposed then added with a cracked smile, "And in front of your mother I might add."  
  
Lady Jaye let out a nervous laugh at that last line and knelt down to Flint's level so he could hear her say "Yes." They got up so he could slide her Cartier 2.34 carat diamond platinum ring on her finger then kissed her. The audience took that as a cue that the proposal was accepted and cheered wildly. Flint swept Lady Jaye up in his arms and carried her off stage.  
  
Scarlett entered Lady Jaye's dressing room to find her already changed into her pewter colored silk evening dress. "You look beautiful Mrs. Faireborne. And by the way, you were outstanding tonight," said Scarlett with a tearful smile as Lady Jaye got up to hug her.  
  
"I don't suppose you were in on this were you?" Lady Jaye asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, I am the producer of this show aren't I?" Scarlett demurely replied.  
  
"I knew it!" Lady Jaye laughed. "You're so bad!"  
  
"I know. You ready for the party, superstar?" Scarlett cheerfully replied.  
  
***********************  
  
  
  
TAVERN ON THE GREEN - OPENING NIGHT PARTY  
  
"Oh Baroness, this is magnificent! You've really outdone yourself!" Lady Jaye exclaimed in awe of the fine décor for the opening night party. It seemed everywhere she looked was also brimming with Beluga Caviar and Cristal Champagne.  
  
"Well darling, I made it clear to those little bitch-boy party planners that their pretty heads would be the table centerpieces if any detail was anything less than perfection. Nothing is too fabulous for your big opening night-slash-surprise engagement party," Baroness smugly replied.  
  
"Thank you," Lady Jaye tenderly replied.  
  
"Now don't get soft on me Jaye. There are some photographers waiting for you and Scarlett over there. Now shoo," Baroness excused her then turned to Destro and asked suspiciously, "You're in a bloody good mood, my dear. What ever are you smiling about?" Destro had been sporting a most satisfied expression on his face all evening.  
  
"I just enjoy a good show, my dear Baroness," Destro casually replied. He was also enjoying the idea of this show potentially making him millions for his covert funding.  
  
"Hmmm." Baroness was still skeptical but didn't care enough to pursue it.  
  
"Oh Jaye, you were an angel on stage! And then you got engaged in front of all of New York, aren't you so excited!" Cover Girl squealed in excitement for her friend. The group was settled at their table now.  
  
"Definitely not what I expected," Lady Jaye smiled at Flint then added, "Nice covert ops, Scarlett."  
  
"Thank you," Scarlett replied. Lady Hart subtly cleared her throat.  
  
"Yes Allison dear," Lady Hart refused to acknowledge her daughter's Joe code name, "I can't tell you how delighted we are that you finally decided to stop playing soldier and get back to your real career where your talent isn't wasted."  
  
"Mother-," Lady Jaye's eyes narrowed at Lady Hart, warning her to stop.  
  
"On the contrary, Allison's talents were anything but wasted in the Joe team. Her talents were a tremendous asset in covert ops," Scarlett tried to reason.  
  
"Honestly Allison, you could have had an Oscar by now!" Lady Hart huffed then turned to Scarlett and casually mentioned, "Miss O'Hara, you don't think those shoes are a tad ostentatious?"  
  
"Mother!" Lady Jaye was obviously pissed now.  
  
Scarlett looked down at her Manolo Blahnik gold evening sandals, held only to her feet by two thin gold straps adorned in Swarovski crystals. With a forced smile she sweetly replied, "No Lady Hart. I think they're juuuust right!"  
  
"Excuse me, I'm going to get us some champagne," Flint excused himself from the table.  
  
"Now Allison, really. It's not too late to change your mind about marrying this soldier-boy," Lady Hart smoothly coaxed. "You can do SO much better. Why there must be a hundred gentlemen I know of from the finest backgrounds that would jump at the chance to marry you, dear."  
  
"That's it! Look mother, I'm not-," Lady Jaye started to chastise.  
  
"Excuse me, Lady Hart," Duke interrupted, "May I have the honor of having the first dance with you this evening m'Lady?"  
  
"Why thank you, dear. That would be splendid," Lady Hart replied then as she got up coolly said to Scarlett, "You don't mind if I borrow your soldier, do you Scarlie Dearest?" Scarlett's eyes widened as she gritted her teeth under her fake smile that she held until Lady Hart was gone. Everyone else at the table was too flabbergasted to say anything.  
  
"WHAT did she just call me? Okay, what the fuck is her problem?" Scarlett snapped. She downed her glass of champagne and grabbed another off the waiter's tray.  
  
"Do you want the whole list or just the top 100? Do I get to say 'I told you so' yet?" asked Lady Jaye. She felt bad. She had expected her mother to give her a hard time but wasn't prepared for her to act so insufferable to her friends.  
  
"Why does she hate Scarlett? If she loves you acting so much then why does she hate your producer?" Cover Girl was trying to make sense of this.  
  
"Well that's easy," said Lady Jaye, "First of all, Scarlett was on the Joe team; a 'soldier-girl' if you will. Second, Scarlett is what she would call 'new money', which the self-proclaimed blue-blooded society women have absolutely no respect for. Then there's the whole Trey Stone tabloid scandal and Howie Strong Show appearance."  
  
"That is such bullshit. That bitch married into her title. No offense Jaye," commented the Baroness.  
  
"None taken," laughed Lady Jaye, "You see why I left? Cobra Commander's an easier pill to swallow!"  
  
"I'll ssssssecond that," said Scarlett, imitating Cobra. She was already on her fourth glass of champagne. Destro laughed and Baroness gave him a warning elbow jab to his side. Scarlett laughed too. "So is it 'Scarlie Dearest' that Mumsy Hart wants? I can oblige. Where's my man Howie Strong?"  
  
"Eeeewww, why would Howie Strong be here?" asked Cover Girl.  
  
"Because Scarlett put his name on the guest list, darling," Baroness replied as Destro let out another hearty laugh. Scarlett got up from the table.  
  
"Where are you going?" asked Cover Girl.  
  
"Why, to play the bad guy of course. I'm going to have fun with that stoic old bat!" Scarlett replied with an evil smirk then left for her mission.  
  
"Well this should be interesting! And I thought this party would be boring!" Flint laughed as Lady Jaye smacked his arm.  
  
Scarlett made her way around the room and eventually found Howie Strong. She wasn't even sure if he was coming but he had showed up after all. She walked up to him from behind and surprised him in her southern drawl, "Wha' Howie I DO declare! Are you gonna to ask a lady to dance or ar'ya just gonna ignore me all evenin'?" Howie turned around with a delighted expression on his face to find Scarlett standing with one hand on her hip and the other holding a champagne glass.  
  
"Scarlie baby! How the hell are you? Oh man, you look HOT!" Howie greeted her.  
  
"I know. So are we gonna cut a rug or what?" Scarlett demanded as she pulled Howie to the dance floor.  
  
"No she didn't!" Cover Girl exclaimed in disbelief. Everyone at the table was watching in bewilderment.  
  
"Apparently she did," Flint hissed, getting annoyed with what he was witnessing.  
  
"Oh darling, lighten up! I'm sure she has something fabulous up her sleeve," Baroness said assumingly.  
  
"See Scarlie baby, I knew you wanted me," Howie taunted Scarlett as they danced.  
  
"Oh Howie, you DO have a way with the ladies don't you?" Scarlett laughed. Duke was still dancing with Lady Hart and could see Scarlett and Howie now. Duke looked at Scarlett with a baffled expression. Scarlett smiled at Duke and mouthed the words "Wanna fuck?" to him. With a now surprised look, Duke smiled back and gave her a nod.  
  
"Oh excuse me Lady Hart," Scarlett interrupted the Lady's dance with Duke, "but have you met Howie Strong? Why he has to be the most famous man in this town if not the entire country. Howie dear, would you mind dancing with Lady Hart while I steal my fiancé for a minute? Why she's a real 'Lady' you know."  
  
"Catch 'ya later Scarlie baby," Howie obliged Scarlett's request. In keeping with her highly esteemed manners, Lady Hart didn't refuse Howie's dance.  
  
"Oh my God!" Lady Jaye gasped as she kept her hand covered over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughing at her mother's predicament. "Flint look! You gotta see this!"  
  
"What the-," Flint bellowed out in laughter. "Where are the photographers? We need evidence of this!"  
  
"Told you so," Baroness coolly reminded them.  
  
Scarlett and Duke snuck into the coat check storage for their little rendezvous. As they were wildly making out they got tangled up in several coats, causing them to lose their balance and fall. Scarlett grabbed an armful of coats to try to prevent their fall, bringing down the entire coat rack crashing down on top of them as Scarlett let out a high pitched scream. Most of the room heard the commotion and gathered around to see what was going on. Scarlett and Duke were buried under a pile of coats laughing hysterically. Lady Jaye, Flint, and Cover Girl were laughing so hard they were in tears. Baroness and Destro stood by chuckling.  
  
"Honestly Miss O'Hara this behavior is completely inappropriate!" Lady Hart expressed her disapproval to Scarlett. It was obvious she was fuming underneath her stoic exterior. "Do you really need another tabloid scandal?"  
  
"Oh yes, that. And what are they going to say? That I have sex with my boyfriend of what, about eight years now? Who I'm also marrying? Ooh, I'm sure the paparazzi knows that everyone will be running to the newsstands to read all about it," Scarlett replied sarcastically as she threw the last fallen coat off of her. She was fed up with the Lady's attitude and decided to let her have it back. "I may be just some 'soldier-girl' to you, but I'm the toast of this fucken' town. So with all due respect Mumsy Hart, if you want to see the girl next door, then go next fucken' door!"  
  
Baroness bellowed out a loud laugh. It elated her to hear someone else use her 'girl next door' line for a change. Lady Jaye put her arm through her mother's and with a smile whispered to her, "Remember mother, you wanted this for me. Welcome to the entertainment industry."  
  
"Allison, we'll talk about this later." Lady Hart had already collected herself as she was trained to do in record time. "But it's late and I really must go back to my hotel and lie down."  
  
As the evening started to wear down, Baroness found Scarlett alone on the patio sipping champagne and getting some fresh air. "Darling I'm so sorry that worthless Hart bitch is being so horrible to you. She's spitting nails because Flint's not good enough for her Jaye so she's taking it out on you," Baroness consoled Scarlett, "If she only knew how hard you lobbied for her to even be allowed to come here in the first place." A wicked smile slowly crept on Scarlett's face as she took another sip of her champagne. Baroness took a moment to read her pleased expression then gasped in delight, "Oh you fucken' bitch! You set up the proposal and you KNEW that snooty old axe would never approve; and you made damn sure she would be here to witness the event just to rub her nose in it!"  
  
Scarlett took another sip of her champagne then looked at the Baroness with the evil grin still on her face and said in mock haughtiness, "Well, I am the producer of this show aren't I?"  
  
Baroness let out a subtle but maniacal laugh, "Oh darling, I knew there was a reason I liked you!"  
  
****************** 


	6. Fantasy Boys

Fantasy Boys  
  
Disclaimer add-on: If you think this story's about you then, uh, you're a very lucky man! I also don't own the lyrics to "California Dreamin'" by The Mamas & The Papas, blah blah blah.  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"No offense darlings, but I'm going to have to decline any requests in regards to my being a bridesmaid. It's just so unbecoming, no matter how 'tasteful' the dresses are. I'm perfectly content to give you my support from the comfort of my assigned seat. Then I can wear something fabulous," the Baroness broke the news to Scarlett and Lady Jaye.  
  
"Hey, no offense taken. I just didn't want you to say that I didn't ask," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"Yeah, we know it's not your thing. Hell, at this point I'm starting to wonder if its even MY thing," said Scarlett. "I haven't planned a single detail of the wedding yet. NONE."  
  
"Well what about your dress? You DO at least have THAT don't you?" Cover Girl asked with an urgent tone.  
  
"NONE. The furthest I've gotten was asking you to be my bridesmaids, which technically you're the one who actually brought it up first," said Scarlett. "I'm not even excited about this stuff, I just keep pushing it aside. What is wrong with me?"  
  
"Don't sweat it hon, you've been extremely busy with work and your tabloid lawsuit," Lady Jaye tried to reassure.  
  
"Sounds like cold feet to me," Baroness casually commented.  
  
"Is not!" Cover Girl hissed at Baroness.  
  
"I thought I'd have more time with Duke out of town and all to get around to planning but it just isn't happening," said Scarlett, "and believe me, he has let his aggravation about this be known."  
  
"Why don't you just use one of my bitch-boy party planners? Those queens will do a fierce job," Baroness offered.  
  
"Well, THAT was the planning detail I was having procrastination difficulty with," said Scarlett.  
  
"Okay Scarlett, no more pussyfooting around. What's really going on?" Lady Jaye asked with concern.  
  
"Yeah, how can you not be excited about your wedding?" Cover Girl was concerned too.  
  
"I don't know, I can't really put my finger on it yet. He just hasn't been the same lately and I'm sure I haven't been either; it's like there's this unspoken tension there. And it magnified right after the engagement," Scarlett explained.  
  
"If you recall, you also had that Trey Stone scandal right after the engagement," Lady Jaye reminded her.  
  
"Meaning?" Scarlett wasn't sure where this was going yet.  
  
"Meaning you know what a private person Duke is. He's not comfortable with being in the public eye and all that media attention," Lady Jaye explained.  
  
"But she was getting publicity long before that scandal mess," Cover Girl was trying to understand.  
  
"Yes she was, but it magnified off the chart with the scandal, Howie Strong, and several hit plays," Lady Jaye clarified.  
  
"Well honey, he better GET used to it quick because this all goes with the territory of Scarlett's high-profile career," commented the Baroness.  
  
"And this isn't what he signed on for," Scarlett added with lament. "I'm not the same person he met on the Joe team a hundred years ago."  
  
"This is such typical male insecurity rearing its ugly head. He feels overshadowed by you and the attention and publicity that comes with your presence," Baroness analyzed.  
  
"Well how do YOU feel about being in the public eye?" asked Cover Girl.  
  
Scarlett smiled a little and confessed, "I gotta admit it's not that bad despite the scandals. It's a very powerful thing. I guess I just handle it better than Duke does, but he has this way of making me feel guilty because I don't mind the attention. What about you Jaye? Does Flint have a problem with this?"  
  
"No, the dark cloud called 'my mother' overshadows any problem he might have with the media," Lady Jaye joked. "Look, its only natural that we as people change as time goes on, but you two will adjust."  
  
"Yeah, you're soul mates!" Cover Girl smiled as Baroness rolled her eyes.  
  
"Can we change the subject?" Baroness asked. She didn't like where the conversation was heading.  
  
"I'll give you a million dollars if you do," Scarlett kidded. She was now as eager as the Baroness to talk about anything else.  
  
"Cover Girl darling, why are you going through the hassle of traveling all the way to California only to stay for two days?" Baroness was curious. "You can't see California in two little days!"  
  
"I know, but I have a meeting with a designer out there and I had to move heaven and earth to get the magazine to spare me even that little time. I could use a little getaway so I'll take what I can get," Cover Girl explained.  
  
"And you deserve it. You can always go back out there again when you have more time. California's not going anywhere," Lady Jaye commented.  
  
***********************  
  
LOS ANGELES -LEO DEVINE CORPORATE OFFICE  
  
"Hi, I'm here to see Thaddeus Devine? I'm Courtney Krieger" Cover Girl informed the receptionist. Thaddeus Devine was Leo Devine's nephew and Cover Girl's contact person at the company. She had been corresponding with Thaddeus via email and telephone for about a year now though she had never actually met the guy or anyone else at the company in person for that matter, until today. Leo Devine was a relatively new designer whose extremely hip and trendy flair made him an instant hit with the younger crowd. As she waited for Thaddeus to come out she sighed and thought to herself how much she hated blind meeting like this. At least Thaddeus seemed nice enough judging from the phone conversations she had with him. She secretly hoped he was at least decent looking, though she wasn't exactly sure why. Just then Thaddeus peeked his head from the corner and looked at her briefly before fully entering the reception area.  
  
"Courtney? Hi I'm Thaddeus," he greeted her as they shook hands. Cover Girl's breath was taken away. Thaddeus was tall, well built, with short dark up-to-the-minute hair and eyes so blue she could drown in them. 'Good God he's adorable!' she thought to herself. 'He's a dead ringer for Hugh Jackman, looks and body. I'll bet people tell him that all the time so he probably gets annoyed with hearing that, so I won't say anything,' Cover Girl mused.  
  
"Come on, I'll give you a tour and introduce you to everyone," Thaddeus offered as he smiled at her. As they toured the offices Cover Girl let Thaddeus walk in front of her so she could admire his rear view package. 'Damn that butt looks good in those jeans!' Cover Girl drooled to herself. Now she understood why guys insisted on women walking in front of them. She wondered what Thaddeus thought of her. This was the first spark of interest she had felt ever since Steve, which was months ago though it felt like years. However the sting still felt very much like yesterday. Probably a player just like all the rest, but she could at least enjoy his magnificence while she was here. After they were done with the tour and meetings Thaddeus asked her, "Want to paint the town red?"  
  
"Sure!" Cover Girl replied enthusiastically. She thought he'd never ask.  
  
********************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
"Thank you for coming Jaye," Scarlett solemnly greeted Lady Jaye as she let her in. "I didn't want to talk about it at the restaurant."  
  
"Of course. What are friends for?" Lady Jaye replied as Scarlett handed her a martini. "So are you planning to get me drunk or tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Maybe both," Scarlett tried to crack a smile. "I think Duke and I have grown apart. I'm certainly not the same person he met and he doesn't seem very happy about it."  
  
"What are you talking about? He moved to the city to be with you didn't he?" Lady Jaye tried to reason.  
  
"Yes, and he hates the city. It's too fast paced for him and I think he resents me for bringing him here. If he had his way we'd be back home having a quiet life in St. Louis or even Atlanta." Scarlett informed her friend. St. Louis was Duke's hometown and Scarlett was from Atlanta.  
  
"And it's kind of hard to be a successful Broadway producer all the way from St. Louis," Lady Jaye was starting to realize the situation.  
  
"And that's what I told him when he brought up relocating back home to get away from the media. You should have seen him Jaye, he looked at me like he didn't know me. So I'm the bad guy for wanting to stay here and do something with my life. He thinks I'm putting my career ahead of him." Scarlett grieved.  
  
"Are you?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"It's not that simple. He travels everywhere for his work so it doesn't matter where he lives. But I have to stay close to here if I'm going to work. You know how tough this business is; I've come too far to stop now. And why should I have to? God, I can already hear the Baroness having a field day with this: 'Darling, don't throw your life away just to take some fool's last name.' 'Darling, I told you that you weren't the marrying kind.'" Scarlett paused, worrying those words were truer than she'd like to admit then added, "You were right you know. Duke is a very private person and the media circus was the catalyst for all this mess. He didn't have a problem with our life here beforehand. Unfortunately this is one conflict that sex can't resolve, and lord knows we've tried. We just didn't want to face the real problem."  
  
"So now what?" Lady Jaye asked her softly.  
  
"I wish I knew. I was hoping you'd tell me," Scarlett sadly replied.  
  
********************  
  
LOS ANGELES - SKYBAR NIGHTCLUB  
  
Thaddeus took Cover Girl barhopping until they ended up at Skybar, an elite Los Angeles nightclub with a panoramic view of the entire city. Thaddeus had given the Skybar doorman his uncle's name and $50 to let them in. Cover Girl was suitably impressed by his 'negotiating' skills. He would fit right in back in Manhattan! She was amazed she had even made it to this place at all. At their first bar stop Thaddeus introduced Cover Girl to 'Electric Lemonades' where she had too many. The fact that she had skipped dinner probably didn't help either. She had been so nervous around Thaddeus that she was in a hurry for the alcohol to relax her nerves and overdid it. Though she couldn't exactly fend for herself, she had used the situation to 'need help walking' as an excuse to hold Thaddeus and see what he felt like. God he felt good! He helped her to the next bar stop where he fed her Red Bull and a slice of pizza to help pick her back up. Thaddeus' remedy worked and she was ready to rock-n-roll.  
  
As they proceeded to dance the night away Cover Girl couldn't help but notice that Thaddeus had been giving her his undivided attention all night. Given where they were at she was well aware that there was plenty of eye candy around but by the way that Thaddeus acted, it was as if they didn't even exist. If he took notice then he was doing a damn good job at acting as if he hadn't. But that's the thing; you could just tell that it wasn't an act. He didn't even talk or dance with anyone else or express any desire to. This was very bizarre but refreshing behavior compared to what she was used to encountering. Though you never get 'used' to mistreatment, it just becomes too familiar. She couldn't believe that someone as devastatingly handsome as Thaddeus, and by far way better than 'Perfect Steve', could be so considerate to her. For the first time in her life she truly felt appreciated. Their eyes locked as they continued dancing and Thaddeus slowly kissed her on the dance floor. The room spun as their kiss grew more passionate. As Cover Girl drifted off into another world and the entire room around them seemingly disappeared, their sweet and passionate kiss lasted for over two hours.  
  
**********************  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"How was your little trip dear?" Baroness asked Cover Girl. Cover Girl had just returned home from her California adventure.  
  
"I had such a blast! The most fun I've ever had in my life!" Cover Girl beamed.  
  
"You fucking got laid!" Baroness said assumingly.  
  
"How did you know?" Cover Girl was a little embarrassed at the Baroness' bold statement and the fact that she was right.  
  
"Because darling, it's written all over your face," Baroness informed her.  
  
"Okay, spill it Blondie," Lady Jaye demanded. "Details! What's his name?"  
  
"Thaddeus," Cover Girl answered.  
  
"Ooh, is he a Greek God?" Scarlett teased.  
  
"Try Hugh Jackman with the bluest eyes," Cover Girl corrected.  
  
"Oh yes, he's definitely a God!" Baroness laughed. "Well good for you! I don't think I would have held out either!"  
  
"But it wasn't like that. Normally I would have held out but we just 'clicked' and he brought out this intense, passionate side of me that I never even knew existed. We kissed for over two hours on the dance floor before going back to my room. I was so engulfed in the moment and I was leaving the next day so I didn't know when I'd ever have the chance again. I didn't want the moment to end," Cover Girl yearned.  
  
"California dreamin' on such a winter's day.,.," Lady Jaye started singing the famous tune by 'The Mamas & The Papas'.  
  
"All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray.,.," Scarlett joined in Lady Jaye's serenade until they were interrupted by an all too familiar voice at their table.  
  
"That's quite a set of pipes over here." It was Howie Strong. Scarlett's face lit up as the other three scowled. "Scarlie baby! How the hell are 'ya!"  
  
"Oh, hi Howie! We were just - oh never mind," Scarlett was now blushing in embarrassment. "So what brings you here?"  
  
"You raved about this place so much I thought I'd try it out. Thought maybe I'd even get lucky and run into you here sometime," Howie winked at her.  
  
"Oh Howie, you're such a flirt. Do you ever stop?" Scarlett now couldn't help beaming a little smile.  
  
"And let you be the one that got away? Not a chance sweetheart," Howie professed.  
  
"Well she's engaged so she already 'got away'. Nice seeing you Howie," Cover Girl coldly dismissed him.  
  
Howie took his cue and left politely. "Catch 'ya later Scarlie baby," he said then kissed the back of her hand.  
  
"Eeeewww Scarlett, how can you let that pig talk to you?" Cover Girl criticized as soon as Howie left.  
  
"He's actually not so bad. It's just an act for his show," Scarlett casually defended him.  
  
"Oh my God, if I didn't see it with my own two eyes I would have never believed it. Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara, you have a crush on that man!" Lady Jaye accused.  
  
"Oh come on! Don't be ridiculous!" Scarlett defended herself.  
  
"Oh yes you do! You were totally flirting with him!" Cover Girl informed her accusingly.  
  
"Oh I was NOT! Just because I didn't throw a drink on him I was flirting? You're making way too much out of nothing," Scarlett was getting defensive now.  
  
"Oh? Then how come you were smiling and blushing like a school girl and egging him on?" asked Lady Jaye.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with a harmless flirtation, darlings. Men do it all the time and it makes them charming but when women do it they're considered whores. It's a complete double standard and it's bullshit," Baroness lectured.  
  
"It's disrespectful to Duke. You DO remember your fiancé don't you?" Cover Girl tried to shame Scarlett.  
  
"Hmmm, funny you should say that because I think my memory is fading since I haven't been able to get a hold of him for days," Scarlett replied sarcastically. Duke was still out of town on business and hadn't bothered checking in for the past few days.  
  
"Sounds like you're not the only one with cold feet," Baroness commented, "Look, if he wants to ignore you and not appreciate you there are plenty of other guys that would kill to take his place."  
  
"Okay, that's not cool of him but I'm sure there's an explanation. And yes you've been having some problems lately but that's no excuse to flirt profusely. He wouldn't do that to you," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"Wouldn't he?" Scarlett sat back in her chair with her arms crossed while giving them a knowing look. "HASN'T he? Or did you rewrite history while I was allegedly 'flirting profusely'?"  
  
"Come on Scarlett, that was a long time ago-," Cover Girl tried to reason.  
  
"-And what makes you think he ever stopped?" Scarlett interrupted, "How do you really KNOW?"  
  
"He is a man, darling. They can't help themselves. Like I said, double standard," said Baroness, "so let Scarlett have her little fantasy with this Howie. At least he's honest about his male predisposition."  
  
"I'm not having a fantasy of Howie," Scarlett corrected her.  
  
"It's perfectly okay! I have some fantasy boys too you know," Baroness proudly announced then added, "and now so does Cover Girl." Cover Girl frowned at Baroness. She didn't approve of Scarlett's behavior or appreciate her sweet Thaddeus being categorized with that awful Howie Strong.  
  
"Oh please God don't let her elaborate about her 'fantasy boys'," Lady Jaye groaned.  
  
"Xamot and Tomax?" Cover Girl inquired the Baroness.  
  
"Of course not darling. Sean Connery," Baroness replied.  
  
*************************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
Scarlett was getting ready to take her post-workout shower when she heard the phone ring. Just as she hoped, it was Duke. "You're a hard man to get a hold of. I thought you were MIA," Scarlett greeted him as a wave of relief washed over her.  
  
"I've been busy. How are the wedding plans coming along?" Duke asked with an edge to his voice.  
  
"Uh, they're not. Sorry, I just haven't had any time to spare. I've been busy too you know," Scarlett apologized. She could already tell this conversation wasn't going to go pleasantly.  
  
"But you manage to make time for the media, just not for your wedding. You seem to have your priorities straight," Duke retorted.  
  
"Now that's not fair, you know that's part of the job. Nobody makes it in the business without playing the game. It comes with the territory," Scarlett pleaded.  
  
"Why do you even want to be part of that stupid shit?" Duke angrily asked.  
  
"Because I'm damn good at what I do! What the fuck am I supposed to do, dump my career now that it's taking off so I can teach karate to kids and be your little wife!?" As soon as the words came out of her mouth Scarlett smacked her forehead. If her father had heard that he would have read her her rights! He would have also been hurt deeply. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it came out."  
  
"No, I'm sure that's exactly how you meant it. I stood by you through the tabloid scandal but I'm not doing it again. I'm going back home to St. Louis and I want you to come with me. We'll start a new life there." Duke gave his ultimatum.  
  
"Duke, we've been through this. Please don't do this to me, you know I can't - ," Scarlett pleaded.  
  
"You mean you won't," Duke snapped.  
  
"This is bullshit! And you're bullshit because you're all for women's rights and equal opportunities and whatnot except when it pertains to your own wife! You don't get to change the rules halfway through the engagement! I'll tell you what; I'll do you a favor and call off this bullshit engagement so you can go find some nobody Suzie fucking Homemaker to marry you!" Scarlett lashed out.  
  
"Good idea. I think I'll just do that," Duke lashed back.  
  
"Well that's just fucking fabulous! In that case I have to go get ready for a date tonight!" Scarlett couldn't believe how ugly this had gotten. This was past the point of no return.  
  
"Oh really, with who?" Duke asked mockingly.  
  
"See for yourself on 'Page Six' tomorrow!" Scarlett hissed then hung up on him and threw the phone across the room.  
  
After several hours of crying her eyes out Scarlett finally peeled herself and her broken heart off the bed to try to pull herself together. In one phone conversation her world came crashing down around her. She knew that wasn't actually true, this fallout was a long time in the making, accelerating over the last couple of months. She put her engagement ring in its box and found her hidden small stash of Percodan, a gift from the Baroness "In case of emergency, darling. You can thank me later". "Hmph, she obviously knew I would need this," she muttered to herself as she washed one down with a double shot of vodka. It was imperative that she make the pain go away or at least numb it, the hurt was killing her. The next order of business was to shower and find an outfit worthy of a 'Page Six' appearance. The show will go on.  
  
*************************  
  
COVER GIRL'S APARTMENT  
  
"I'd be safe and warm if I was in L.A.,.," Cover Girl hummed the tune "California Dreamin'" to herself at her computer. 'Damn that Scarlett and Lady Jaye for putting that song in my head!' she thought to herself as she sent off a naughty email to Thaddeus.  
  
*************************  
  
AQUARIUS SUITE  
  
"Guess who?" Scarlett was standing behind Howie Strong with her hands covering his eyes. 'Aquarius Suite' was a local club famous for its eclectic array of dance music and for being Howie Strong's stomping grounds.  
  
"I don't know but I'm praying you're a hot broad in a skirt that stops at the waist," Howie knew exactly who it was.  
  
"Would you settle for one out of two?" Scarlett coyly asked as she pulled her hands away. Howie turned around to see Scarlett wearing low-rise black leather pants instead of the skirt he just wished for. Not that he was disappointed by this package that was finished off with a sheer black silk Prada bias-cut blouse and Jimmy Choo spike-heeled ankle boots.  
  
"Scarlie baby! Man, you are hotter than hot! So what brings you here? You slumming it tonight?" Howie asked.  
  
"You raved about this place so much I thought I'd try it out. Thought maybe I'd even get lucky and run into you here sometime," Scarlett winked at him. Howie laughed at his line being thrown back at him.  
  
"Have a seat, doll. Have a drink with me. Where's your boyfriend?" Howie inquired with his typical cocky tone.  
  
"He's - ," Scarlett paused then took a seat and smiled at Howie, "He's out of town at the moment."  
  
"Really? So is that big rock of yours out of town with him?" Howie motioned to her now ringless hand.  
  
"It's at the jeweler's getting cleaned," Scarlett casually explained.  
  
"Uh huh, I know how that goes. Now are you going to tell me what really happened?" Howie almost sounded sincere.  
  
"Well, I wish I knew. It seems I picked my career and the limelight that goes with it over marriage and the quiet simple life. The media circus shit got to him. Whether I made the right choice or not remains to be seen," Scarlett shrugged.  
  
"The tabloids, huh? Show business will do that; totally fuck up your personal life. That's why my wife left me. She couldn't handle it either," Howie confessed. "It's a brutal biz. It's not for everyone."  
  
"Duke's a good man. I couldn't ask for better but he's only human and a person can only take so much," said Scarlett contemplatively.  
  
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Howie asked. Scarlett let out a small laugh.  
  
"Maybe both," she smiled at the truth in his statement. "Look, we share a long complicated history dating back to our years on the Joe team. And like show business, the Joe team is a completely different world that unless you actually go through it could never understand. We were always there for each other and I lost count of how many times he saved my life. I owe him everything."  
  
"If he's so great then what are you doing here with me?" Howie asked. Scarlett threw her head back and let out a hearty laugh.  
  
"Oh you are GOOD Howie! Real slick, but I know what you're doing. You see, my brothers taught me every player trick in the book so their precious little sister wouldn't be taken advantage of," Scarlett genially informed him.  
  
"And you're still here?" Howie joked. "See honey, I knew you liked me."  
  
"Dream on buddy! You're crude, perverted and full of yourself," Scarlett corrected him with a smile.  
  
"Maybe you like that," Howie taunted her. "You never did let me see your rack. And you owe me one for making me dance with that uppity old bat at your opening night shin-dig."  
  
"I DO owe you one for that," Scarlett laughed, "and it was worth showing you mine - ,"  
  
"Ah finally, the Holy Grail!" Howie interrupted her.  
  
"- But I'm not going to," Scarlett teased, finishing her statement.  
  
"All right Scarlie baby," Howie relented, "How about a dance then? Can you tango?"  
  
"Is the Pope Catholic?" Scarlett joked as she let Howie lead her to the dance floor. He held her close as they proceeded to tango. "You, however, surprise me. I wouldn't take you for the capable dancer type."  
  
"Oh I'm full of surprises Scarlie. You should let me take you up to my house in the Hamptons. You'd love it," Howie offered.  
  
"That's very smooth Howie," Scarlett commended him, "But like I said I'm on to your 'panty dropping' pickup lines."  
  
"But you never said you didn't like it," Howie whispered into her ear, pulling her closer to him.  
  
"Why Howie, you lied to me. You're not hung like a tic-tac," Scarlett seductively declared. She could feel his bulge against her thigh.  
  
"Like I said Scarlie baby, I'm full of surprises," Howie responded, locking eyes with her.  
  
"Call me Shana," Scarlett said breathlessly as she let Howie kiss her deeply. She lost herself in the electricity as everything around her started going dark.  
  
********************** 


	7. A Girl's Best Friend

A Girl's Best Friend  
  
Disclaimer add-on: I don't own the lyrics to "Jump Around" by Limp Bizkit/House of Pain, "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green, or "Sparkling Diamonds" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, blah blah blah.  
  
************************  
  
HOWIE STRONG'S PENTHOUSE  
  
"Oh God, where am I?" Scarlett groaned as she woke out of her slumber, wincing at the streams of sunlight peeking through the window coverings. Everything was a blur at best and she felt as if her head was going to explode. She didn't recognize the professionally decorated large room or bed she had been sleeping in. Her eyes widened as Howie walked in carrying a glass of milk and Excedrin, realizing this was his place. "What happened?" She asked as she hurriedly looked under the covers and breathed a huge sigh a relief to discover that the only articles removed from her were her boots. Her clothes were still in tact, other than the rumpling from sleeping in them.  
  
"Good morning Sleeping Beauty. You had quite a night. Here take these," Howie handed her the milk and Excedrin.  
  
"What's this for?" Scarlett asked.  
  
"The milk will coat your stomach and absorb the alcohol. The caffeine in the Excedrin will give you a jump-start," Howie explained. Scarlett looked at him strangely. "Take it from me, it's the professional partier's hangover cure. It works even better if you drink the milk before you sleep."  
  
"Yeah, I'll be sure to remember that next time," Scarlett grumbled as she took his hangover cure. "Just so I'm clear, we didn't - ," she asked nervously.  
  
Howie laughed. "Hardly sweetheart, I wish! You passed out on the dance floor so I rushed you out before anyone noticed or made a scene. Figured you didn't want to read about in the gossip columns. What did you take before you came to the club?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Scarlett asked.  
  
"Come on doll, you know what I mean. You didn't pass out on the two drinks you had with me," Howie pressed.  
  
"I might have had a Percodan and a couple vodka shots," Scarlett confessed.  
  
"Whoa! That's a nice attitude adjustment!" Howie complimented.  
  
Scarlett looked at her ringless hand, feeling the painful emotions starting to flood back. "I have to go. Thanks for helping me and for being a gentleman about it. You can be a real friend when you want to be."  
  
"Yeah, like I said I'm full of surprises. Just don't tell anyone. I have an image to maintain you know," Howie replied. She would have rolled her eyes but it hurt too much.  
  
************************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT - 4 DAYS LATER  
  
Scarlett half-opened her eyes and dazed at the tall slim figure standing by her bed. "Hi friend," she was barely coherent. The Baroness' Percodan made everything hazy. "How'd you get in?"  
  
"Well it seems you've been MIA for five days since you don't talk to your friends anymore or answer the phone or your door. So I sweet-talked the Super into letting me in, it turns out he's a fan," Lady Jaye explained as she set down her oversized take-out bag from Roadblock's. "Jesus Christ almighty, are you alive under that corpse?" Scarlett looked something like the living dead, except less alive.  
  
"No," Scarlett muttered.  
  
"Is THIS what you've been doing the last five days?" Lady Jaye questioned while clearing out empty vodka bottles. "I'll bet you haven't been out of that bed the entire time either," she noted. Scarlett calmly shook her head.  
  
"Flint filled me in, at least on Duke's side of the story," Lady Jaye informed her as she climbed next to Scarlett on the bed to cuddle her. "You wanna talk about it now instead of drown in it?"  
  
"Duke doesn't love me anymore. I gave him eight years of my life and now 'poof' it's over," Scarlett's voice creaked and started to cry.  
  
"Of course he loves you sweetie and it doesn't have to be over. You just had a misunderstanding. A great big nasty one, but still a misunderstanding," Lady Jaye softly reassured.  
  
"Can't fix this one," Scarlett said between sobs.  
  
"He's hurting too, give him some time. He'll realize he was rash and hotheaded just as you were. But you ARE going to have to get out of this bed and come out of the apartment eventually," Lady Jaye counseled her.  
  
"I can't, I have bags under my eyes," Scarlett whimpered.  
  
"You know, it's okay to go out with bags under your eyes as long as you have shoes to match," Lady Jaye gently kidded her as she hugged her tighter. Scarlett let out a tiny laugh as she wiped her eyes. The doorbell rang.  
  
"I'll get that," Lady Jaye offered as she got up to get the door. Lady Jaye returned a few minutes later with a small box with a familiar "HW" logo on it. "A messenger just delivered this," she informed Scarlett. Scarlett's eyes perked up at the sight of the package.  
  
"Open it," Scarlett told her.  
  
"Oh Scarlett!" Lady Jaye gasped as she opened the box and pulled out a Harry Winston white diamond bracelet. Scarlett's jaw dropped as she took the bracelet from Lady Jaye.  
  
"Oh my God," Scarlett gasped as she admired her gift. Even in her haze the diamonds were crystal clear. "This isn't like Duke!"  
  
"Uh-oh, you better read the card," Lady Jaye's tone changed from enchanted to grave as she handed Scarlett the gift card.  
  
"An attitude adjustment for you. Best, Howie," Scarlett read the card aloud. Scarlett groaned as she pulled the covers over her head. "No!"  
  
"You can't keep this," Lady Jaye unhappily advised.  
  
"But it's Harry Winston and I love it!" Scarlett knew Lady Jaye was right.  
  
"Well we ALL love Winston but unless you love Howie you have to send it back," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"But he signed it 'Best'!" Scarlett pleaded.  
  
"Scarlett you know better than that! You'll be leading him on, unless of course that's what you WANT," Lady Jaye warned her.  
  
"Yeah right, as-if," Scarlett denied then relented, "I don't want to send it back. But I have to. Fuck."  
  
************************  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ - 1 WEEK LATER  
  
"How are you holding up Scarlett?" Cover Girl asked in concern for her friend. Scarlett just shrugged as she pushed her food around her plate with her fork.  
  
"You better eat some of that or you're going to insult Roadblock," Lady Jaye advised.  
  
"Well I have the perfect distraction for you. Darlings, my PR firm is handling the Governor's Annual Charity Ball, THE event of the year," Baroness proudly announced. "I need all the celebrities I can get my hands on to do performances. And the governor is especially fond of the Joes so I promised him a few for the set list. I'm thinking Scarlett and Lady Jaye can do the 'Diamonds' medley from Moulin Rouge. I already got your Beach Head to commit to rapping to 'Jump Around'. He's a bit gruff but he's very popular with the ladies."  
  
"You got BEACH!?" Cover Girl hooted in amazement. "Oh I'm SO going! I have to see this for myself!"  
  
"Baroness, I'm not a performer. I just work behind the scenes, and that's how I like it. I'm not even up for attendance let alone performance." Scarlett kindly declined.  
  
"Oh but Scarlett, you sing so well! You should do it!" Cover Girl suggested enthusiastically.  
  
"You do sweetie," Lady Jaye added. "Come on, it's for charity."  
  
"No, not in public!" Scarlett protested. "And why me? How come Lady Jaye can't do it by herself?" She asked Baroness.  
  
"Because darling, I need you to play the Nicole Kidman part and nobody else is more perfect for it," the Baroness stated. Scarlett scowled at her. Being compared to Nicole irritated her to no end. "Darling, you can keep that puss on your face 'till Cobra rules the world but it won't change the fact that I'm right. And by the way, that expression will give you wrinkles."  
  
"No way in hell," Scarlett declared as she went back to toying with her food then added, "Beach Head's performing, which means that Duke will be attending. I can't do it."  
  
"That's too bad," Baroness sighed feigning resignation then cunningly mentioned, "Escada and Harry Winston will be very disappointed to hear this. They had something fabulous in mind for you two and this number."  
  
Scarlett looked up, ceasing pushing her food around on her plate with her fork as her mind flashed to the $20k bracelet she sorrowfully had to send back. "I'm listening."  
  
Baroness beamed victoriously. "These pieces will be photographed to death so they know only the most spectacular will do. You'll even get to wear the diamonds for the rest of the evening, but of course you have to let one of their armed guards follow you around all night."  
  
"Escada and Harry Winston - for us? Oh no, NO WAY you're getting out of this now!" Lady Jaye commanded Scarlett. "I have an idea for the medley too."  
  
************************  
  
GOVERNOR'S ANNUAL CHARITY BALL - 3 WEEKS LATER  
  
Beach Head swaggered out on to the smoke-filled strobe-lit stage to perform Limp Bizkit's rendition of "Jump Around", a harder edgier version of the original by House of Pain. Beach performed shirtless, exhibiting the hulking muscles of his arms and torso and the women loved it. Only for charity would Beach ever consider putting on such a display. He also relished the opportunity to get away with swearing profusely at such an uppity event.  
  
[Beach Head yells to the audience]  
  
How many of you people remember the House Of Pain?  
  
You like break-dancing baby?  
  
Are you ready?  
  
[Beach begins rapping]  
  
Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.  
  
I came to win, battle me, that's a sin.  
  
I won't ever slack up, punks you better back up.  
  
Try to play the role, and the whole crew will act up.  
  
Get up, stand up, c'mon put your hands up,  
  
And if you get the feeling, jump across the ceiling.  
  
Least with the funk flow, man you talkin' junk yo.  
  
Bust 'em in the eye, and then I'll take the punks home.  
  
Feelin, fuckin', man's it's in the junk,  
  
And I got more ryhmes than the cops at a Dunkin Donuts shop.  
  
Soon enough I'll get props from the kids in KoRn plus my mom and my pops.  
  
Came to get down, came to get down, so get your ass up and jump around.  
  
C'mon, jump around.  
  
Jump around, get up!  
  
Jump around, c'mon!  
  
Jump up, jump up, and get down!  
  
Jump! (repeated 16 times)  
  
I'll slam your ass like Cobra Commander,  
  
If your bitch steps up.... (I'm smackin' the ho)  
  
Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs.  
  
Got more rhymes than the Bible's got Psalms.  
  
Just like the Radical Son I've returned.  
  
If anyone's steppin' to me you get burned.  
  
Fuck your lyrics, cause you ain't got none.  
  
And if you wanna battle then bring a... (shotgun)  
  
Well if you do you're a fool, cause I'll put fools to death.  
  
Try to step to me, you take your last breath.  
  
I got the skill, man I got your fill.  
  
Cause when I shoot, man, I shoot to kill.  
  
Came to get down, I came to get down,  
  
So get your ass up and jump around.  
  
C'mon. Jump around!  
  
Jump around everybody!  
  
Jump around, it's your last chance!  
  
Jump up, jump up to get down!  
  
Jump! (repeated 16 times)  
  
Everybody jump!  
  
We'll see ya next year baby!  
  
[The stage went dark as Beach exited the stage. The women continued to cheer loudly then eventually quieted down]  
  
The stage remained dark as the orchestra started playing intro music to Al Green's "Let's Stay Together." On cue with the first vocal note, the spotlight shone center stage at Lady Jaye in her long white beaded Escada form-fitting gown.  
  
[Lady Jaye]  
  
I, I'm so in love with you  
  
Whatever you want to do  
  
Is all right with meeeeee  
  
'Cause you make me feel so brand newwww  
  
And I want to spend my life with you-u-uu  
  
[Scarlett (now spotlighted entering from the rear of the room in her long silver with black trim beaded Escada slim bodice gown)]  
  
Since, since we've been together  
  
Loving you forever  
  
Is what I nee-ee-ee-eeed!  
  
Let me be the one you come running tooooo  
  
I'll never be un-truuue  
  
[Lady Jaye (stepping off stage to join Scarlett on the main floor)]  
  
Baby let's, let's stay together  
  
Lovin' you whether, whether  
  
[Duet (Lady Jaye brushes her hand along the governor's cheek)]  
  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad  
  
[Lady Jaye]  
  
Ooo-ooo-ooh!  
  
[Duet]  
  
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad  
  
[Lady Jaye (now sitting on Duke's lap)]  
  
Why, why some people break up  
  
Then turn around and make up  
  
I just can't see-ee-ee-eee!  
  
[Scarlett (playfully pushes Lady Jaye aside and gently tilts Duke's chin up to face her)]  
  
You'd never do that to me-eee-eee - Would you, baby  
  
Staying around you is all I see-eee-eee - Here's what I want us to do [(now sitting on Duke's lap)] Let's, we oughta stay together  
  
Loving you whether, whether  
  
[Duet (Scarlett gets up to join Lady Jaye in the aisle)]  
  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad Let's, let's stay together  
  
[Lady Jaye (now sitting on Flint's lap)]  
  
Loving you whether, whether Times are good or bad, happy or sad  
  
[Duet (Lady Jaye gets up to join Scarlett)]  
  
Let's, let's stay together  
  
Loving you whether, whether  
  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad  
  
[Four tuxedo-clad men join the ladies to unhook and remove their long skirts, now leaving them in their bodice suits with long beaded fringes where the skirts used to be. Scarlett is helped into her top hat and swing for their "Sparkling Diamonds" from "Moulin Rouge" number while Lady Jaye is carried to the stage to join the Can-Can dancers now present.]  
  
[Scarlett (whirling over the room in her swing)]  
  
The French are glad to die for love/ A kiss on the hand/ Might be quite continental/ But diamonds are a girl's best friend/ A kiss would be grand/ But it won't pay the rental/ On your humble flat or/ Help you feed your pussycat/ Men grow cold as girls grow old/ And we all lose our charms in the end/ But square cut or pear shaped/ These rocks don't lose their shape/ Diamonds are a girl's best friend/ Tiffany! Cartier! Harry Winston!  
  
[Lady Jaye (now with Harry Winston diamonds dripping from her earlobes and wrist)]  
  
Cause we are living/ In a material world/ And I am a material girl  
  
[Scarlett (swing sets down and Scarlett gets out)]  
  
Ah, come and get me boys, ow! Black Star! Ross Cole! Talk to me Lady Jaye, tell me all about it!  
  
[The tuxedo men carry Scarlett to the stage and drape her in a Harry Winston diamond necklace covering her entire neck and chest]  
  
There may come a time/ When a lass needs a lawyer  
  
[Lady Jaye]  
  
But diamonds are a girl's best friend/ There may come a time/ When a hard-boiled employer  
  
[Scarlett]  
  
Thinks you're awful nice  
  
[Lady Jaye]  
  
But get that ice or else no dice/ He's your guy/ When stocks are high/ But beware when/ They start to descend/ (Ooh) Diamonds are a girl's best/ Diamonds are a girl's best/ Diamonds are a girl's best friend/ Lets make love (Ooh)  
  
[Scarlett]  
  
'Cause that's when those louses/ Go back to their spouses  
  
[Duet]  
  
Diamonds are a girl's best/ Diamonds are a girl's best friend  
  
[The tuxedo men carry Scarlett and Lady Jaye off stage]  
  
************************  
  
POST-SHOW DINNER/DANCING  
  
"I'm telling you darlings, that boy has a future in music," said Baroness, praising Beach Head's performance. "And I'm going to be the one that discovered him."  
  
"You gotta admit, he was damn good," Cover Girl complimented.  
  
"Beach Head, the rapper?" Destro laughed out loud at the Baroness. "Surely my dear Baroness, you're not going to be associated with promotion of that degenerative sort."  
  
"Bah! Oh what do you know chrome-dome? That 'angry-white-boy-rock-rap' happens to be all the rage right now and that boy has star quality. He has the ideal edgy tough-guy image, rugged good looks, stage presence and the ladies love him. He's fabulous," the Baroness declared.  
  
"Those are not ladies," Destro corrected her.  
  
"Did you just use the term 'angry-white-boy'?" Lady Jaye chuckled at the Baroness.  
  
"Did you just use the term 'rock-rap'?" Scarlett chimed in, chuckling as well.  
  
"Mark my words darlings, by the time my firm gets through with his publicity campaign that boy will be a household name," the Baroness declared.  
  
"Beach isn't gonna go for it, he doesn't like that exhibition shit. He only did this one show for charity," Flint pointed out.  
  
"Darling, like they say: Money talks and bullshit walks," Baroness nonchalantly reminded them.  
  
"Beach Head with his own groupies, now there's a scary thought!" Cover Girl mused aloud.  
  
"I don't think he'd know what to do with them!" Flint bellowed out in laughter. Lady Jaye and Scarlett joined in the laughter.  
  
"Oh I don't know, I think he might," Cover Girl replied with a dreamy look in her eyes.  
  
"Looks like Beach already has his first groupie," said Scarlett, making fun of Cover Girl.  
  
"Say Allie, can we take this skirt back off? I think I prefer you in the Moulin Rouge costume," Flint taunted Lady Jaye, referring to her versatile performance gown.  
  
"You lay a hand on it and I'll pay guard $5 to shoot you," Lady Jaye warned, pointing to her armed jewelry guard.  
  
"Eh, slip him a $10. Flint's worth it," Scarlett suggested while laughing.  
  
"That's quite a rock collection you've got there." Scarlett turned to see the voice behind her. Her eyes widened to discover it was Duke, looking debonair as ever. He was also nervous as hell. They hadn't spoke in over a month.  
  
"Hmm? Oh these," Scarlett glanced down at her necklace. "Thanks. I have to give them back later." Scarlett was a nervous wreck as well. This was even worse than her previous performance anxiety!  
  
"May I have this dance?" Duke kindly and unassumingly asked her.  
  
Scarlett's face lit up. "Well sure, as long as you don't mind the third wheel," she said, motioning to her armed guard.  
  
"Precious cargo. Goes with the territory," Duke commented though he was actually referring to his ex-fiancée. He took her hand and led her to the dance floor.  
  
"So did you come all the way to New York just for a charity event? I thought you hated this place?" Scarlett calmly inquired.  
  
"Wellll, that was before," said Duke.  
  
"Before what?" Scarlett inquired.  
  
"Before I found out you had that swing here," Duke joked, referring to her Moulin Rouge performance. "You do know that will be a popular tourist attraction here."  
  
"Really? You think so huh?" Scarlett played along. "So will this be on your list of sights to see?"  
  
"Top of the list," Duke smiled. "In fact, I was thinking it would be worth taking up residence in the city for."  
  
"Duke - ," Scarlett started to say. Tears were filling in her eyes.  
  
Duke tilted her chin up to him. "Shana, I'm so sorry. I don't want to throw away my life with you over geography. That's so fucken' ridiculous. Everything started changing faster than I could adjust and I cracked."  
  
"I'm sorry too. I was so awful to you. I think I cracked under the pressure too," said Scarlett as her tears started rolling down her cheeks.  
  
"Why don't we go somewhere more private to talk?" Duke asked, wiping Scarlett's tears from her face.  
  
Scarlett let out a nervous laugh. "Not with guard here we can't. Just stay here and hold me?"  
  
"You got it. I'll never let you go," Duke whispered as he held her tighter.  
  
************************* 


	8. Till Death Us Do Part

"Till Death Us Do Part"  
  
All the usual disclaimers here blah blah blah. I also want to give Slayne a shout-out for helping inspire some of these ideas. Thanks!  
  
BRIDAL BOUTIQUE  
  
"I'm so glad to see you finally taking an interest in your wedding! See, this isn't so bad," Cover Girl gleefully told Scarlett. Scarlett had finally decided to take Baroness up on her offer to use one of her party planners and brought the gals with her to the bridal shop for their input on picking out her dress. Scarlett, Cover Girl, and Lady Jaye sat patiently while waiting for the dress parade to begin. Lawrence, who informed the ladies that his name was "Lawrence" and not "Larry," was Scarlett's wedding planner and running the show.  
  
"Thanks for coming with me. If I did this alone I would pick the first shitty dress I saw just to get the hell out of here," Scarlett told the others. "I can only take 'Miss Thang' in small increments," she added, referring to Lawrence.  
  
"Well he's definitely too pretty to be straight," commented Lady Jaye.  
  
"Yeah, what a waste. All the good looking ones are either gay or emotionally unavailable," Cover Girl added.  
  
"Come on ladies! Chop chop! Let's get this show on the road!" Lawrence shouted his orders to the sales assistants as he clapped his hands to hurry them along. One girl rolled out a dress rack with the first set of wedding gowns. Scarlett grimaced at the display.  
  
"HATE IT!" Lawrence snapped at the assistant. "Get it out of my sight immediately. NEXT!"  
  
"But this is - ," the assistant tried to reason.  
  
"We already know what it is: Garbage! NEXT!" Lawrence snappishly interrupted. The assistant hurriedly pushed the rack away.  
  
"Uh, I'd like to see what they have in Vera Wang," Scarlett indicated to Lawrence.  
  
"You got it, princess," Lawrence pleasantly told her then snapped his fingers at the assistant and hollered, "WANG!"  
  
"He's like a gay Napoleon!" Lady Jaye whispered to the others. They nodded and snickered in agreement.  
  
"You're so lucky Allie, getting Georgio Armani to design your dress for you instead of having to deal with this shit," Scarlett told Lady Jaye.  
  
"It was still torture. He sent over about 20 sketches from Italy and it was so hard to pick just one," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"Oh poor baby! I should be so lucky to go through such torture! I'm so jealous!" Cover Girl envied.  
  
Lawrence let out an exasperated sigh. "What the hell is taking them so long? LET'S GET A MOVE ON! TIME IS MONEY AND MONEY IS TIME AND YOU'RE WASTING MINE!"  
  
"Wow, it's like Beach Head on estrogen!" Cover Girl let out a snorted laugh.  
  
"Okay that's it," Scarlett declared. "Lawrence? You're practically beating up on these poor girls! Is this treatment really necessary? Come on, it's just a fucken' dress!"  
  
"Just a fucken' dress? Is Louis Vuitton just a fucken' suitcase? Is Manolo just a fucken' shoe? I don't think so." Lawrence retorted haughtily. He gently placed his hand on hers and told her sweetly, "And neither is your gorgeous specimen of a groom-to-be, princess. Doesn't he deserve the very best? Judging from that Tiffany rock on your hand he certainly thinks so of you! My job is to make sure that every detail for your day is absolutely perfect so that the only thing you have to worry your pretty head about is how quickly you can get out of your wedding dress to start your honeymoon. Now will you please let me do my fucken' job, princess?"  
  
"Carry on." Scarlett gave in then turned to the others and stated with contempt, "Oh he's gooood. Baroness was right, he IS fierce!"  
  
********************  
  
WEDDING PREPARATION  
  
"But I was supposed to paired with Roadblock!" Cover Girl protested. "This is bullshit!"  
  
"Well he's been unavoidably detained by the flu." Lady Jaye informed her about her last-minute change of groomsman. "So take your pick: Beach Head or Shipwreck."  
  
"Eeewww! Can't I just take Roadblock with the flu? Or maybe I can walk alone?" Cover Girl begged.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Fine. I guess Beach is the lesser of the two evils. At least he won't try to cop a feel while escorting me down the aisle." Cover Girl conceded. "But you better aim that bouquet at me in the toss!"  
  
"That a girl," Lady Jaye praised her. "For pairing up with Beach, hon, you deserve it on a silver platter! Now will somebody please help me with my dress?"  
  
"You look like a fairy tale, sweetie." Scarlett said in awe of Lady Jaye in her custom Georgio Armani white silk brocade and beaded wedding gown. Her rich short brown hair was pulled back tightly and topped with a small tasteful tiara.  
  
"Just like Cinderella," Cover Girl gushed with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Now let's go get your 'Prince Charming'," said Scarlett while reflecting fondly of her own upcoming nuptials.  
  
********************  
  
CEREMONY  
  
"Beach, you're supposed to take my arm," Cover Girl whispered loudly to Beach Head. It was their turn to exit the ceremony by walking back down the aisle together. He stood still, looking at her apprehensively. "Oh Jesus, Beach, I don't have cooties! Just take my arm already, we're lagging behind!" Lady Jaye and Flint had already finished their walk and Duke and Scarlett were almost to the end of the aisle.  
  
"Fine." Beach Head relented with contempt then warned her as he escorted her, "Just don't get any funny ideas, Corporal. This is my last trip down any aisle."  
  
Cover Girl side-glared at him disdainfully at his implication. "Why Beach, you showered for the event, how considerate! Is that deodorant I smell?"  
  
Beach Head stared ahead and grunted, "I hate you Cover Girl."  
  
********************  
  
RECEPTION  
  
"Come and get it ladies! C'mon who's gonna be next! How bad do you want it!" Lady Jaye taunted the single ladies at the bouquet toss.  
  
"Aren't you going?" Duke asked Scarlett as he stood behind her with is arms wrapped around her waist.  
  
"What for? I already have a ring and a set date at the Plaza. Let someone else have a chance."  
  
"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" Duke chuckled at her.  
  
"Yup. It's in the bag."  
  
Lady Jaye tossed the bouquet behind her, aimed at Cover Girl as previously promised. As Cover Girl reached for the bouquet she saw someone else diving in front of her to intercept it. Hell no, Cover Girl thought as she slyly stuck her foot out to trip the girl, causing the unsuspecting girl's legs to give out underneath her and clearing the way for Cover Girl to reach for her prize.  
  
"Ooh, careful! You really shouldn't run in heels!" Cover Girl feigned concern in her catty undertone.  
  
"All right boys, it's time for the garter toss!" Flint announced, holding up Lady Jaye's garter prize. "Who's man enough to join the ranks, heh? I want to see ALL the singles front and center! That means you too Beach Head, that's an order!"  
  
"I swear if you throw that frilly shit at me I'll make you eat it," Beach Head grumbled as he reluctantly obeyed Flint's orders.  
  
As Flint tossed the garter behind him the entire group of gathered single men scattered away as if it were a live grenade, except for Shipwreck who was now left alone to catch it. "Woo-hoo!" Shipwreck yelled out as he did a victory dance. "Oh Cover Girl!" He leered at her while twirling his garter in the air around his finger. "You know what THIS means don'tcha!" All the guys laughed and woo'd.  
  
"Yeah, Shipwreck. It means you're a moron who plays with garters." Cover Girl answered as she turned and headed for the bar.  
  
After retrieving a drink from the bar Cover Girl wandered around the reception room trying to locate her friends or even her escort Lawrence. She liked to bring gay escorts when she found herself dateless for an event. This kept her options open to meet new guys. Unfortunately there was one in particular aside from Shipwreck at this event that she wished would take a hint and leave her alone. But no, this asshole 20 years her senior and built like a house with a gut that protruded a good two feet in front of him had been relentlessly pursuing her ever since the rehearsal dinner. Robert, who she preferred to refer to as "Fat Bastard", was the date of one of Lady Hart's society friends. Out of respect for Lady Jaye's wedding day, Cover Girl was trying her best to be polite about the situation with Fat Bastard and not make a scene. Her friends were supposed to help her avoid him, though they were impossible to find in the middle of 500 of Lady Hart's closest acquaintances, not to mention all the other guests.  
  
"There you are! May I have this dance?" Fat Bastard blindsided her. Cover Girl winced at the idea of dancing with him. He was so smug and gross, and how was she supposed to get around that big belly of his? And what made him think he was in her league anyway? She anxiously looked around for a familiar face to bail her out. The only familiar suspect within range was Beach Head. She was now at his mercy.  
  
"Oh - uh - well - I'd love to but my boyfriend's right over there and he's VERY possessive! Sorry." Cover Girl cleverly explained as she pointed out Beach Head to Fat Bastard. Beach Head saw her point to him and shot back a perplexed expression.  
  
"Oh I'm sure he won't mind!" Fat Bastard arrogantly replied as he started waddling towards Beach Head. Cover Girl hurried after him to try to beat him to Beach.  
  
"Beach darling!" Cover Girl nervously greeted Beach Head and hung on his arm. "Fa- I mean Robert here was just trying to get me to dance with him but I tried to explain how you don't LIKE me dancing with other guys - honey." If there's a God, Beach will play along, she thought to herself.  
  
"Well, I guess one little dance isn't gonna hurt. I can make an exception this ONE time. You go on ahead now - honey," Beach nudged her to Fat Bastard, who was already pulling her to the dance floor. She looked behind her, shooting eye daggers at Beach Head who was trying to stifle his laughter and maintain his composure. "I hate you," she mouthed to him. Beach just grinned and waved at her. This day was getting better already, Beach thought to himself.  
  
'Eeeewww,' Cover Girl thought to herself as she was practically doing a backbend to try to avoid Fat Bastard's protruding stomach from touching her. His arms aren't long enough! What the - Beach has the video camera on me! He'll pay! Cover Girl stewed in her humiliation as she looked at Beach and the camera and flipped them off in protest. It wasn't like she'd ever get to live this moment down anyway.  
  
"Excuse me, I need to borrow your dance partner. Bridesmaid business." Scarlett interrupted them. Cover Girl couldn't break away fast enough.  
  
"It's about fucken' time! Where the hell were you? I thought I was gonna DIE!" Cover Girl was infuriated.  
  
"Easy girl. I never heard of 'death by dancing'," said Scarlett.  
  
"Fine, YOU go dance with Fat Bastard!" Cover Girl challenged her.  
  
"All right I get it, I'm SORRY!" Scarlett laughed. "Duke and I went for a little walk. Hey, where are you going?"  
  
"To go kill Beach Head!" Cover Girl fumed as she stormed off on her mission.  
  
"Well hello Miss O'Hara," Lady Hart dryly greeted Scarlett. "I didn't see you around so I was going to check the coat storage."  
  
"Lady Hart, always a pleasure," Scarlett sarcastically replied with a withering smile.  
  
"No Howie Strong today? I do know how much you like to bring both of your boyfriends to these events, dear. That was quite a picture of you doing the tango with him on 'Page Six'." Lady Hart informed her contemptuously.  
  
"What's the matter Mumsy Hart? Didn't take your Lithium today?" Scarlett coolly replied while maintaining her smile. Lady Hart left in her poised huff. "Bitch," Scarlett muttered as she took another sip of her cocktail.  
  
********************  
  
"Mmmm hmmm. Just how I like 'em: Tall, built, and built to the hilt!" Lawrence seductively declared. "So what are you doing after the reception, soldier? ME hopefully!"  
  
"WHAT the FUCK?!" Beach Head snapped to Lawrence with the look of death in his eyes. "All right you fruit salad, you better start practicin' livin' in a body cast 'cause I swear on all that is holy I'm gonna - ," Beach stopped to identify the laughter nearby then roared, "COVER GIRL YOU BETTER GIMME THAT CAMERA OR I'M GONNA BRING NEW MEANING TO HELL ON YOU!"  
  
"Payback's a bitch and now so are you, BEE-OTCH!" Cover Girl stuck her tongue out while thumbing her nose at Beach Head then took off running with her shoes already in her hand. Beach immediately left Lawrence to hunt down Cover Girl.  
  
"Mmm hmm, easiest $50 I ever made," Lawrence complimented himself.  
  
*********************  
  
"Excuse you - ," Baroness started to spat at her near-collision then sweetened her tone, "-Oh, why Beach Head, darling! My you clean up well. I've been looking all over for you."  
  
"I don't what for and I don't have the time anyway if you'll excuse me," Beach Head tried to dismiss her. He was more concerned with not losing Cover Girl's trail.  
  
"Don't have time for your fabulous career in music darling? Surely you jest! What could ever be more important?"  
  
"Baroness I don't have time for this and I told you before, I'm not interested. If you'll excuse me I have to go find Cover Girl," Beach Head clarified and left in a hurry.  
  
"Oh that's wonderful darling! She's an ex-model and will be fabulous for your image!" Baroness called out after him.  
  
*********************  
  
"Care to double your pay, sister?" Cover Girl asked. "Right over here."  
  
Lawrence slinked up to an unsuspecting Shipwreck. "Hey sailor, nice 'dickey'," he said in his most tantalizing tone with a raised eyebrow. "Maybe you can show me your 'dingy' sometime."  
  
"Holy SHIT!" Shipwreck, caught by surprise, sprayed out his margarita then grabbed Lawrence by the collar and angrily declared, "Look, I ain't no disco-dancing cake-boy! Got it?"  
  
"BWAAHAHA!! Homophobe!" Cover Girl laughed hysterically as she did a victory dance with the video camera in one hand and her middle finger presented on the other. "I'll tell you what Shipwreck! You can be MY bitch! How's THAT sound?"  
  
"Why don't you practice falling down, I'll be right back," Shipwreck ordered Lawrence as he took off after Cover Girl.  
  
*********************  
  
"Courtney?"  
  
Cover Girl turned to face the familiar voice as pain washed over her. "Steve. Hello. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm with one of the guests," Steve replied sheepishly.  
  
"I'm so happy for you," Cover Girl said dryly as she pretended to be preoccupied with smoothing her hair and admiring her nails.  
  
"I knew you'd be here since you're so close to the bride. I came here just to see you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, you know," Steve confessed.  
  
"Really Steve? Well I've definitely stopped thinking about you." Cover Girl laughed then began to turn away but he grabbed her arm.  
  
"Courtney don't," Steve ordered her. "I want to see you."  
  
"No. Let me go. Now." Cover Girl couldn't keep up her passive façade much longer. She was on the verge of tears.  
  
"You heard the lady. You'll listen to her if you know what's good for you, boy," growled a familiar deep-voiced southern twang. Beach Head was right in Steve's face now. Cover Girl watched in disbelief.  
  
"What's it to you?" Steve arrogantly asked.  
  
"I'm her boyfriend, dumb-ass! Her VERY PROTECTIVE boyfriend who loses his temper and breaks bones when he sees dickheads such as yourself treatin' her disrespectfully. Do we understand each other?" Beach had that look of death in his eyes again. Cover Girl's face lit up as she nodded in agreement towards Steve, who looked like he was going to piss his pants, or worse.  
  
"Hey, I mean no disrespect. We're old friends and I was just saying hello," Steve nervously tried to explain.  
  
"WHAT in the hell are you still doing here?" Beach roared at Steve. "I thought I dismissed you, Sally! Apparently we DON'T understand each other, shit-for-brains!" Beach warned him.  
  
"Uh, no - I mean yeah - ." Steve hurried off.  
  
"Oh my God, Beach! Thank you!" Cover Girl squealed, relishing her victory. "But I don't get it. Why the 'knight-in-shining-armor' act for me? What's the catch?" She wanted to know.  
  
"Don't get all mushy on me, Blondie. I'm first in line to hurt you and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let a dickweed like that cut in front of me." Beach explained matter-of-factly.  
  
"Thank you anyway," Cover Girl said nicely.  
  
"I still hate you Cover Girl," Beach stated wryly.  
  
"Aw, Beach. I still hate you too," said Cover Girl still smiling.  
  
********************** 


	9. Song Games

"Song Games"  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"Ooh look, Allie! Your dress made the 'Celebrity Scene' section!" Scarlett pointed out Lady Jaye's wedding dress in her fashion magazine.  
  
"Really?" Lady Jaye beamed. This wasn't exactly news to her but it was still fun to hear about it. It made her feel as if her wedding hadn't ended, even though it actually did a short month ago.  
  
"I knew it would. It was all over the Times' Style section and our magazine is doing a feature as well. Too bad you only get to wear it once," Cover Girl commented then asked, "Hey did you guys hear about Beach Head? Rumor has it that he has a single coming out." She said, looking at the Baroness in a manner to solicit more information.  
  
"I did and I still don't believe it. Baroness, my hat's off to you. How in the world did you ever get Beach Head to take you up on your offer?" Lady Jaye asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, how did you lure him to the dark side?" Scarlett chuckled.  
  
"Well darlings, it wasn't easy. That boy's even more stubborn than that fucken' Destro! But he had one rather strange condition, that I publicize one song in particular to death. Whatever," Baroness shrugged then grumbled, "Fucken' musicians."  
  
"Well I can't wait to hear it," Cover Girl commented.  
  
"Yeah, I'll just bet," Lady Jaye laughed.  
  
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Cover Girl replied defensively.  
  
"Hello, it was MY wedding! I was THERE," Lady Jaye told her knowingly  
  
"So?"  
  
"So you two were chasing each other around the reception like little school children pulling each others hair," Lady Jaye reminded her.  
  
"Yes indeed, it was actually kind of cute," Scarlett chimed in.  
  
"Eeewww. It wasn't like that at all! He made me dance with Fat Bastard - no thanks to you guys! And I had to get back at him. That's all!" Cover Girl defended herself.  
  
"Uh-huh," said Lady Jaye mockingly.  
  
"And ANYWAY, I like Thaddeus, remember?" Cover Girl informed them.  
  
"Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, and how IS that relationship with his EMAIL going?" Lady Jaye asked sarcastically, trying to give her a reality check.  
  
Cover Girl's face fell at the truth of Lady Jaye's statement. "Well at least he's sweet and nice, not to mention a cutie-pie. It's not like I meet guys like that every day over here," she solemnly replied.  
  
"Sure, he's sweet and nice. But all the way from California? Come on now," Scarlett commented.  
  
"Yeah, you don't even see him. He may as well be a troll for all the good he does you in Cali. It's already been a couple of months, has he even mentioned coming out here or invited you to visit him again?" Lady Jaye asked.  
  
"We've been very busy," Cover Girl lied to the others and herself.  
  
"He's probably busy with his girlfriend," Scarlett commented. Cover Girl shot her a sour glare.  
  
"Honey, I know the dating scene is brutal but you have to stop using Thaddeus and Steve as an excuse to make yourself unavailable," Lady Jaye tenderly advised.  
  
"So darling, when is your next big date with this Thaddeus' email?" Baroness asked.  
  
"Shut up," Cover Girl grumbled. The truth really hurt sometimes. And as sweet as Thaddeus was, her relationship with his email was making her feel pretty lonely. 'What good is it for him to be one of the 'good guys' if he's just going to be unavailable to me? It's so unfair,' she thought. A part of her also resented that he wasn't there to rescue her from Steve at the wedding but that it had to be - UGH - Beach Head of all people! Not that he was bad to look at and he certainly had the intimidation factor down to put Steve in his place. Thank goodness at least Beach was there to help her save face, it's not like Steve had to know that she actually couldn't stand the guy.  
  
"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Baroness changed the subject as she pulled several CD's out of her Birkin bag, "This is Beach Head's new single. You're among the first to get your hands on one, along with every deejay in New York and L.A. of course."  
  
"Ooh boy, 'I Hate You Cover Girl'?" Scarlett read the CD title aloud as she laughed herself into tears. "Is this a practical joke?"  
  
"A hit single is no joke, darling," Baroness assured her.  
  
"Oh but now I am!" Cover Girl irately screamed at Baroness. "How COULD you? You knew about this all along and you wait until NOW to spring this on me when it's already released!?"  
  
"Well, then you would have told me 'No' darling," Baroness unperturbedly explained, "I've heard it. It's actually very sexy under that edgy angry rap exterior." Cover Girl stormed out of the restaurant.  
  
"Yup, sounds like wedding bells to me," Lady Jaye commented, still laughing at the song title. "Poor girl. Not exactly Al Green here."  
  
"Never mind 'poor girl', it'll be more like 'poor Beach Head' when she gets a hold of him!" Scarlett corrected her.  
  
****************************  
  
COVER GIRL'S APARTMENT  
  
In the safety of her own home and without witnesses, Cover Girl was finally ready to listen to her namesake song. She braced herself as she put Beach Head's CD in the stereo and listened in repulsion and intrigue:  
  
"I Hate You Cover Girl"  
  
"Pushing sex from the pages of Cosmo and Vogue  
  
Why don't you pose for Playboy and take off your clothes  
  
It don't matter cuz you ain't real and you need to stop  
  
But if you were you were, your panties I'd make quick to drop  
  
Try pushing your sex on a mortal man, ain't naming names  
  
There's a dark secret in me and I ain't playing no games  
  
I hate you Cover Girl  
  
Get the fuck up out of my head  
  
And jump straight into my bed  
  
Your body so fucken' bodacious  
  
But yo' attitude I got no patience  
  
This player's coming to you  
  
I gotta be a motha' fucken' fool  
  
Cuz you ain't real, just a magazine's tool  
  
On the pages you're so smooth  
  
And I feel like touchin' you  
  
But what's the motha' fucken' use  
  
I hate you Cover Girl  
  
I hate you Cover Girl"  
  
DEAD MAN!!! Cover Girl fumed as she picked up the phone to make a dreaded but necessary phone call.  
  
"Where is he staying?" Cover Girl angrily demanded to know.  
  
"Who, darling?" Baroness answered demurely.  
  
"Don't play games," Cover Girl warned her, "You KNOW who."  
  
"You should be flattered, dear."  
  
"I'm not that dysfunctional. Now WHERE?" Cover Girl demanded.  
  
"This is going to be a big big fucking hit."  
  
"Which is why YOU OWE me and you fucking KNOW it. That's why you're going to tell me exactly where he's staying. I know damn well he's in the city if your firm is doing his PR." Cover Girl guilt-tripped the Baroness into divulging her information.  
  
**************************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
"Oh good, you're here," Scarlett greeted Duke as she came home from her meeting with Lawrence, which took place over late afternoon bellinis and shopping. "We still have to pick out our song for the first bride/groom dance. This is a list of suggestions for us to look over." She informed Duke, who was resting comfortably on the couch with a copy of the Times.  
  
"Oh, are those from Florence?" Duke asked.  
  
"Her name is Lawrence," Scarlett corrected, swatting him on the head with the list.  
  
"All right I got one, how about Nelly? You know: 'It's gettin hot in here, so take off all your clothes.'" Duke mimicked the suggestive song.  
  
Scarlett rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Okay, just for that you're not allowed to play with Beach Head anymore. And by the way, don't give up your day job."  
  
"How about 'Don't Come Around Here No More'?" Duke taunted.  
  
"How about 'My Way - or the Highway'?" Scarlett warned with a raised an eyebrow.  
  
"How about 'Hey Big Spender'?" Duke asked, holding up her Prada shopping bag.  
  
Pause. "Touché," Scarlett surrendered, even though it was actually her money that she always spent so that Duke wouldn't have room to talk. Not that you can throw this in a man's face without crushing his ego. It wasn't like he couldn't afford her retail habit anyway. "You think you're pretty funny, don't you?"  
  
"Mmm-hmm," Duke smugly replied as he put his hands behind his head and smirked triumphantly. Scarlett chucked a pillow at him, tagging him in the face.  
  
"Well then riddle me this, funnyman: How do you plan to explain to my father why he's coming all the way up from Atlanta for his little girl's wedding just to witness your shenanigans?"  
  
"Shenanigans? I'll show you shenanigans," Duke warned her as he pulled her down on him and started tickling her.  
  
"Stop it!" Scarlett begged while laughing hysterically. "You know I hate that!"  
  
"Yeah, right! You love it and you know it," Duke declared as he pulled her closer and ran his hands through her mane while softly kissing her neck.  
  
Scarlett sighed. "Mmm, what did that song say again? Something about me taking off all my clothes?" She asked as she peeled off her top.  
  
"How about that 'I did it all for the nookie' song?" Duke asked as he unbuckled her belt.  
  
"You can have that one for your garter toss music," Scarlett compromised as she helped unbutton his shirt and kicked off her heels.  
  
************************  
  
HILTON HOTEL  
  
Cover Girl took a deep breath as she mentally prepared herself to knock on the hotel room door and complete her mission. He's got it coming, she told herself. He asked for it, he's even getting off easy, she convinced herself as she knocked firmly on the door.  
  
"Who is it?" hollered the deep voice from inside the room.  
  
"I think you know who it is," Cover Girl sweetly replied.  
  
"What do you want Cover Girl?" Beach Head asked unceremoniously as he opened the door. Cover Girl was caught off-guard by what greeted her at the door and lost her train of thought for a moment. Beach's short dark hair was wet and all he was wearing was a towel around his waist. He had obviously just stepped out of the shower. His skin wasn't even completely dried off yet. She was trying to remember if he had been built that well in the Joe days but maybe she hadn't been paying attention back then. Was he always this sculpted? And that washboard stomach-  
  
"Well you just gonna stand there muted like Snakes, or you gonna speak?" Beach started getting impatient with her, snapping her out of her trance. That's right! The mission! She looked up at him as the anger started flooding back again and threw a handful of raw eggs at his face.  
  
"There! Now YOU have egg on your face TOO!" Cover Girl shouted at him then immediately took off running for the elevator, praying he wouldn't come after her or worse, catch her. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break down in tears.  
  
"Get over yourself Cover Girl. You ain't the only pair of legs that ever graced the pages of a magazine," Beach Head called out as he wiped the egg off his eyes. Girl's got a lot of nerve, he thought, as well as spunk damn her. She turned around to yell back a retort but was cut short by the sight of him using his towel, no longer around his waist, to wipe the eggs off his face and hair. She shut her mouth and quickly turned away in embarrassment.  
  
"I didn't see that," she muttered to herself repeatedly as she leaped into the elevator. The elevator door shut, giving her privacy to sink to the floor with her flushed face in her hands and to catch her breath. "Now I see why he's so damn cocky. Huge 'talent'."  
  
"I hate you Cover Girl," Beach swore to himself as he went back into his room to get cleaned up.  
  
************************ 


	10. The Love Boat

"The Love Boat"  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"Darlings, next week is my 35th birthday - ," Baroness started to state.  
  
"-Of course it is," Lady Jaye sarcastically interrupted her.  
  
"-Yet again," Scarlett chimed in.  
  
"Ahem, anyways XAMOT AND TOMAX, this will be a week-long celebration at the Hamptons on Destro's private yacht and we're all going. Bring your boy- toys too. Fabulous people will be dropping in all week, then at the end of the week there will be a magnificent party in my honor with about 100 guests. My firm's most fabulous clients of course." Baroness told her friends.  
  
"Baroness, I don't know. I don't think the guys will go for it. They don't want to be stuck on a boat with Destro for a whole week," Scarlett said apprehensively.  
  
"And neither do we," Lady Jaye joked.  
  
"First of all, it's not a 'boat'. It's a 200-foot luxury yacht with a crew of 15, complete with water toys, a full gym, steam room, gameroom and magnificent staterooms for everyone. And second, Destro is antisocial so you'll probably never even see him. And he's not even joining us until the weekend anyway. He has business to take care of in the city first," Baroness set them straight.  
  
"Okay, we're tempted again," said Cover Girl.  
  
"Wait a minute, if Destro's so antisocial then WHY does he have an overpriced party barge?" Lady Jaye asked.  
  
"Because, darling, it's fabulous!" Baroness proudly answered. "And this is your last chance to board the 'Anastasia' before she sets off for St. Bart's." Destro had named his yacht "Anastasia," after the Baroness.  
  
**********************  
  
DAY 3 ON THE "ANASTASIA"  
  
Scarlett and Cover Girl walked up to the sun deck to find the Baroness sunbathing and polishing her nails. "Well this is interesting. Since when do you polish your own nails?" asked a surprised Scarlett.  
  
"Ever since - oops," Baroness said as she casually but deliberately knocked over the open bottle of nail polish, spilling it on the Burmese teak deck then cheerfully added, "Well, that will never come out. Oh well."  
  
"What was that for?" Cover Girl cried out.  
  
"That, darling, was for that fucken' Destro's latest midlife crisis," Baroness informed her as she tossed her a copy of the Post, already turned to page six. "Apparently he's too busy canoodling with some fucking nobody to join me out here sooner."  
  
"But why the property damage? Why not just flirt with one of the cabin boys and let these vulture photographers publish it?" Cover Girl suggested, pointing out the photographers armed with telephoto lenses on the dock, hoping to catch a celebrity sunbathing topless on the water.  
  
"It won't work, dear. Destro knows I won't fuck the help," Baroness informed her.  
  
***************  
  
DAY 4  
  
A helicopter hovered over the "Anastasia" to land on the vessel's helipad. "Oh splendid. More guests are arriving." Baroness cood on the sun deck.  
  
"Who's on there?" Cover Girl inquired.  
  
"Hmm, let's see. Lawrence, Gunilla Parsons and her date, some other 'somebody', and oh yes Beach Head," Baroness answered. Gunilla was a young twenty-something actress currently in one of Scarlett's plays and one of Baroness' big name clients. Cover Girl's face scrunched up at hearing Beach Head's name.  
  
"Well, Beach Head's music isn't really my taste. I really prefer Eminem's style. Come to think of it, I prefer anyone else's style," Cover Girl commented as she cued up Em's CD on the deck stereo system.  
  
****************  
  
"You don't so much as LOOK my way on this boat or I'll hang you by that cheetah scarf of yours, got it Nancy?" Beach Head warned Lawrence as they got out of the helicopter.  
  
"Yes SIR," Lawrence answered with a flamboyant salute after donning his Chanel sunglasses, and then went on his merry way.  
  
"Beach, buddy! So glad you could make it!" Flint greeted him on the helipad with Duke.  
  
"Always good to see one of the guys, even if it's YOU Beach," Duke added in jest.  
  
"Man, you two must be REALLY pussy whipped to let the girls drag you out on DESTRO'S boat for a whole week!" Beach laughed at Duke and Flint. "You be sure to send me a postcard from PW-Land will 'ya?"  
  
Flint and Duke smirked at each other knowingly. "I don't know, should we tell him?" Flint asked Duke in a manner to taunt Beach's curiosity.  
  
"He might not be man enough to handle all the amenities that this 'boat' has to offer," Duke chimed in.  
  
Flint put his arm around Beach's shoulder. "Maybe not, but Beach is our old buddy. Destro won't be here till the weekend, not that it matters because my friend, this luxury liner has the most breathtaking views that money can't buy."  
  
"What the hell are you talkin' about? All I see are passing boats and I can barely see the beach from way out here!" Beach Head looked at them like they were crazy.  
  
Now it was Duke's turn to take Beach under his arm. "Beach my friend, so shortsighted! Not THAT view!" Duke turned his friend around to reveal the nearby ocean area where Scarlett and Lady Jaye were racing wave runners. "THAT VIEW!"  
  
"It's even better with binoculars," Flint added.  
  
"Ohhh, I seeee-," with his head slightly cocked at the sight of Scarlett and Lady Jaye being bounced around by the ocean waves, Beach Head stood corrected.  
  
Flint quickly faced Beach Head away from their ladies. "But of course that's not for YOU," he said in a warning tone. "YOUR view is over THERE!" he informed Beach, pointing to the sun deck where Cover Girl was dancing around in a string bikini while holding a Bloody Mary and Baroness was sunbathing.  
  
Beach Head cleared his throat. "Well, that doesn't suck."  
  
"That a boy. Now that you're part of the club, sit back, relax, have yourself a beer and enjoy the scenery!" Duke instructed, playing host as he passed out the beer bottles. "Cheers," they toasted as they watched their respective scenery.  
  
"That's right," Duke commented to Scarlett as she whizzed by on the wave runner then added as he took another sip of his beer, "Who's your C.O., baby?"  
  
"THAT'S telling her. Now try that when she can actually HEAR you, buddy," Flint laughed.  
  
"Yeah right!" Beach Head laughed at Duke's provocative comment. "I bet it's more like Red tells YOU 'Who's your ninja, bitch!'"  
  
"Speaking of 'bitch' I saw that video of you and Florence at the reception," Duke retorted in a warning tone. "Yup, a real pair of sweeties."  
  
"DAMMIT. I'll fix that Cover Girl," Beach Head grumbled, remembering it was her that set up that video with Lawrence.  
  
***************  
  
"Hi baby! I missed you!" Cover Girl excitedly greeted Lawrence as he joined her and the Baroness on the sun deck. Lawrence air-kissed the ladies on the cheek.  
  
"How are you, Cookie? My-oh-my, look at YOU in that string bikini! I can see those Pilates sessions are certainly paying off. You look fan-fucken- fabulous!" Lawrence complimented her long lean figure.  
  
"Oh stop!" Cover Girl gushed.  
  
"Yes darling, careful flaunting that fabulousness or you'll have another song written about you," Baroness casually remarked.  
  
"Yessss, I HEARD about that! He IS a beast isn't he, Cookie?" Lawrence commented scathingly. "I'd totally fuck him."  
  
"Lawrence!" Cover Girl gasped, "No way! He's so arrogant!"  
  
"Honey, arrogant sex is HOT."  
  
"He's right, darling. I'll say 'I told you so' later," Baroness informed her.  
  
"EEEWWW! He's awful and he makes me so angry!"  
  
"Good, because angry sex is HOT! Cookie, come with me for a minute," Lawrence reiterated as he dragged Cover Girl to the railing overlooking the aft deck where Beach Head was getting into his scuba gear to join Duke and Flint, who were already in the water. "Now take a good look over there. Even from up here you can see that arrogant hottie's everything through those dive skins, and I do mean EVERYTHING. And honey, it is ALL good."  
  
Cover Girl turned to Lawrence and as she bit her lower lip confessed in a hushed voice, "I know. I've seen it."  
  
Lawrence gasped in sheer delight. "Mazltov! DETAILS!"  
  
"Shhh!" Cover Girl tried to hush his voice down but it was too late. Beach Head was looking up at them after hearing Lawrence's commotion. "Scuba diving, hey? Great idea, maybe a propeller will turn you into ground meat!" Cover Girl sneered at Beach.  
  
"Good to see you too, fag-hag," Beach replied.  
  
*******************  
  
DAY 5  
  
"Baroness, what the hell happened to the teak deck? There are holes EVERYWHERE, and footprint stains, and nail polish on the sun deck." Lady Jaye inquired the Baroness, who was lounging in the main saloon with Lawrence, who was attempting an Elton John impression at the baby grand piano.  
  
"I happened, darling." Baroness replied. She had made it a point of walking on the soft impressionable teak wood in her high heels and suntan lotioned feet for the past few days.  
  
"Has Destro seen this? He's going to go ballistic." Lady Jaye tried to caution her.  
  
"Probably dear, and yes he will," Baroness nonchalantly replied. Destro had arrived on the helipad just hours earlier.  
  
"DAMMIT ANASTASIA WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS CARELESSNESS!!!" Destro's voice roared throughout the decks.  
  
A slow smile crept on the Baroness' face. "Whatever do you mean, Destro darling?" Baroness demurely replied. She knew that she got him good if he had allowed himself to lose his cool.  
  
"I'm talking about these atrocities!" Destro came in to the saloon waving several pairs of spike-heeled Christian Louboutin and Walter Steiger shoes, confiscated from Baroness' closet. "You know perfectly well that I do not allow for these spikes to walk on my decks! My Burmese teak decks are now ruined due to your lack of heed!" In a dramatic gesture, Destro walked out to the railing and tossed the shoes overboard into the ocean.  
  
"How DARE you!" Baroness ran to the railing, pointlessly since it was too late to save her shoes from their drowning fate. "You know, I could BUY this fucking boat if I wanted to!" Baroness informed him haughtily.  
  
"Yes, but the point is, my arrogant Baroness, that women like you never DO," Destro sneered. Baroness attempted to hit him but he caught her wrist and pushed her roughly away.  
  
"I'm so sick of your shit. I'm getting too old for it. After all, I'm 35!" Baroness proudly affirmed.  
  
"You're impossible. I will not discuss this any further," Destro declared.  
  
Baroness poked her index finger into his chest as she snappishly added, "Fine. But just remember, the last time you wouldn't discuss it, it was on PAGE SIX!" Baroness then turned and walked away while she could still have the last word.  
  
"Way to go Ike Turner," Lady Jaye said disapprovingly as she walked up to Destro. "There are photographers on the dock and passing boats. There'll probably be a great photo of you shoving Anastasia on the cover of 'National Intruder' next week! Very smooth."  
  
"I hope you're enjoying your stay here," Destro replied noncommittally then walked away.  
  
"Goodness, he is sooooo Darth Vader," Lawrence hissed. "I don't know WHAT the Baroness Anastasia sees in him!"  
  
"They need each other. Who else would have them?" Lady Jaye shrugged.  
  
****************  
  
Flint, Duke and Beach Head made their way up to the sun deck to join Scarlett and Cover Girl. "Well that was quick! I thought you guys were going to race the wave runners?" Scarlett asked the guys.  
  
"Duke missed you, Red" Beach Head mocked in a girly tone. Scarlett pitched a handful of ice cubes out of her drink at him.  
  
"We started to head out in the water then a shoe hailstorm came in. I thought I'd seen it all but I officially stand corrected," Flint informed the ladies.  
  
"Destro and Baroness had another one of their legendary squabbles," Scarlett clued them in. "Need I say more?"  
  
"Yeah? Well I heard the weather report but it didn't say anything about a shoe storm. One spike heel almost put Beach's eye out! So we decided to call it a day and come back," Duke added. Cover Girl bellowed out a hearty laugh as she put her head down, hysterically laughing herself into tears over Beach's close call with Baroness' shoe. Beach Head came up to her and pulled the dangling tie-string on her back, causing her bikini top to come undone.  
  
"AAAAGGH!!!" Cover Girl shrieked as she sat up with her arms covering her chest. Beach Head strutted off the deck.  
  
"Damn lovebirds," Flint commented while shaking his head. "Speaking of which, I'm going to go find mine," he told Duke and Scarlett, who weren't paying attention anyway. They were too busy playing kissy-face.  
  
***************  
  
Baroness kicked away her Louis Vuitton hatbox as she made her way to her bed in the master stateroom. "At least that fruitcake brought the 1.0's this time instead of the fucking .25," she said as she examined the small Xanax shipment that Lawrence brought her. "Oh look, he even threw in some Vicodin ES, what a sweetheart!" Baroness gushed over her little surprise as she washed one down with her Bloody Mary. She was no stranger to the world of pharmaceuticals, especially when it came to sedatives and painkillers. Growing up, her mother was bipolar and had to take sedatives to keep her from going ape shit, usually Valium. 10-milligram doses. Of course they didn't call it "Bipolar Disorder" back then. Your mother is "depressed" or "stressed out" they would tell her. In fact, her mother had been too wrapped up in her own depression to deal with the burden of emotionally nurturing a child. After all, she had her severe depression to baby. And the sedatives made her mother too lethargic to care. Of course it was even worse on the occasions when Mother would get defiant and refuse to take her meds. Like throwing an unnecessary colossal shit-fit in public in the throws of a nervous breakdown, or locking herself in her room and refusing to come out or speak to anyone for days, or even becoming a danger to herself like the time she locked herself in a parked car for three hours in 100-degree heat. She would beg her mother to take her meds to "normalize" her, whatever THAT is. But Mother would complain, "But they make me tired." On these occasions she would have to take it upon herself to crush her pill and dissolve it in her tea to trick her into taking it in order to prevent another "episode." And she wasn't allowed to want more out of a mother figure. After countless years of walking on eggshells she eventually gave up on trying to bond with her mother. Mother just wasn't capable. Yes, she had to learn at a very young age to become emotionally self-reliant and distanced, because nobody gives a shit about your problems, least of all your own mother.  
  
No thanks to Father of course. That abusive selfish bastard left Mother early in the marriage when it ceased to serve his purpose, pushing Mother's mental health over the edge. Anastasia was just age five. He never loved either of them. Fuck men. They're shit and they all deserve to be used.  
  
Having such an emotionally detached mother was a common bond she had with Lady Jaye. Lady Jaye's mother was an uppity society bitch who was too stoic and obsessed with the society game and keeping up appearances to be bothered with her daughter's feelings about it all. And Baroness' mother, well, was simply crazy. This left them both alone to emotionally fend for themselves as early as they could remember.  
  
"Ah, that's better. Fuck Mother and her depression," Baroness declared as the euphoria took over. At least her raw deal gave her the emotional training she needed to deal with Destro and the rest of the world. "Fuck men, too."  
  
****************  
  
DAY 6  
  
At last, the Baroness' birthday bash on the "Anastasia," complete with about a hundred of her closest A-list clients and their guests. It was chaotic and she loved it. Destro was in tow, playing the attentive doting gentleman companion. You had to hand it to the guy; he could be in the middle of a knock-down-drag-out-fight with the Baroness but would never let personal feelings and differences creep into public appearances. Airing their dirty laundry would be - uncivilized. They had their PR down to a science; they wanted to portray themselves as the ultimate power-couple and that's exactly how they were seen and envied, and it was good for business to boot. The fights could always be suspended until a later time sans witnesses. It was all about appearances.  
  
While Duke and Flint were out on the observation deck smoking "Romeo y Julieta" cigars, Lady Jaye, Scarlett and Cover Girl walked into the crowded saloon to politely mingle with Baroness' party guests. "Well ladies, it looks like we just walked into Studio 54," Scarlett crossly commented as she pointed out the cocaine laid out in plain view on a nearby table, surrounded by several famous actors and actresses and their companions taking turns doing lines.  
  
"I guess the '80's are back," said Lady Jaye.  
  
"Welcome to 'backstage of every runway show'," Cover Girl commented, "See why I got out?"  
  
"I do, and I also see where Gunilla gets what little talent she DOES have!" Lady Jaye answered, pointing out Gunilla Parsons who was obviously the ringleader of the cocaine table.  
  
"Time for me to mingle," said Scarlett with a wicked tone then sashayed up to Gunilla's table. "Having a good time Gunilla?" she asked with a fake smile.  
  
"Um - Miss O'Hara - hi!" Gunilla sheepishly greeted her producer as she rubbed her nose.  
  
"Funny you should say 'hi(gh)', Gunilla, because you MUST be to show such blatant disrespect to the Baroness Anastasia. Wouldn't you agree?" Scarlett told her as her smile started to disappear.  
  
"Oh this? It's so not even a big deal, everybody here does it anyway! We're just having a good time. What's it to you anyway?" Gunilla tried to justify.  
  
"Look Gunilla," Scarlett said, as if she were speaking to a small child, "I respect your need to do whatever it takes to get through your shitty little days in your shitty little life in one piece. But the thing is, nobody needs to actually SEE IT. Baroness moves heaven and earth to make you look good in the public's eyes, because lord knows your talent alone won't cut it. Now, go hide in the restroom or your stateroom to do that shit privately."  
  
"Fuck you. I don't have to do anything!" Gunilla replied defiantly.  
  
"You're absolutely right, Gunilla," Scarlett replied then in one quick deep puff, blew the cocaine off the table, "you don't have to do ANYTHING."  
  
"You fucken' cunt!" Gunilla screeched.  
  
"So sue me, little bitch," Scarlett coolly responded then turned and walked away.  
  
"Nice! Very smooth, Scarlett!" Cover Girl praised her with a polite golf clap.  
  
"Indeed, that overrated no-talent piece of work NEEDED that attitude adjustment," Lady Jaye added then gasped with her hand cupped over her mouth. "LOOK!" she pointed to the main saloon entry. Scarlett and Cover Girl turned to see what had Lady Jaye so stunned. Beach Head strolled into the saloon with a pair of models, one hung on each arm.  
  
"Oh this is priceless! If I didn't see this with my own two eyes - ," Scarlett was just as amused as Lady Jaye.  
  
"Eeewww, that is SO ghetto!" Cover Girl commented cuttingly.  
  
"Now that Destro's on board maybe he has a spare pimp-coat that Beach could borrow!" Lady Jaye laughed then added, "Well I think I've seen enough. I'm going to go join my hubby and I'm taking THIS with me," as she grabbed an unopened bottle of Dom Perignon and two crystal champagne glasses then exited the saloon.  
  
"Well my work here is done. I guess I'll go retrieve my other half too," Scarlett told Cover Girl, "unless you want me to stay?" she asked, motioning at Beach's direction.  
  
"No, I'm fine! GO. I'm going to go find Lawrence so he can tell me which cute guys here AREN'T gay. He's my 'gay-dar'," Cover Girl told her in an upbeat manner.  
  
"Hmm, I think Allie had the right idea," Scarlett pondered aloud as she helped herself to a bottle of Dom to go.  
  
******************  
  
"Is this a 'private' party or can anyone join in?" Scarlett asked, holding up her champagne bottle, joining Duke on the observation deck. He was standing at the railing, enjoying what was left of his Cuban cigar.  
  
"Only if I get to pop your cork, sweetheart," Duke playfully answered, taking notice of the champagne bottle. In a rousing gesture, Scarlett gently removed his cigar from his mouth and took a couple of modest puffs for herself.  
  
"You better," Scarlett replied as she took another puff, "I was counting on it."  
  
"Ooh, aggressive, I like it!"  
  
"I know," she affirmed under her breath into his ear, "except of course when we play 'Who's your C.O., baby'." Duke, now taken aback, looked as if he saw a ghost. He was too stunned to defend his guilty self.  
  
"Wait, you COULDN'T have heard that - how?" Duke was baffled. Flint and Beach wouldn't sell him out, so how did she know about that? Then again, she was the Joes' Counter Intelligence officer.  
  
"The ship's walls have ears," Scarlett lamely explained, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips to indicate that he wasn't in trouble. Truth be told, it was actually Lawrence with the "ears" in this case. His penchant for reporting gossip back to the girls had even earned him the nickname "Furby" by them. "So are we gonna play or what?" she seductively insisted then looked at the unopened champagne bottle and added, "And I'm still waiting for you to pop my cork, Mr. C.O.."  
  
With a lopsided grin on his face, Duke pulled Scarlett closer to him and said, "This must be why I love you, baby."  
  
"No," Scarlett cleverly corrected him, "you love me because I'm your ninja, bitch."  
  
"Correction, my GORGEOUS ninja," Duke added then shook his head, "Damn, nothing gets past you Intelligence agents."  
  
**********************  
  
Beach Head headed back to his stateroom alone. His pair of arm-trophies had ditched him to be alone with each other. "Damn lesbian sadists. Wouldn't even let me watch," Beach groaned as he opened the door to his stateroom only to find it already occupied. "What the fuck is goin' on in here! This is MY fucken' room, take your sorry asses on out of here!" Beach roared at his room intruders.  
  
"Hey be cool man, it's a party, we're just having a good time," rambled the male intruder, who was naked with a fellow party guest in Beach's bed. Beach Head winced at the idea of sleeping in his bed after they did God- knows-what in there.  
  
"WHAT the hell are you still doing here, OUT!"  
  
"Baby I don't feel so good," groaned the girl in the bed, "I think Gunilla gave us some shitty blow - uh oh - ," she threw up on the bed.  
  
"Change of plans, you're staying in here to sleep in that! And don't touch my shit or I'll make you eat that mess!" Beach barked at the intruders then stormed out to figure out his new sleeping arrangements.  
  
***********************  
  
"Cookie, you're still so young and you've already had such an exciting life," Lawrence gushed, "I'm SO jealous. I'd give my Burberry coat for a day in the motor pool with all those grungy muscular soldiers!" Lawrence and Cover Girl were sharing stories in her stateroom as they lay on her bed drinking champagne. Just like a pajama party, especially since Cover Girl had already changed into her tank top and boxer shorts and was tucked into bed. Naturally this was 'safe' since Lawrence was like one of the girls.  
  
"I'd give your Burberry coat to put you in a room with those Joes too," Cover Girl laughed with a little snort. "I think the champagne's catching up to me. I'm loopy and I can't keep my eyes open anymore."  
  
"Get your beauty sleep, Cookie," Lawrence told her as he kissed her forehead and got up to leave. "I'm going to scare up some more of that decadent birthday cake to take to my room. I'll drop some off for you too on my way back."  
  
"Mmm, thanks," she softly replied as she started drifting off to sleep. Lawrence turned off the lights on his way out.  
  
As promised, Lawrence returned to Cover Girl's stateroom to leave her some cake. As he started to open her door to leave the cake Beach Head intercepted him. "EXCUSE you, but I need to get in here?" Lawrence haughtily informed him.  
  
"There's been a change in sleeping arrangements, cake-boy; you're being evicted. I'm sleeping in here tonight and you're - well I really don't give a shit if you sleep on the deck but it ain't gonna be in here. Deal with it," Beach Head informed Lawrence as he pushed him away from the door and proceeded to enter Cover Girl's stateroom.  
  
"No-no! Wait a minute! But it's not - ," Lawrence nervously tried to tell Beach that it wasn't his room to steal from him.  
  
Beach Head turned to him with a deadly look in his eye. "I'm tired and VERY pissed off, Miss. Florence. Are we gonna have a PROBLEM?"  
  
"It's Lawrence," he corrected in a snooty tone then walked away. "Hmph!"  
  
"Damn bitches," Beach Head cursed as he entered the dark room. "There better not be no Astro-Glide in that bed either or he'll have my boot up his ass without the lube," he muttered to himself as he threw off his clothes and crawled into the king-size bed. The bed actually smelled nice, even sweet. Guess those queens even prefer to wear women's perfume. Well that's just fucken' sick, he judged as he got comfortable.  
  
*******************  
  
DAY 7  
  
Morning came and Beach Head started to stir out his sleep. Much to his astonishment, he woke up to his arm cradled around Cover Girl, almost spooning her. When the hell did she come in, he wondered. Maybe she wanted a piece of Beach, he mused, as he slyly smelled her hair since it happened to be in his face anyway. Nice. I don't remember giving it to her, did I have that much to drink, I'd definitely remember with skin this soft, he wondered as he peeked under the covers. Nope, her PJ's are still on if you want to call them that since they're barely there to begin with. Beach Head maintained his comfortable position as he mentally tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together. He was so distracted that he forgot to remove his arm off Cover Girl, or maybe it was more convenient not to.  
  
Cover Girl smiled contently as she woke up to being cuddled. Something about it made her feel safe and protected. "What's the matter, sister, had a bad dream and had to come sleep in here? Was the boogieman hiding under your bed?" Cover Girl thought she was asking Lawrence as she patted the arm that was wrapped around her. It felt different. Lawrence was a gym-buff but the muscles on this arm were much bigger and on a larger frame than Lawrence. Her eyes widened as she slowly turned over to see whom the arm belonged to.  
  
"AAAAAAAAGH!!!" Cover Girl shrieked at the top of her lungs as she proceeded to beat Beach with her pillow and kick him until he fell out of the bed. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE!? Get out you pig! Get out!"  
  
"Good morning to you too sweetheart," Beach replied sarcastically as he got up from the floor, "and what do you mean 'get out'? You're the one who came crawling into my bed with me!"  
  
"Eeewww, AS-IF! In your wet dreams, buddy! For your information this is MY bed, MY room, what the fuck are you doing in here you goddamn predator!" she screamed at him.  
  
Beach Head's face fell at the confusing news. "No, this is that fruitcake's room. I kicked him out so I'd have somewhere to sleep," he tried to reason, worried as hell that he was wrong and how bad that would look.  
  
"This is MY room you dip-shit! Here I'll even prove it just to see the look on your sorry face," she irately informed him as she jumped out of bed and yanked a drawer out of the dresser, spilling its contents everywhere. Beach Head sported a wide grin as he held up a delicate lace thong. She had unwittingly pulled the lingerie drawer.  
  
"GIVE THAT BACK OR I'LL MAKE YOU WEAR IT!"  
  
"Not really my size but maybe I'll keep it as a souvenir," Beach Head taunted her.  
  
"Well then HERE since you like to play with ladies underwear so much!" Cover Girl snapped as she started throwing her unmentionables at Beach as quickly as she could grab them. Beach laughed hysterically at her in his lingerie shower.  
  
"Very nice," Beach commented as he looked over one of her Victoria's Secret decollate bras.  
  
"GOD I hate you Beach! You ought to be ashamed of yourself - Oh for heaven's sake will you put some clothes on already? I don't need to see all that!" Cover Girl snapped at him.  
  
"Hey you're lucky I didn't sleep commando. I thought I was sleeping in that fruit's bed and I didn't want to catch anything." Beach Head told her, still standing in his boxer briefs.  
  
Cover Girl rolled her eyes. "Catch WHAT? Homosexuality? God you're such a 'phobe!" She replied as she threw his clothes at him, landing on his face.  
  
"Heh! You're one to talk. It's not like YOUR sleepwear leaves much to the imagination either," Beach retorted while pulling his clothes off his face, taking notice of her barely covered sculpted Pilates body.  
  
"I was SUPPOSED to be sleeping ALONE!" She fumed. "What's the matter, Beach? See something you LIKE?" Cover Girl crossly asked with her hands on her hips. They locked eyes, patiently waiting in silence for the other to back down first for seemingly an eternity.  
  
"I'm just going to leave and nobody has to know about this incident. It's just a misunderstanding and it NEVER HAPPENED," Beach said calmly as if he were negotiating a hostage situation while he inched his way to the door.  
  
"Never happened." Cover Girl nodded. "Oh Beach? Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked with her hand held out.  
  
"Dammit," Beach Head grumbled as he tossed her lace thong to her. "I hate you Cover Girl."  
  
"Good," she replied as she snatched her underwear back, "because I hate you too, Beach."  
  
************************ 


	11. Ghosts and Illusions

"Ghosts and Illusions"  
  
ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ  
  
"Darlings, don't forget that tomorrow night is Cecelia's engagement party at the Waldorf," Baroness reminded the group. Cecelia, a top designer, was another one of Baroness' A-list clients and engaged to a musician. "It's going to be fabulous. Strictly A-list." Meaning everyone attending would either be famous or have a recognizable high profile tag after their name such as "editor in chief" or "this-famous-name's lawyer" and the like.  
  
"Cool, does that mean Beach Head isn't invited?" Cover Girl mocked.  
  
"Beach Head has a hit song and is fabulous, darling. He's invited to everything," Baroness informed her.  
  
"I don't know why you dismiss him, you two obviously have the hots for each other," Lady Jaye commented to Cover Girl. "He may be a horse's ass but at least he's honest and not to mention easy on the eyes."  
  
"Did you say "the hots"?" Scarlett mocked. "Maybe they're afraid of their passion for each other."  
  
"Eeewww, do NOT! Pshh, Thaddeus he is NOT," said Cover Girl.  
  
"Darling, how old did you say your Thaddeus was?" Baroness asked Cover Girl.  
  
"Hmm, I don't know. He wouldn't tell me but if I had to guess, late 20's?" Cover Girl answered unsurely. "I know it's kind of young but he's still great and acts very mature for his age so I can deal with it."  
  
"I think you should read this," Baroness handed her an article torn out of a trade magazine. It was a profile piece on Leo Devine's company. Cover Girl read the article with interest then got to a quote from Thaddeus: "This company's growth, blah-blah-blah, said Thaddeus Devine, 23-," she stopped cold as her face went pale.  
  
"Twenty THREE!" Scarlett exclaimed with her jaw dropped.  
  
"No no no, that's impossible. There must be a mistake!" Cover Girl nervously tried to rationalize. "Baroness, how old is this article? A few years right?"  
  
"It came out this month."  
  
"Whoa! He's young enough to be in a boy band!" Lady Jaye teased. "No wonder he wouldn't tell you his age! He's practically jail-bait!"  
  
"So did you have to buy the alcohol or did he have a fake ID?" Scarlett chimed in. "Or did he take you to a keg party?"  
  
"Stop."  
  
"You cradle robber!" Lady Jaye laughed. "Do you realize that while you were in combat fighting Cobra, he was going to junior high dances, maybe even getting his first kiss?"  
  
"He's bragging to all his little friends that he 'scored' with a hot 'older woman'," Scarlett added.  
  
"A hot older ex-model no less. I'm sure that got him a few high-fives at the next 'kegger'," Lady Jaye chimed.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick," Cover Girl said weakly. The truth and the reality that went with it actually made her feel physically ill. And -oh shit! - All those sexy naughty emails she sent him! This was so bad, and the humiliation! All her fond memories were a lie, and even worse she had been made a fool by - a kid.  
  
"Will you please let that one go now?" Baroness asked Cover Girl exasperatingly then barked to the other two, "And will you two please change this tired subject?"  
  
"You brought it up," Scarlett reminded Baroness.  
  
"And now it's old so make like Cover Girl and move on," Baroness snapped.  
  
"Whatever," Scarlett resigned.  
  
"So um Scarlett," Lady Jaye started to ask her in an unsure tone, "Hypothetically speaking, if I were to get pregnant how would that work into the show productions? I mean, how big a problem would that be?" Three pairs of stunned eyes were now locked on her.  
  
"Oh Jaye, NO!" Baroness protested.  
  
"Shut up you!" Cover Girl hissed at Baroness. "Oh Allie I'm so excited for you!"  
  
"I said HYPOTHETICALLY. I'm not pregnant," Lady Jaye set them straight.  
  
"Well you've never been one to beat around the bush," Scarlett told her, "I thought you didn't want one yet. Did you change your mind? Are you thinking about it now?"  
  
"It's in the possibility realm," Lady Jaye admitted, "Dash and I have been talking about it. I mean let's face it we're not getting any younger and I don't want to be one of those women having babies at 40. I don't give a shit of Madonna did it or not. And before you start Baroness, I DON'T mean YOU."  
  
"Of course not darling, after all I'm nowhere near 40 nor will I have a child at that age either," Baroness retorted.  
  
"Well professionally it's really not a problem," Scarlett answered her previous question. "I mean, nowadays pregnancy is hidden on shows all the time. You can still sing and act, but of course the dance numbers would have to be altered so they're not so rigorous on you but it can be done. The public loves you so they'll support you on this. The question is if YOU'RE physically up to it."  
  
"Darling, don't do it and ruin your beautiful body. Besides, Louis Vuitton doesn't make diaper bags," Baroness tried to caution her.  
  
"No, but Prada does!" Cover Girl snappishly corrected her. "And my Pilates instructor can put her on a special low impact pregnancy workout program so she doesn't lose strength and flexibility and regain her shape quicker after delivery. Her body will be just fine."  
  
"Hmm, interesting," Lady Jaye pondered aloud.  
  
"WHY do you know that Prada makes diaper bags?" Scarlett asked Cover Girl in amusement.  
  
"Uh, the magazine did a feature on it awhile back," Cover Girl lied.  
  
**********************  
  
THE WALDORF ASTORIA - CECELIA'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY  
  
While Duke and Flint were gone momentarily to go find Beach Head, the gal pals had a chance to pow-wow. "So what mood-altering black market prescription drug are we operating on tonight? Xanax?" Lady Jaye teased Baroness as she started their favorite game of "Guess Baroness' Drug of Choice Today," and of course "we" meaning Baroness.  
  
"Nope," replied Baroness.  
  
"Valium," Cover Girl guessed with certainty. Baroness shook her head "no" as she took a sip of her martini.  
  
"Hmm, Darvocet?" Scarlett guessed as she joined in the game.  
  
"Bingo," Baroness revealed tonight's mystery pill.  
  
"Yes!" Scarlett gloated about her lucky guess.  
  
"What does THAT do?" Cover Girl inquired the Baroness.  
  
"It makes you feel like a pretty princess," Baroness explained the narcotic- based painkiller in a childlike voice.  
  
"I'll bet you say that about all your illegal prescriptions," Lady Jaye taunted.  
  
"Oh look, Howie's here," said Scarlett uneasily as she caught sight of him looking at her from across the room. She politely waved back. There was no way that Duke wouldn't notice Howie's presence, making for an inevitably awkward situation.  
  
"Howie's everywhere darling, he's the King of All Media," Baroness reminded her.  
  
"Never mind Howie," Cover Girl said nervously as she noticed a familiar nemesis in the room, "what is STEVE doing here! And who's that with him?"  
  
"Hmm, guess this must be the gala for ghosts of flirtations and dates past," Lady Jaye commented in amusement, "and I thought this wing-ding would be boring!"  
  
"Steve is certainly not A-list so he must have crashed this party. And I don't recognize his date so she's definitely a fucking nobody," Baroness informed them then said to Cover Girl, "This Steve knows who your friends are. He's obviously here to see you."  
  
"Are you sure Baroness? It's kind of hard to see from here but his date seems to actually be pretty." Cover Girl started feeling her insecurity about this situation getting the better of her. "I'm going to go see if I can find out anything," she excused herself and the remaining three split up.  
  
**********************  
  
"There you are, hon," said Scarlett as she walked up to Duke. "Did you find Beach Head?"  
  
"Did you know that Howie Strong was going to be here?" Duke asked accusingly.  
  
"No, I don't keep up with his schedule," Scarlett answered sarcastically. "His people are very bad about getting back to my people." She knew that some backlash for her Howie stunt was to be expected, but wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Duke had given her his share of grief over the years, giving her ammunition if she needed it.  
  
"Don't do that," Duke expressed his displeasure to her ridicule. "I'm being serious."  
  
"I couldn't tell with it being such a ridiculous question - Oh my God!" Scarlett let out a small laugh with her hand politely cupped over her mouth, "You're jealous!"  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
"Yes you are! You're so jealous that we're going to have to call you 'Flint'!" Scarlett teased him.  
  
"You think this is funny?" He retorted sternly.  
  
"No," she softly replied as her hand gently stroked his cheek while looking lovingly in his eyes, "I think it's sweet. But now you have to get over it, because if I WANTED to be with him, I WOULD. But I'm not, okay?"  
  
"If you say so," he replied discontentedly.  
  
********************  
  
After doing some networking, Cover Girl returned to the Baroness to report her information about Steve and grieve. "They just got married," she said in disbelief.  
  
"Did you get a good look at the bride in question?" Baroness asked.  
  
"I did," Cover Girl said uneasily.  
  
"-and?" Baroness pressed.  
  
"What can I say, she's heartbreakingly beautiful," Cover Girl mournfully admitted. "No wonder he held out on me. I guess he COULD do better. She's perfect. I can't even blame him for passing me over."  
  
"Nobody's perfect darling, not even me," Baroness attempted to console her. "Besides, you're just as beautiful and you taught him a few good lessons in Vegas and the wedding, remember?"  
  
"Sure I won a couple of small battles, but now he's got the upper hand. You know, for once I'd like to win the war!" Cover Girl said with resolve.  
  
Baroness beamed. "I'm so glad to hear you say that," she replied with satiety. "And I'm going to show you how by giving you a crash course in PR."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Cover Girl replied dismissively.  
  
"Just what I said, darling. It's all PR! PR is an illusion; an image that we want portrayed to the public. We show the public what we WANT them to see, not what really is. Look at my relationship with Destro; we're the envy of everyone who doesn't know us up close and personal. But honestly, with the information you're privy to, would you trade places with me?"  
  
"Please-," Cover Girl snubbed.  
  
"Exactly! Because THAT'S the image we portray! We only show them what we WANT them to see to create the illusion of a fabulous couple! And that's what your Steve is doing to you and you're letting it work. Do you really think that bitch rolls out of bed looking "just so"? Fuck no! She reeks of "high maintenance" and I'll bet he has to spend a good fortune on a regular basis for hair colorists, spas, manicures, pedicures, waxing, facials, peels, body wraps, colonics, and everything else under the sun to maintain her looks. And believe me darling because it takes one to know one! You can tell just by looking at her that she's an asshole to him; keeps him on a short leash and is very demanding. She's the classic textbook type to have to use her looks and store-bought tits to get what she wants because she doesn't have anything else. She's SO cliché, but he's not going to tell you all that, because he just wants you and everyone else to see the pretty package so that he looks like a winner with a trophy wife. Hmph, some trophy wife: It's not like she's DONE anything, because I certainly would have heard about it."  
  
"How can you tell from over here that they're fake?" Cover Girl looked towards the woman in question, trying to see for herself what made it obvious.  
  
"Darling, she's braless and no breasts of that magnitude can be suspended in mid-air defying gravity like that - Hellooo doctor!" Baroness explained then disapprovingly added, "She went too big, that's SO tacky. Hmm, she didn't have a very good doctor; they don't even move. It looks like he just stuck two rocks in her chest. Not that men care, mind you, just as long as they're there."  
  
"Okay fine. But he still thinks he got one on me so how do I win?"  
  
"Good darling! You're catching on! Now YOU need to go do some PR to show him he's no match for you in this game!"  
  
"But how?" Cover Girl asked. "It's not like I have some Mr. Big to throw in his face. I'm here with Lawrence who is SO obviously gay that it would be a joke to even TRY to pass him off as otherwise."  
  
"You're not paying attention," Baroness reprimanded her. "If your PR weapon doesn't exist then you need to CREATE one. Look at Scarlett. When her Duke decided to be a selfish prick and break her heart, she was absolutely devastated and felt like she was going to die without him. Pshh, personally I don't see what ever for over that man- ,"  
  
"Baroness!" Cover Girl snapped.  
  
"Okay fine, that's her business. But as I was saying, did she let him see that? No! She showed him that her life goes on with or without him by picking herself up and letting herself be seen in public having a grand 'ol time with TA-DA, her PR weapon Howie Strong. Was this what was really going on in her life? Absolutely not, it was all an illusion on "Page Six." Meanwhile, she was actually holed up in her apartment for almost two weeks having a pity-party suited for Marilyn Monroe. Did anyone but us see it? No. She showed him what an ass he was to let her go because she was a hot commodity who could do better and in the end she got her man back on her terms," Baroness proudly explained to her.  
  
"But that doesn't make sense because Howie's NOT better than Duke," Cover Girl retorted.  
  
"Darling, Howie's extremely rich and famous and he wanted Scarlett. Men are too shortsighted to see past that and too insecure not to be threatened by that," Baroness explained in an exasperating tone. "Now run along and create your PR weapon because you have the perfect opportunity tonight and time is wasting," she excused her.  
  
*****************  
  
"Hello, Scarlie baby," rang a familiar voice. Scarlett was alone momentarily and Howie Strong used that as an opportunity to approach her. "You look drop-dead gorgeous as always."  
  
Scarlett turned to Howie and smiled pleasantly. "How are you, Howie?" she asked sincerely.  
  
"Broken hearted since you sent that bracelet back," Howie teased her. "You know I picked that out personally just for you."  
  
Scarlett laughed. "You mean your assistant picked it out. But I loved it anyway."  
  
"Then you shouldn't have sent it back."  
  
"I had to. I love my husband-to-be and it wouldn't have been fair to you if I kept it," she explained. "You should run along. My other half isn't your biggest fan tonight."  
  
"Who is?" he joked, though not far from the truth. "Gotcha, I hear 'ya, baby."  
  
"It was good seeing you again, Howie," Scarlett bid him adieu. "Oh Howie?"  
  
"Yeah Scarlie?"  
  
"We both know you only want me because you can't have me," Scarlett informed him with a sly smile.  
  
"Yeah, so what's wrong with that?" Howie winked at her. "Catch 'ya later, Scarlie baby."  
  
*****************  
  
"Hello Courtney," Steve smugly greeted Cover Girl. She had made it a point of making him have to come to her if he wanted to brag.  
  
"Hmm? Oh hello Steve," she nonchalantly replied. "How are you?" she asked obviously insincerely.  
  
"I'm fantastic! I just got married a couple weeks ago. Her name is also Courtney and she has two boys Melinda's age and I've never been happier in my life," Steve bragged overenthusiastically. Her name is COURTNEY? How - disturbing. He was also obviously relishing too much in thinking he was shocking her with his news and rubbing in.  
  
"That's always nice. Good for you," she responded noncommittally and nervously wondered, Oh shit, how am I supposed to top this?  
  
"Isn't that your "boyfriend" from the wedding over there?" Steve skeptically asked, pointing out Beach Head talking to a fellow musician not too far away from them. "He looks like the same guy with that "I Hate You Cover Girl" hit song. Is that about YOU?" He commented snidely with a little chuckle.  
  
Kill Beach later, Cover Girl fumed to herself. "I don't know what you're talking about, this may come as a surprise to you but I'm not the only pair of legs that ever graced the pages of a magazine," she hissed back Beach's former insult. Not bad, she mused. But she still needed a PR weapon to go in for the kill. She had had it up to "here" with guys like Steve and Thaddeus making a fool of her.  
  
"And you're not around him right now because - ," Steve grilled her analytically. Shit! He was relentless and hell bent on winning this pissing contest!  
  
"-Because I don't NEED to keep a short leash on him!" she haughtily informed him. "You see, he's very famous now not to mention built like an Adonis so women throw themselves at him all day long. But I don't need to stand over him 24/7 like some insecure watchdog, because he doesn't want them; he wants ME. Just me. Now if you'll excuse me, all this talk about him has me missing my honey all the more." She casually walked away to put the final nail in Steve's coffin. As she approached Beach Head, she prayed that she would be able to pull this off. This was a one-shot deal and she knew Steve was watching and judging her. She touched Beach's shoulder and smiled at him as he nearly jumped out of his skin in shock as if he had seen a ghost. She ran her fingers through his thick dark hair and whispered into his ear, "I still hate you Beach, but that's the asshole from the wedding and you owe me for that fucked up song so you better make this look good," then pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. Surprisingly, Beach Head obliged her request and reciprocated by also running one hand through her soft long blonde hair and the other along the small of her back, giving her goose bumps. Damn, now he's going to think I like this, but it actually isn't so bad, Cover Girl thought. If this looks half as good as it feels then Steve should be spitting coffin nails till Kingdom Come. She cracked one eye open to see if Steve had finally walked away. He did and Cover Girl reluctantly pulled herself away from Beach.  
  
"Heh, I knew you were hot for me, Cover Girl," Beach taunted. Cover Girl stomped her heel into Beach's foot and he let out a yelp.  
  
"You wish! And THAT'S for touching my ass!" she angrily scolded him.  
  
"You're crazy! You wish I was touching your ass, that was your lower back!" Beach rubbed his sore foot.  
  
"My back's not THAT low, Beach! Why don't you go pound sand!" she hissed at him then walked away, smiling to herself when she knew he couldn't see.  
  
"Hey, you said to make it look good!" Beach called out to her. Yup, everyone wants a piece of Beach, she's just afraid of her passion for me, he mused to himself. She had goose bumps: It's definitely Wayne's World!  
  
********************  
  
"You're one lucky bastard. Fuck, you don't deserve her," Howie commented cuttingly to Duke. Howie caught Duke alone for a moment couldn't resist the opportunity to provoke him.  
  
Duke's hateful eyes narrowed on Howie. "This coming from the most loathed person in show business if not the entire general population? What a joke."  
  
"Well you know what they say about people in glass houses," Howie goaded him. "When the going got tough you dropped her like yesterday's news. I was wrong about you, you're an even bigger loser than I gave you credit for."  
  
"You're skating on REALLY thin ice- ," Duke growled in his face. "I don't hit women but I'd make an exception for you."  
  
"Man you must be a fucken' moron letting go of a hot babe like that. Only an complete fool would let someone like me get that - CLOSE - to her," Howie continued to relentlessly provoke him. Howie's evil words rang true, causing Duke to become heatedly angry with himself for how he had treated Scarlett and how that caused Howie to become a threat to him, and even angrier with Howie for reminding him and for shamelessly pursuing his fiancée. Duke lunged at Howie with all his anger, knocking a table over and causing a commotion in the room as they fought on the floor.  
  
Scarlett ran up, quickly realizing what the commotion was about. "What the fuck is going on here! Oh God, Duke NO - DON'T!" She tried unsuccessfully to pull Duke away. "Flint! Beach Head! Don't just stand there! Get over here!" she ordered them. Flint and Beach Head reluctantly pulled Duke off of Howie, who was quickly whisked away by his entourage.  
  
"Sorry buddy, if I had my way I'd have just looked the other way," Flint told Duke as he pulled him off of Howie.  
  
"How COULD you!" Scarlett screamed at Duke.  
  
"How could YOU," Duke retorted back as he straightened out his suit jacket.  
  
"Fuck you, at least I didn't make you WATCH," Scarlett hissed back.  
  
"Don't know what you're babbling about," Duke attempted to dismiss her accusation.  
  
"Oh lets not play THAT game, or do I need to name names? How about Sel- ," Scarlett heatedly reminded him.  
  
"You're not still on THAT are you? It was a long time ago and it was just a kiss," Duke minimized her feelings.  
  
"Good, because that's all it was with Howie too," she cruelly threw that unknown fact back at him.  
  
"Sure it was. That must be why he sent you a $20k diamond bracelet!" Duke angrily suggested otherwise. Scarlett reached back to slap him but Baroness caught her wrist from behind. Scarlett looked behind her to see the Baroness shaking her head disapprovingly at her.  
  
"That can wait until you get home," Baroness told her in a low voice, "not in public, darling." Scarlett relented and put her arm back down then proceeded to walk away.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" Duke crossly asked as he tried to follow after her.  
  
"To do damage control!" Scarlett answered as she headed towards where Howie had been taken. "You stay here. You've done enough already." And so have I, she thought in blame to herself. She also wondered how he knew about the bracelet. "You better pray he doesn't sue you or publicize this. I'll see you at home," she hissed at him then continued her walk to visit Howie.  
  
Flint chuckled to himself as he dusted off his suit. "You were right Allie, this stuffy party was interesting after all."  
  
"Hmm, well for once you weren't the biggest green-eyed-monster in the room," Lady Jaye teased Flint. "Congratulations."  
  
Flint wrapped his arms around Lady Jaye. "So do I get a prize for that?" he asked. Lady Jaye nodded with a sultry smile.  
  
********************* 


	12. Loose Ends

"Loose Ends"  
  
********************  
  
WALDORF ASTORIA  
  
"Are you okay, Howie?" Scarlett asked in concern. "Oh shit, you look like you got hit by a train."  
  
"Scarlie baby, you're a sight for a sore face," Howie joked under his ice pack. Scarlett sat down next to him with another ice pack to apply to his wounds.  
  
"Oh Howie, why?"  
  
"Why what, baby?"  
  
"Come on now. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you provoked this," Scarlett looked at him knowingly. "You just didn't know who you were dealing with."  
  
"Okay Scarlie, no more goofing on war heroes."  
  
"You're smarter than that, dear. You would have reacted the same way if somebody did that to you with your wife. Are you SURE this wasn't a publicity stunt?" Scarlett asked.  
  
Howie chuckled. "Maybe a stunt gone bad. Come on baby, you know you like me. Otherwise you wouldn't be here right now."  
  
"I'll admit, there's something about you," Scarlett divulged, "but I love Duke with all my heart and soul and that will never change. And like I said before, you only want be because you can't have me."  
  
"How do you know? I like a broad in power with a lot of money. Especially the hot ones," Howie teased her. Scarlett laughed.  
  
"Oh Howie, you're too much! Come on, seriously. This has to stay out of the media. I'm getting married in a month and I don't want the paparazzi taking my wedding photos if you know what I mean," Scarlett requested then mockingly added, "Your invitation got lost on the mail." Howie laughed.  
  
"I'll tell you what, gorgeous. Since I like you, you get me some of those Percodan for this pain and I'll make sure the story gets squashed," Howie bargained.  
  
"Can you really do that?" Scarlett wanted to be sure.  
  
"I'm the King of All Media, baby. I can do anything," Howie bragged.  
  
"Deal!" Scarlett smiled. "I'll go get Dr. Anastasia." Scarlett fetched the Baroness to dispense her Percodan stash.  
  
*******************  
  
BARONESS' LIMO  
  
Scarlett rode home with Baroness and Destro in their limo as she tried to sort through her thoughts. "What is this nonsense about Lady Jaye?" Destro inquired. "Surely she is not serious about this ridiculous baby notion?" Scarlett gave him a most perplexed look.  
  
"WHY do you care and since when is that your business?" Scarlett snapped.  
  
"Uh, ahem, she's so talented and I would just hate to see her career slow down with maternity leave and motherhood demands and the like," Destro tried to cover up his agenda. He hated to see his favorite moneymaker possibly being put on hiatus. "Surely as her show's producer you will talk some sense into her?"  
  
"Ex-CUSE me?" Scarlett was now getting irate. "I will do nothing of the sort! Where do you get off telling me how to conduct my business and Lady Jaye when she can start her family! You know what, I'm really not in the mood for your shit, chrome-dome. Driver, stop please! I'm getting out here!" The driver stopped and Scarlett stepped out of the limo. "I'm sorry Anastasia, but I need to walk the rest of the way so I can calm down and clear my head before I get home. I still have Duke to deal with over there."  
  
"Don't be silly, darling. You'll ruin those sublime Jimmy Choo shoes!"  
  
"Fuck the Choo's." With that in mind, Scarlett proceeded on her walk home.  
  
*******************  
  
PARK AVENUE  
  
Scarlett was so immersed in thought as she walked down Park Avenue that she wasn't inconvenienced by the discomfort of making the trek in four-inch spike heels. At least she didn't wear her five-inchers tonight. There was a time when these kinds of shoes were unheard of in her world. It still amazed her that only five short years ago she had traded her combat gear for designer threads and how quickly it grew on her. Funny how things can change so dramatically and so quickly that it can make your head spin.  
  
Like when the Joe team disbanded. For several years you're in a special missions force then suddenly one day you're thrust back into civilian life because Cobra's gone and your team isn't needed anymore. It was a rough transition for any Joe member. Where do you go from there? At least Lady Jaye could pick up where she left off in her acting career, although she was several years older upon her return, which equates to about 20 years as far as the entertainment industry is concerned. Lady Jaye had been her roommate through the Joe years and as she would talk about ins and outs of acting and the entertainment business, Scarlett would listen intently. She was fascinated with the workings of it all, especially the production process. She had been introduced to the next chapter in her whirlwind life.  
  
Restless in Atlanta, Scarlett took her inheritance and moved to Manhattan. Her share of her mother's life insurance policy had been put in a trust and grew to a considerably hefty sum. After all, it had been accumulating for about 20 years and her father had proven quite a savvy investor for his children's funds. It would have been enough to retire to a quiet comfortable life in Atlanta. But Scarlett wasn't the retiring kind; she had been trained to perpetually push herself beyond her perceived limitations. This is what made her the best of the best. So instead of settling down in Atlanta, it was off to Manhattan to take a huge gamble on her life. Her funds would be just enough to get her settled in the city and jump-start her new career, a huge risk indeed if her company was to fail. She would join her best friend Lady Jaye there, even sing and act in several plays with her to get a hands-on look from the actor's perspective. Lady Jaye got Scarlett's foot in the door; it's all about who you know. Scarlett hated performing, almost as much as she hated the critics incessantly comparing her to Nicole Kidman - "The Nicole Kidman of Broadway" they would write, UGH! She wasn't Nicole Kidman, she was Shana "Scarlett" O'Hara! And the performance anxiety was so overwhelming that she would wretch right before performing, and sometimes after as well. She was more interested in working behind the scenes anyway as one of the powers-that-be.  
  
One afternoon when Lady Jaye and Scarlett were having lunch and discussing her starting her own production company, a too familiar smug eastern European accented voice piped up from the next table. "Darling, if you use your name and distinction with the Joes to get publicity then your company will go 1000 times further and come light years quicker. It will be fabulous," boasted the Baroness, who had been eavesdropping on their conversation. Baroness' PR firm was fairly new at the time and she was looking for new clients that she could turn into success stories, which would in turn build her own firm's prestige and attract the A-list clients. Yes, Baroness was in a nutshell - pure evil - but as a businesswoman her background made her extremely savvy and a force to be reckoned with. She knew the game well and could play it ruthlessly. And she wasn't in it for the money, she already had plenty of hers and Destro's to burn. It was a game to her, to force society and the pretentious "Ladies Who Lunch" to have to deal with her just so she could tell them "Fuck you" and make them tolerate it. Why? Because when they came to the city they had to buy an entire building in order to have their penthouse apartment because no co-op board on Fifth Avenue would let them in. Ridiculous measures to take just to have a fabulous place to live, but at that juncture it wasn't about the apartment anymore; they were out to make a point. Once establishing the Baroness' motive, Scarlett made the controversial decision to take her up on her offer. The decision paid off, and in a bigger way than she ever imagined.  
  
Then there was Duke. The Golden Boy who never made a wrong move. So what the hell happened tonight to change that? Duke wasn't the jealous type; that was Flint's reputation. Lady Jaye had a pretty good handle on it though. Scarlett laughed out loud as she reminisced the infamous evening when Lady Jaye trained Flint to check his jealousy at the door. It was the foursome's first charity gala in the city. Flint, taking notice of Lady Jaye's mid-thigh side slit on her evening gown, sharply commented to her, "Jesus Allie, could that slit be any higher?" Lady Jaye casually glanced down at her slit then pulling on each side ripped the slit open another five inches then in faux astonishment replied, "Well I guess it COULD!" Scarlett choked on her drink at this sight, though she wasn't sure if it was just the gesture or the fact that it was done on a $2k Versace dress. Duke howled out in laughter at his friend and said, "Way to go buddy! Why don't you ask her again!" Ah, those were the days: the days the rules started to change.  
  
During their respective relationships through the Joe years, Lady Jaye and Scarlett were considered "off-limits" and everyone on the team heeded this unspoken rule, well except for Shipwreck naturally. Nobody else was brave or stupid enough to piss off the C.O. and Warrant Officer. This fact gave Duke a sort of smugness about his relationship with Scarlett, even take it a little for granted. For years Scarlett had to watch women try to throw themselves at Duke while he half-heartedly fought them off as she stood by and gritted her teeth. She wasn't allowed to lose her cool for fear of their relationship jeopardizing both of their jobs. Top brass would only look the other way as long as they maintained their professionalism. Usually against standard military protocol but GIJOE was hardly standard military; and they were practically irreplaceable. Then they became civilians and all the old rules went out the window. Outside of their bubble they spent so many years in, suddenly Scarlett wasn't "off-limits" anymore. She was fair game and Duke wasn't in control of the circumstances anymore. The former team leader hated that to say the least. And these weren't just military gruffs in competition; these were ruthless business tycoons and celebrities in hot pursuit. The Golden Boy lost his security blanket and made a wrong move while trying to find his way to safety. Scarlett was home now.  
  
**********************  
  
SCARLETT'S APARTMENT  
  
Scarlett, now much calmer, entered the apartment to find Duke pacing the floor. "Duke, you gave me so much grief for having to put up with the last tabloid scandal. Then you turn around and start one yourself," Scarlett calmly reminded him as she tossed aside her now ruined designer heels.  
  
"That wasn't the goal. I was provoked and it escalated to that," Duke reasoned.  
  
"Oh honey, Howie was pushing your buttons; that's what he does - and you let him! You fell for his game," she said in disappointment.  
  
"So why did you send his bracelet back?" Duke inquired about Howie's extravagant gift.  
  
"Because I love you and you know it, and I'm not for sale. Look, I want to marry you more than anything in this world, but if you're getting cold feet or having second thoughts now's the time to let me know," she nervously granted his out, hoping he wouldn't take it.  
  
"It's not that at all. On the contrary, I'm more afraid than ever of losing you," Duke told her, much to her surprise since he's not known for admitting fear. Scarlett walked over to him and put both hands on his face, looking intently at him.  
  
"That will never happen! I love YOU. I want to be with YOU - forever. I don't know what else I can do or say to convince you," she pleaded with him.  
  
"Even after what happened tonight?"  
  
"Fuck tonight," she shook her head then flopped down on the sofa, putting her feet up. "I walked it off - literally all the way down Park Avenue. Howie's squashing the story so it never happened. But in the future if you insist on acting like Flint, I'm going to have do my dress alterations in public like Jaye." Duke bellowed out in laughter remembering the incident as he sat down next to Scarlett and started rubbing her feet.  
  
"Did you really walk home? What did you do that for?" Duke asked as he rubbed her feet.  
  
"Oh God that feels SO good!" Scarlett moaned then answered his question. "For most of it anyway. I could only take about five minutes of Destro in the limo if that's any indication." She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Hmm, I would have walked too."  
  
"I actually didn't mind. It gave me a chance to think," she said.  
  
"About what?" Duke inquired.  
  
"The old days," she said with fondness in her tone as she pulled her feet off of his lap and laid her head down there, looking up at him. "And how our fearless leader always managed to make me feel safe even on the most dangerous missions. I always knew I would be okay as long as you were around."  
  
"Funny, I always thought it was the other way around," Duke said as he stroked her hair framing her face.  
  
"We're really doing this thing aren't we?" Scarlett asked in amazement as she toyed with her engagement ring on her finger.  
  
"Abso-fucking-lutely," Duke replied with resolve as he leaned down to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her as she reciprocated and wrapped her arms around his neck. He then took her to the bedroom to begin make-up sex.  
  
******************** 


	13. I Do's and Dont's

"I Do's and Don'ts"  
  
THE PLAZA HOTEL - WEDDING PREPARATION  
  
"Okay ladies, I picked this up at the last minute and I want your opinion," said Scarlett as she pulled an elaborate long white silk jeweled negligee out of her La Petit Coquette shopping bag and held it up to herself over her dress. "What do you think, good enough for the wedding night?"  
  
"Hmm," Lady Jaye pondered aloud, "I don't know. Throw it on the floor and see how it looks there since that's where it's going to end up anyway." Scarlett mockingly tossed the gown on the floor as the four gal pals gathered around and stared at the item in question.  
  
"Looks good," said Cover Girl approvingly.  
  
"Breathtaking," said Baroness as she sipped her champagne.  
  
"Very sexy," Lady Jaye gave her approval.  
  
"Okay, enough of that," said Scarlett as she picked up the negligee off the floor and held it up to herself again in front of the full length mirror. "Come on seriously is th- - DADDY!" Scarlett's face turned bright red as she hurriedly hid the negligee behind her at the sight of her father.  
  
"Nothing I haven't seen before, Lass," said Patrick O'Hara in his Irish lilt as he laughed at his daughter, "Though certainly not quite that fancy, mind you."  
  
"Daaaaad!" Scarlett was getting even more embarrassed.  
  
"Hello Patrick," Lady Jaye greeted him with a hug, "how are you doing today?"  
  
"Beside myself now that my little girl is getting married today," Patrick beamed.  
  
"Daddy, I'm - over 30 - I'm hardly a little girl anymore," said Scarlett.  
  
"Oh, I know exactly how old you are Lass, I was there when you were born," Patrick taunted her, "I haven't lost my memory in the old age yet, mind you. Now tell me, when is this old man going to become a grandpa?"  
  
"Slow down Daddy, I haven't even taken my vows yet," Scarlett reasoned, "and besides, you're ALREADY a grandpa!"  
  
"I meant you and Conrad."  
  
"Daddy, have you met the Baroness Anastasia?" Scarlett desperately tried to change the subject. Baroness walked up to greet the father of the bride.  
  
"Mr. O'Hara," Baroness greeted him.  
  
"Oh please, none of that nonsense. You can call me Patrick," he said.  
  
"And you can call me fabulous," Baroness replied faux-flirtatiously.  
  
"Oh jeez," Scarlett groaned, "this isn't happening." Lawrence popped into the room.  
  
"Speaking of fabulous-," said Lady Jaye upon Lawrence's entrance.  
  
"It's show time, princess!" Lawrence informed Scarlett. "Oh my, would you look at this package of a bride? You could wrap it in a Tiffany bow! That Wang is 100% sublime, princess. Sleek and elegant, just like you!"  
  
"Thanks," Scarlett replied.  
  
"Did he just say 'That Wang'?" Lady Jaye whispered to Scarlett, "Just when you thought he couldn't be any gayer." Scarlett smiled and nodded, trying not to laugh.  
  
"Okay ladies, let's go; guests are waiting!" Lawrence enthusiastically instructed, tapping his watch. The group followed Lawrence to the ceremony entrance. Scarlett snuck a peek at the audience.  
  
"Oh God," Scarlett weakly moaned.  
  
"Shana, what's the matter honey?" Patrick asked in concern.  
  
"The audience didn't look this large on the guest list," Scarlett fretfully replied as she started turning pale, "and I don't think I know HALF of those people out there."  
  
"Just a few hundred of your closest business associates, princess," Lawrence informed her. Scarlett's heart started racing even faster.  
  
"Oh shit, Scarlett! You're not going to be sick are you?" Lady Jaye nervously asked her, recognizing her telltale signs of performance anxiety.  
  
"I'm going to screw this all up," Scarlett faintly answered in fright, "and in front of all those people."  
  
"Darling, take a Xanax. You'll feel much better," Baroness offered. Scarlett timidly shook her head "no." "Well I have to take my seat. If you change your mind see Lawrence." Baroness left to join the audience.  
  
"Listen to me Shana," Patrick said to her soothingly, "If you don't know those people then it doesn't matter what they think. This is your day and you paid a pretty penny for this production so it's your prerogative to screw it up if you so choose. Conrad loves you and will marry you regardless and that's all that matters. And I'll be right here next to you the entire time."  
  
"Go on," Scarlett softly gave Cover Girl and Lady Jaye the green light to start walking down the aisle.  
  
"You're sure? You gonna be okay?" Cover Girl asked her. Scarlett nodded in a daze. Taking heed, Cover Girl started her walk down the aisle, followed by Lady Jaye.  
  
"I want you to know, your mother would be so proud. Come Lass, your husband is waiting," Patrick gently told Scarlett as she took his arm. As they proceeded to walk down the aisle, Scarlett tried her best to concentrate on stepping and moving gracefully, though it seemed impossible to control since she didn't feel as if she were in her own body anymore. Oh God, why did Duke have to tease me about my aisle walk at the rehearsal dinner? Scarlett wondered, as she was even more self-conscious now because of it. He had mocked that she sashayed like Baroness down the aisle, called her "Sashay Shanté," and "say 'fabulous darling'," and naturally the O'Hara brothers had to join in as well! Grrr, not helping with the performance anxiety. Fucking comedians, they'll get theirs later. Don't sashay, don't sashay, she mentally repeated to herself. We're here! I made it! She thought as they reached the end of the aisle and her father gave her away.  
  
Still completely dazed, Scarlett looked around at the wedding party. Duke looked so handsome and so happy. Definitely more confident than me right now and probably more with it too, she thought. Oh look! There's Flint and Falcon next to him! Huh, what are THEY doing up here? Oh duh, Flint's his best man and Falcon's his brother! I knew this fifteen minutes ago! What is wrong with me? I wish I would snap out of it! She fretted to herself as she zoned at the pastor. She tried to listen intently but it was as if she were trying to listen underwater. Oh shit! My line! She thought as she rushed into her vows. Aw fuck! That was Duke's line! I hope they didn't catch that on the video. I wish we had eloped instead.  
  
*******************  
  
RECEPTION  
  
"Jaye, have some of this divine champagne. What are you doing drinking that shit?" Baroness criticized Lady Jaye's choice of plain soda.  
  
"No alcohol for me. Dash and I are trying to get pregnant," Lady Jaye explained.  
  
"I like how people say that like the man is somehow also carrying the baby," Cover Girl chuckled.  
  
"Believe me, when he's living in hormone hell for nine months he's going to WISH he was the one giving birth!" Lady Jaye joked.  
  
"Honestly Jaye, couldn't you just get a dog instead?" Baroness exasperatingly suggested.  
  
"Riiiiiight, because THAT'S the same thing," Lady Jaye dryly retorted.  
  
"Well good for you, Allie! It's about time one of us started a family," Cover Girl enthusiastically told her as sadness started building up inside her. All of her friends were married now and getting ready to start families while she didn't even have any prospects. Baroness counted as "married" since her situation was as close to marriage as she was probably ever going to get. Destro would only marry her if it were to his benefit, such as preventing her from being forced to testify against him. But it was highly unlikely. Cover Girl polished off her champagne and helped herself to another glass.  
  
"Here they come!" said Lady Jaye as Mr. and Mrs. Hauser were announced into the reception room by the emcee. "You did it! How are you doing, hon?" she asked Scarlett as she hugged her.  
  
"I'm completely out of it," said Scarlett worriedly, "and I'm sober!"  
  
"Don't worry, I know what you mean. Just smile and agree with everything and you'll be just fine," Lady Jaye assured her. Scarlett nodded her head.  
  
After the ceremony guests tucked into a seven-course meal with New England clam chowder, foie gras and lobster plus roasted Welsh lamb on the menu. After dinner, Duke and Scarlett made their rounds to talk to their guests. Several months of planning were in a whirlwind around Scarlett and she wasn't in control anymore. All she could do was let the planning chips fall where they may. She felt as if she was in the eye of the storm, calm and peaceful as the reception tornado buzzed around her. All these faces, she thought, but I don't KNOW any of them. Okay, I know this one, she thought as she spoke to a familiar face. But I'm drawing a blank on his name! I DO know his name, he's my director and I work with him every day for God's sake! So why can't I remember his name? She thought as she smiled and nodded at the director to whatever he was saying. NOBODY'S names are coming to me; they're all at best familiar faces.  
  
Thank goodness Duke is doing all the talking, Scarlett thought as she admired his socializing skills. Look at my husband, he's so congenial. If you didn't know better you would think that he actually knew every single person here. He could do PR if he wanted to. Funny, I'm usually the one who has to do all the talking and shmoozing but today he's reversed the roles to keep me safely in the eye of the storm so I don't get caught in the tornado. I love him so much, she thought as she looked up and smiled at him. Duke gave her a gentle kiss to reassure her. Everything would be just fine as long as he was around. Always the fearless leader.  
  
"Okay beautiful happy couple, it's time to do the bouquet and garter toss!" Lawrence enthusiastically informed them. Lawrence led Scarlett to the designated bouquet toss area. Scarlett smiled and waved her bouquet in the air as the emcee taunted the single ladies. Let the emcee do all the talking, she thought to herself in her daze. She didn't even take notice of who caught the bouquet as she was led away to start the garter toss. What the-, she thought to herself, are they playing that NOOKIE song? I'm going to kill that fairy Lawrence! I never Okayed this! Oh wait - or did I? Sigh, who knows anymore. Oh look, Duke aimed the garter right for Beach Head. At least I remember HIS name, she thought as she watched the garter bounce off of Beach's chest while he stood with his arms folded, looking grumpy as usual. Probably because Flint was standing guard right behind him to make sure Beach didn't run for cover. Shipwreck dove for the garter on the floor. What is that guy starting a personal lingerie collection? He's starting to worry me with that. I don't even WANT to know what he plans to do with that later! I want my fucking garter back.  
  
"Ooh, is the big bad Ranger scared of a little piece of lace?" Cover Girl taunted Beach Head, laughing heartily with what was probably about her tenth glass of champagne in her hand. She lost track after five.  
  
"Only if it's on YOU, Cover Girl," Beach gruffly retorted.  
  
"Ha! Only because you wouldn't know what to do, baby!" Cover Girl snorted in laughter.  
  
"I know I'd shut you up for a few hours," Beach dryly replied. Cover Girl stopped laughing. A few hours? It sure has been awhile too, but wait, eeewww not Beach Head! She thought, or tried to think in her delightful champagne buzz. Wait, what was bad about him again? Certainly not that kiss at Cecelia's engagement party! Damn Beach and his huge talent.  
  
"Ooh, is that a threat or an offer, Beachie?" Cover Girl challenged him.  
  
"Whatever it is you sure could use it, Blondie," Beach smugly replied.  
  
"HA! You couldn't handle THIS package, baby! I'd spank you so hard you'd run crying to your mama!" WHO SAID THAT? Cover Girl wondered in amusement and horror at herself and the champagne. Damn this stuff's potent! "Hey Beachie baby, why don't you save yourself the trouble and just run to Mama Sneeden now to get your cry on! Heh!" she continued to taunt him then figured she had better walk away now before the champagne said anything else.  
  
Cover Girl went around the corridor near the restrooms to collect herself. Whew! Too much good champagne! It was going to make her mouth get herself into trouble if she wasn't careful. At least it made her forget her sadness for a moment - oops there it is again. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for her friends, because she sincerely was. But she couldn't help feeling somehow left behind, especially since she longed for these things even more than Scarlett and Lady Jaye in her opinion. Did life forget about her? What made her so unworthy of these things? The intensity of it all was 100 times heavier for actually being at Scarlett's wedding and listening to Lady Jaye's baby plans. Fuck, where's some more of that kick- ass champagne? She thought as she turned to fetch another glass, only to find Beach Head standing in her way.  
  
"By the way, that was a threat," Beach Head answered her earlier question as he pulled her into an aggressively passionate kiss. Just how she liked it. It fueled her own aggression. She pushed him towards the restroom and yanked him into a stall to make out, which turned to ravaging. Oh God, Lawrence was right: this IS hot! Cover Girl thought to herself as she lost herself in Beach's overpowering physique. The ecstasy of this is even better than the champagne!  
  
"Just so we're clear, this is just sex. I still hate you Beach Head," Cover Girl huskily declared in his ear as she pushed him down on the seat and climbed on his lap so they were facing each other.  
  
"Good," Beach growled as he grabbed a fistful of her hair, "that's fucken' hot."  
  
"Shut up and show me that huge talent, baby."  
  
*******************  
  
"Is it just me or was Scarlett out of sorts today?" Flint asked, reflecting on Scarlett's strange behavior today.  
  
"I thought she was going to be sick right before the ceremony. But you know, weddings can be excruciatingly nerve-racking for any bride," Lady Jaye reasoned.  
  
"Sick, huh? Interesting," Flint pondered aloud.  
  
"What are you getting at, Dash?"  
  
"I'm just saying that you weren't the only one avoiding alcohol tonight. I don't think I saw a drink in her hand ONCE today," Flint commented.  
  
"Yes she did, the toast," Lady Jaye corrected him.  
  
"Which she barely touched," Flint added then suggested, "You think maybe she's not telling us something?"  
  
"Oh Dash, your imagination's running wild!" Lady Jaye dismissed his observations.  
  
*******************  
  
As the evening started winding down, so did the whirlwind of the day surrounding Scarlett as she started to feel herself coming back down to earth. The tornado was dying down and she could finally start to snap out of her trance. A wave of relief washed over her as she realized that she had made it through the day in one piece. She just wished she could have enjoyed all the hoopla more. She did at all her other parties. But then again, this wasn't all her other parties.  
  
"Can you believe all this?" Scarlett asked in amazement.  
  
"See? You made it, Mrs. Hauser," Duke told her reassuringly.  
  
"Only because of you," said Scarlett then wistfully added, "Yet a part of me doesn't want to see this all come to an end."  
  
"What do you mean, 'come to an end'? Baby, this is just the beginning!" Duke boasted.  
  
******************* 


End file.
